Meeting ow in a group setting

Does your dh have to go? Is it a work event or more social? I wouldn’t be impressed if it was optional that he wanted to go.

Yeah I know it’s awful but if I was his colleague and was aware of this I’d be silently judging/pitying you for having low enough self esteem to stay. Why do you want to mend things with the man who hasn’t even changed jobs in order to help distance himself from the woman he was having sex with?

You’re not the only one. Half the office who knew about it will be thinking exactly the same thing.

Any comments etc should be made your husband he’s at fault

Everyone has different levels of understanding. I don't understand how anyone could stay after an affair, just waiting for the next one, but you're fine with it........

Honestly in your shoes wild horses couldn't drag me to this event. You risk looking pathetic.

I'd be insisting he found a different company.

Plus she really isn't the one to blame here. He is. You can't claim she isn't a decent human whilst remaining married to her ex.

I know plenty of people will want to disagree with me, but once a cheater always a cheater.

With the difference being that he now knows he can get away with it, as you took him back.

This isn't about her, though I can understand the temptation to go and make a scene. This is about the fact your marriage can never truly be fixed and deep down you know it.

I agree that it’s pretty low behaviour to go after someone that you know is married. But it’s worse behaviour from him. And you have decided to forgive him. So you have to put it behind you and move on. And if that means bumping into her at work events, so be it. If it helps focus on the fact that you got the (skanky) man, she didn’t. He chose you.
But this post is a good example of why taking back a cheater is going to keep torturing you and you have to be a real tough person to do it. I couldn’t.

Hey OP, been where you are and been faced with OW, I have ALWAYS taken the ignore, big smile to others, appear distracted stance.

If she doesn’t ’owe me anything’ I don’t owe HER anything and could bloody well say what I want BUT ultimately it achieves nothing FOR ME.

Seriously, she’ll hope to be relevant, put her in her place by showing her she is not.

Best course of action is neither going but I know that could be tricky.

And if you need any further support get yourself on surviving infidelity!

Why on earth is it not ok for a woman but for it to be acceptable for your actual husband to have done this?!!

Have you seen evidence it's over? Or taking his word for it?

Personally I wouldn't go and my 'D'H wouldn't be either.

She's got some balls going, knowing you're going to be there.

Without sounding catty, and OP I sincerely apologise if this isn’t the case…

Maybe the OP only wants to go to keep an eye on her H, and to ensure he doesn’t stray away and speak to OW. Especially if alcohol will be involved.

Even if they’re working things out together, surely some paranoia will be present. An affair is something you truly never ever get over or forget about.

You have chosen to forgjve and work through your marriage, commenting and making a dig, although justified, will harm what you are trying to work on with your husband.
No good can come of it. At best, it will bring you down to her level and cause friction and a bad atmosphere, at worst, it could end up with her commenting back, drinks thrown, scrapping on the dancefloor, husband sacked and your marriage completely over.

I just don't understand how a woman can knowingly get involved with a man with a wife and children, with no concern that they are potentially breaking up a family.

I won't debate whether she does / doesn't owe you anything...
She probably thought about it and decided - if the man who is literally in covenant with these people couldn't care less about wrecking their lives to get his dick wet, why should she make herself more concerned than he is. She literally has no investment in your marriage and family and he has presented him as available.

Everyone in work will know they were carrying on.

If you say something, word will get around the office.

Some might think she’s a slag, but you’ll be the mad wife.

I really wouldn’t go. There’s an extremely high chance there will be people who work with them who know about the affair, whether or not your husband is aware of that. It’s going to create gossip whatever else happens.

Are you going to make a statement to her? To him? To yourself? Do you worry you can’t trust him around her and alcohol out of hours?

I’d examine your motivation, the potential pit falls and mitigate them as best you can and then hopefully decide to skip it. And ask him to if that’s what you need.

You’re obviously raw and angry, anyone would be. You’re not in the right place to near the two of them together.

I don’t understand why him getting a different job isn’t a major factor in you trying to work through this.

Do not drink too much. I repeat Do not drink too much. If there is a scene you will be the one who appears to be the bad person. Go, enjoy the night and ignore. I'm sure she will.

No, you can’t say anything. Your husband is your issue, not her. You chose to take him back when most wouldn’t, you have to suck up the consequences.

Oh, she's a cunt, no doubts about that.

You don't have to confront her, though.

I'd ignore her completely, smile a lot and, if your eyes meet, hold her gaze long enough for her to get the message that you know just how desperate and vile she is.

Do not let their fuckery get to you, OP.

THEY did something wrong, not you.

I get how tempting it is, I really do. But he probably told her a huge amount of lies about you and your relationship. That doesn’t make it okay, but while he was deceiving and lying to you, he was doing the same to her. Go in, with your head held high, knowing you’re focussing on the future and your family.

Do you really have to/want to go to this event? It sounds like you will have a miserable time.

AIBU to say something to her or make a sly comment. Or am I best to ignore completely.

Ignore her completely.

Even if you feel like you want to scream and shout and punch her lights out. (Didn’t mean for it to sound like a rap). It’s best to totally ignore her. Pretend she isn’t even there.

Have some respect and dignity for yourself.

Ignore ignore ignore

I would go, ignore her, if you find yourselves face to face and cant, I would be brief, polite but cool.

It will bother her far more if you don’t make any sort of comment or even acknowledgment of the affair, as if you do that will look like you still care/she still affects you. If you radiate happiness you are more likely to get under her skin. I agree with pp don’t drink if you think it will make you more likely to say something you regret.

Be the better person and ignore her.