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Original poster

Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

111 replies

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 04/05/2025 18:20

AIBU

My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day.

They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us.

Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play.

My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us.

What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

OP posts:
ShodAndShadySenators · 05/05/2025 12:13

GreenCandleWax · 05/05/2025 12:03

As you are at your wits end, say something firm to the child - "I don't want you to climb the fence any more. When we are in our garden, we want to talk just with each other. So please stop climbing up to talk to us".

Show quote history

I would say something like this, since it's got this far. It would be too blunt for you to do a complete switch without warning, ie just totally ignoring him or telling him off.

I'd also approach his parents and tell them that you want more privacy to enjoy your garden in peace, so you'd appreciate their telling their child not to climb on the fence (which will damage it over time, they're not built to withstand the weight of people on the structure) nor expect to be engaged with.

GreenCandleWax · 05/05/2025 12:03

WinterMorn · 05/05/2025 00:29

If you are at your wit’s end, say something! Stand up for yourself and stop being so passive.

As you are at your wits end, say something firm to the child - "I don't want you to climb the fence any more. When we are in our garden, we want to talk just with each other. So please stop climbing up to talk to us".

curtaintwitcher78 · 05/05/2025 11:53

I would love you to stick this meme on their side of the fence in the night.

Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence
HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 11:49

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 00:17

I feel the ‘not today’ response is not enough.

This child will then ask ‘what about later?’ Or ‘tomorrow?’ or ‘why?’… and try to keep the conversation going.

I had considered messaging the child’s parents to ask them politely to not allow their child up on the fence constantly as it was disrupting our time together.

Any thoughts on this suggestion?

Show quote history

With all due respect, you're the ADULT.

How can you not deal with this simple situation? Its a kid FFS, not a JW banging on your door?

MoreChocPls · 05/05/2025 11:38

Plant some prickly plants?!

BlueMum16 · 05/05/2025 11:37

BreatheAndFocus · 05/05/2025 11:15

I do stop and chat to him most of the time but it has now become persistent. We can’t go 10mins without him popping his head over especially if he can hear us talking or playing.

This is your problem. The child thinks talking is ok - because you’ve chatted with him. Children that age don’t have any understanding of limiting things. If they like it, they’ll carry on ad nauseam (yours!).

Do not ever talk to the child when you/he are in the back garden. Limit chat to when you’re in your front garden or in front of your house. Back gardens are private. That’s worked well for us: blank them in the back, but exchange a few friendly words in the front. They soon pick it up.

I agree front gardens for chatting and back gardens are private

Just say something like. We're busy. Please don't climb the fence. We'll chat next time we see you on the front. And then ignore. And repeat. Do not engage in the back

legoplaybook · 05/05/2025 11:34

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 10:41

I just want to be careful how it’s worded as he and my son get along great chatting over the fence now and again and I get along with the parents. I don’t want them to feel they can’t talk to me or my son at all.

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It's difficult if you do want to chat over the fence but only on your own terms when it suits you.
It would be clearer to just have a standard rule. Otherwise it's very confusing for a young child that you want to chat sometimes but not others.

Llttledrummergirl · 05/05/2025 11:26

Trellis and some climbing plants.

BreatheAndFocus · 05/05/2025 11:15

I do stop and chat to him most of the time but it has now become persistent. We can’t go 10mins without him popping his head over especially if he can hear us talking or playing.

This is your problem. The child thinks talking is ok - because you’ve chatted with him. Children that age don’t have any understanding of limiting things. If they like it, they’ll carry on ad nauseam (yours!).

Do not ever talk to the child when you/he are in the back garden. Limit chat to when you’re in your front garden or in front of your house. Back gardens are private. That’s worked well for us: blank them in the back, but exchange a few friendly words in the front. They soon pick it up.

WinterMorn · 05/05/2025 10:51

You are overthinking this. Say something, or don’t. What you allow is what will continue.

jeaux90 · 05/05/2025 10:45

Strategic planting. I did a big planter with bamboo in.

nomas · 05/05/2025 10:45

You need to be blunter. ‘Go back to mummy and daddy’. ‘We’re busy’. ‘No, we can’t stop and chat.’ ‘Go and play elsewhere.’

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 10:41

WinterMorn · 05/05/2025 00:29

If you are at your wit’s end, say something! Stand up for yourself and stop being so passive.

I just want to be careful how it’s worded as he and my son get along great chatting over the fence now and again and I get along with the parents. I don’t want them to feel they can’t talk to me or my son at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 10:39

SlB09 · 05/05/2025 00:32

Erm, so I am the parent of a similar child hahaha so I can say from my point of view (which may not be aligned with that child's parents view).

My child is just very social, will say hello out of politeness and does like to play with the neighbours kids (he's an only child). I do tell him though when not to shout and to leave them alone sometimes, or let him say hello and then kind of chivvy him off. I actually approached our neighbour (they moved in after us) and just said look, he will talk to anyone and doesn't really get boundaries yet. In compromise we agreed that so he wasn't asking to play all the time etc we message to ask if their kids would like to play first, we have them round in our garden mostly and this seems to work. However I also don't want him to loose the art of conversation with different ages, of asking people to play, of seeing neighbours as friends and being generally friendly or becoming self conscious so I do feel it's a good compromise we've come to.

His parents might think your ok with it as all they hear is him talking, just have a conversation with them and try and set some healthy boundaries instead of anything potentially rude. He may also have additional needs/neuro diversity etc whereby he can't actually recognise social cues and boundaries so it's worth keeping this in mind too.

