Meeting ow in a group setting

Your husband tried to break up your family.

Not her.

Be careful with the attitude where you appear to be blaming her. It’s YOUR husband who had a wife and family.

im not sure this event is the right place for you if this is how you feel.

The ow may have dumped him as well, of course. She may not think he's that much of a catch.

Well if op, as his, wife looks like a fool? That makes the ow, who fell for his rubbish whilst knowing he was married, look like a total moron! And yes, op is picking a side, her OWN. Those two thought only about themselves for however long, op can think about only herself now.

I do think op though that you should absolutely ignore her. She’s irrelevant, literally not worth your time. You would never, ever do what she did. That is enough.

So not only is he continuing to work with her is genuinely expecting you to go along to work events when she is there?

WTF.

I actually think it’s impossible not to be humiliated at this one and I wouldn’t go.

Yeh she’s possibly not got the strongest moral compass but who knows what he told her about you, the state of your marriage (and sex life) and his intentions towards her.

As a pp said he was hardly painting a picture of sexual harmony and family bliss in his marriage was he?

And let’s face it he may well still either be having the affair or plan to go back to it.

You saying anything snide will just be total cringe. Don’t do that and ideally don’t go and nor should he.

Ooh, say something, give people something to gossip about over the coffee machine 🙄

No, really don't.

Straight face, avoid her, keep your dignity. It’ll be a fraught evening I’m thinking for you, one you’ll probably be on edge during and I’m sorry about that. If there are others at the event that you know, hopefully that’ll make it easier?

I expect he told her all sorts of shite to be fair, and no doubt she didn't want him which is why he didn't leave.

I wouldn't say anything to her, it won't make you feel better it'll just be embarrassing and humiliating for you.

Ignore her. As much as she has done a beyond shitty thing, this comment is spot on:
you’d be embarrassing yourself, turning up hand in hand with the man who actually made vows to be faithful to you and then making digs at the woman who didn’t.

I might need to read through your posts again, but is there a reason your husband hasn't found another job to put some distance between him and the OW?

I probably wouldn't go to be honest. You can bet your life his colleagues all know about the affair. Everyone usually does. They will be scrutinising you for any perceived reaction. Don't put yourself through that.

Men can do it who don’t love you enough. No one truly in love would take the risk of losing you. So those who stay know they are settling for second best and can’t ever feel that he wouldn’t cheat because he has.
Stay with him if you wish but don’t delude yourself.

I agree with you in the sense that I agree that the marriage is probably over in those situations, I disagree that that makes it ok. If he’s pursuing someone else because the marriage is over, then leave the marriage first. Even if I thought he was otherwise the perfect man, I could never be with someone who had so little respect for the person he is still married to.

He also knew he had a wife and children.

They are his, so it's much easier for her to cheat than him or it should be.

If you are going to do the "stand by your man" routine then that includes not making a scene in his workplace.

Saying anything that may cause any issues may result in a risk to his job when he needs in case you want to take half that income at a later stage. Standing tva cheat is difficult enough, standing by a broke cheat is even harder.

Your DH betrayed you, not the ow. She was not the one breaking up his family, potentially. He was. He thought it was worth the risk at the time. He was the one breaking his marriage vows. She had nothing to lose and owed you no loyalty.

If you decided to let it go and have stayed with your DH, you should just move on and say nothing. Or you risk making a fool of yourself.

Although I agree with some of this, it must be remembered she has worked through her anger with her husband and has been given many opportunities to hash it out with him.

This will be the first time (I think) she has seen the other woman so it’s basically fresh with her.

I would rise above it! It’s a professional work event so not the right place to discuss anything like that.

You have decided to work on your marriage which is a tough job, focus on that and put the ow out of your head.

I wouldn't go, and nor should he. Honestly I wouldn't even contemplate staying married if stayed at that workplace. How disrespectful of him. A clean break is the very least you should expect of him.

Well I’d argue he must be pretty convincing to have managed to convince OP to take him back after he’s had an affair.

Walking into a room hand in hand with your cheating husband, then making sly comments to the woman he cheated with, does make you look like a fool. You hate one yet stayed with the other, you do have to pick a side there.

If anything this man has made fools of both women, as I say, men who have affairs aren’t singing the praises of their wives and families.

Definitely ignore.

I think you would be lowering yourself and embarrassing yourself to say anything.

Ignore. Be the better person.

Your DH is actively humiliating you by staying at this company and sitting you on his arm at a work event. I would be beyond furious at the OW too but I’d be more focused on why DH thinks it’s suitable to put you in this position where you’re going to be laughed at by his colleagues, because they definitely know.

Rise above, in the words of Michelle Obama when they go low we go high. But really your husband should absolutely not be putting you in this position, a work event when you found out about this just months ago? He should decline and not have dared asked you to go through this, the audacity of it. Also he needs to get a new job.

personally I would not go I could not bare it but if you must go have grace and dignity and rise above

anything else shows you are really bothered and she’s under your skin ,

also while affairs are horrible if I met a man that I thought was my future happiness I’d pursue him and if he felt the same I’d make a go of it , yes , horribly sad for wife and kids but I’d assume their marriage was dying if he wanted to pursue , but my happiness is worth striving for too

No. Knowingly shagging a married person, or being married and shagging someone else makes you look like a fool. And a deceitful, dishonest person. And a bit dim. Who falls for that blather or convinces themselves they are all that or that they won’t get caught? THAT Is embarrassing. OW and husband should BOTH should feel ashamed of themselves, but op has no shame to carry.

Don't do that.

Do go and get your hair blow dried at the hairdresser the afternoon of the event, wear your killer heels, a good lip and radiate happiness and confidence!