Meeting ow in a group setting

Sure. While I’m reading, perhaps you can reflect on why you wouldn't actively encourage any woman to leave an unfaithful man? Do you have a belief, perhaps subconsciously, that men have the right to do what they want and we should put up with it? Infidelity is an absolutist situation for many, if not most, monogamous people.

As for a study being done, there have probably been several. You can find a convincing argument for anything on the internet and a study or article to match your views. It doesn’t make them correct, it just means a minimum of one other person somewhere agrees with your perspective. The measures you speak of included in these studies are things like children of the family graduating college, earning a certain level of income etc. Has anyone studied the mental health of these children? How about their ability to form a successful and healthy adult relationship? Their own divorce rates? That would be worth reading.

Please read before arguing. At no point did I say that people need to stay together for the children. I said it's foolish to announce in absolutist terms that staying together after an affair should never be an option. That's a silly position to take when there are children together and so on.

Also, stop with the "every single time" absolutist nonsense. There was actually a very large scale study done in the US a few years back that showed that even an unhappy home had far better measurable outcomes in general than those who split. When there's not very serious problems like child abuse, there are simply more resources available for the children, money, time and being more the center of attention. Whoever you personally happen to know and what you think you know of how their lives would have been if the parents did split up is very weak.

Now, read this carefully before continuing to argue against a position you made up yourself. Good luck with it.

I can’t believe in 2025 some women would seriously drop her knickers in minutes for the old cliche “my wife doesn’t understand me “ or”we’re only together for the kids”. These are educated women not gullible girls

Who’s to say she didn’t go running after ops husband, saying “my husband doesn’t understand me” it takes two to tango and I’m sorry in this day and age they’re both culpable, as I’ve said ow isn’t a gullible kid, who the mean man took advantage of, she knew exactly what she was doing

sorry accidentally quoted someone by accident

I second this. Try to go booze free for the night. If you have the nerve, kill her with kindness. Big, charming smile, a few 'genuinely' interested questions about her professional life and wellbeing, laugh easily and move on with never a second glance. She'll be absolutely flummoxed.

I wouldn’t go. neither should he. Sounds like a social or awards event and he doesn’t get to be business as usual at the moment. Being absent together sends a clear message without saying anything.

Not sure I would be put in a situation where I was in the same room as her. Why would you do that to yourself?

...but apparently still worth risking over publicly tackling the OW about an affair at a work event... 🤦🏼‍♀️

I know that you've got a view on women who knowingly get involved with married men. And, I probably couldn't stay close if I found out a friend had done this. Because yes, it does speak to their priorities and decision making and trustworthiness as a person. But that is what SHE is, she doesn't define YOU. Your actions do and though, not yours this is an environment for professional behaviour. I'd never think less of someone who had been cheated on because lies and concealment come woefully easy to some people. I WOULD possibly have a negative (though understanding) view if someone disrupted a work event when prepared to be in the space with someone they may well not want to be around. A work event carries (even for.partners) a certain behaviour expectation and personal situations don't belong there. Ultimately you've all made choices and compromises, avoid her/ politely dip out of conversations with her as though she's YOUR colleague or just don't go. If anyone fucks up at this event, let it be her.

Not sure where you got that? My ex of 10 years was a cheat, I left the very first time I caught him. My DH isn’t a cheat and I wouldn’t stay with him if he became one, because I’m financially independent with fully functioning self esteem. I’d never subject children to living with an unhealthy relationship, it’s setting them up for a shit adult life.

Yes, but don’t most women know that?

Given how many women fall for it, it clearly works often enough to still be used a lot since time immemorial. And of course, other lines are used to try to entice wives back after men stray. Those seem to work pretty often too.

So, no real life experience with marriage and kids, then. Got it!

I’ve taught her to watch actions, not listen to words, so yes, I hope and believe she will be able to tell the difference between the truth and a load of crap. I also tried to teach her personal responsibility, self worth and that everyone matters, whether you know them or not. So far that seems to have worked, but she’s her own person, so who knows?

But for me? Literally no one is capable of “ talking me” into an affair. Personal responsibility is a wonderful thing.

She will be on pins..

Don't say anything. Remain dignified

He will have told the other women all sorts of nonsense like the marriage is over and you were living together for the kids, separate bedrooms of course. I bet he also said you were crazy, unhinged etc. If you say something to her that will reinforce that.

Direct your anger to him. He’s the one who has let you and the children down and I’m not sure how you’ll trust him again.

Really ‘hundreds’ on a thread of 340, many of which are just attacking a woman who has dared to make a choice to stay and is incidentally the ONLY victim in this nasty scenario…

hyperbole much?!

Will you also teach your DD not to listen to 'it was a mistake' 'she meant nothing' 'she pursued me' 'you didn't seem interested in me and I was lonely' ' I'll never do it again' and all that flannel? Because a man who can talk his way back into his marriage after cheating is quite capable of talking a woman into an affair.

Let’s hope the OW husband doesn’t confront OP husband at the event - wonder how she’d feel about that

Yes, but don’t most women know that? I definitely taught my dd not to listen to such flannel. Perhaps it should be part of the curriculum “101 lines married men use to get you into bed”?

Because most men who pursue another woman will use all the cliche lies in the book, “we are separated”, “haven’t slept together in years”, “only together for the kids” etc etc.

I absolutely agree that she was in the wrong too, but your husband is the one who cheated on you, broke your vows. Also as the relationship ended, do you know if it was him or her who ended it? You have no idea if she ended it because of guilt.

Place your anger at the man who betrayed you.

What would you say? Your ‘d’H needs to leave

Because a dip in income is not possible, she said.

Why are you going?
why is he still working there??

Try to ignore her. She's not in your life now

Look the very best that you possibly can!, ignore her for the most part, but give her a look down your nose if you can, look proud so she knows she hasn’t destroyed your marriage
If her husband is there she will possibly be more nervous about the event than you!

If she starts anything just casually announce that you have an open marriage.