Completely understand the socialising aspect and I do stop and chat to him most of the time but it has now become persistent. We can’t go 10mins without him popping his head over especially if he can hear us talking or playing.

It’s really sad because his parents tend to stay indoors and leave him entertain himself in the garden. So I understand why he’s interested in what we’re doing and wants to join.

I have asked him to come over a couple of times but 10minutes later he and my child are not getting along as he is very persistent in what he wants to do whereas my child is a little more chilled. So I have had to stop asking him over as he has upset my child so much that he wants to go inside and not play whilst the neighbours child is here.

The offer is not reciprocated either. The neighbours don’t offer my child over to play which is fine but I feel like they are more than happy to allow their child over here.

OP posts:
beautyqueeen · 05/05/2025 10:39

That would be so annoying, you’re either going to have to speak to the partners or be blunt with the kid.

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 10:34

GoodCharl · 05/05/2025 00:31

Aw sounds like shes lonely. Does she have siblings? Do parents play with her?

annoying tho

He is an only child, as is mine but he does not climb the fence to constantly talk to the neighbours.

OP posts:
SlB09 · 05/05/2025 00:32

Erm, so I am the parent of a similar child hahaha so I can say from my point of view (which may not be aligned with that child's parents view).

My child is just very social, will say hello out of politeness and does like to play with the neighbours kids (he's an only child). I do tell him though when not to shout and to leave them alone sometimes, or let him say hello and then kind of chivvy him off. I actually approached our neighbour (they moved in after us) and just said look, he will talk to anyone and doesn't really get boundaries yet. In compromise we agreed that so he wasn't asking to play all the time etc we message to ask if their kids would like to play first, we have them round in our garden mostly and this seems to work. However I also don't want him to loose the art of conversation with different ages, of asking people to play, of seeing neighbours as friends and being generally friendly or becoming self conscious so I do feel it's a good compromise we've come to.

His parents might think your ok with it as all they hear is him talking, just have a conversation with them and try and set some healthy boundaries instead of anything potentially rude. He may also have additional needs/neuro diversity etc whereby he can't actually recognise social cues and boundaries so it's worth keeping this in mind too.

GoodCharl · 05/05/2025 00:31

Aw sounds like shes lonely. Does she have siblings? Do parents play with her?

annoying tho

WinterMorn · 05/05/2025 00:29

If you are at your wit’s end, say something! Stand up for yourself and stop being so passive.

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 00:21

IReallyLoveItHere · 04/05/2025 19:45

My neighbours dd is the same. I really don't want to spend my time talking to her. Pick a phrase that means no, repeat a few times then ignore. If on your own wear headphones and he'll give up faster.

Some strategic planting would help for the future.

If you're tempted by the spikes idea my grandad used to put sticky black tar on HIS SIDE of the fence then when the neighbourhood kids went climbing they'd ruin their clothes. If you go this route give fair warning and a reasonable excuse.

I do say no pretty bluntly at times after saying not today or my little one doesn’t want to play today however this child is very persistent.

I had considered buying a shed to block the area this child would pop up at but he has now discovered than he can climb any fence panel along the length of the garden so that plan won’t help.

I am really at my wits end with it now. I’ve spent a lot of money landscaping the garden to be able to enjoy it and now I feel I don’t want to sit out in the nice weather unless the neighbours are out which isn’t often.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 00:17

DrummingMousWife · 04/05/2025 18:22

Just have a blanket response and then ignore “not today Josh” and then carry on. He is bored and seeking some attention.

I feel the ‘not today’ response is not enough.

This child will then ask ‘what about later?’ Or ‘tomorrow?’ or ‘why?’… and try to keep the conversation going.

I had considered messaging the child’s parents to ask them politely to not allow their child up on the fence constantly as it was disrupting our time together.

Any thoughts on this suggestion?

OP posts:
IReallyLoveItHere · 04/05/2025 19:45

My neighbours dd is the same. I really don't want to spend my time talking to her. Pick a phrase that means no, repeat a few times then ignore. If on your own wear headphones and he'll give up faster.

Some strategic planting would help for the future.

If you're tempted by the spikes idea my grandad used to put sticky black tar on HIS SIDE of the fence then when the neighbourhood kids went climbing they'd ruin their clothes. If you go this route give fair warning and a reasonable excuse.

Adhdmum2 · 04/05/2025 19:42

We have exactly the same situation. It's relentless. I say "can you get down please, we're using our garden". And he does. I don't care if I sound rude, they'll soon get the gist

jenrobin · 04/05/2025 19:35

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 04/05/2025 18:20

AIBU

My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day.

They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us.

Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play.

My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us.

What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

To the child: "Please don't climb on the fence" "I don't mind your saying hello, but please don't keep shouting at us over the fence", "Not today", "Just family today", "We are busy today, so no" "DC said no" You can say all of this gently with a smile, and you're free to ignore any pestering after you've given a polite answer. He needs to understand boundaries. If he keeps it up tell his parents he's been asked not to shout/climb and since he's not getting it, it needs to be explained to him.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 04/05/2025 18:43

HelplessSoul · 04/05/2025 18:37

And that would be my defence - spikes/nails there as a deterrant.

If a kid gets injured - tough really. Parents should be doing a better job of parenting their feral brats.

Show quote history

I wonder who is most likely to raise feral children?

someone who politely asks a child to climb down or someone whose first response is nails and spikes, doesn’t care if that hurts a child amd who calls a child a brat?

🤔