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Original poster

Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

111 replies

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 04/05/2025 18:20

AIBU

My neighbour's child is constantly climbing the fence and perching their head over to talk to myself and my child throughout the day.

They are constantly listening out for the door to open or close and shout hello as soon as one of us comes out into the garden. Then they climb the fence to talk to us.

Now I don’t mind a chat but this child is constantly interrupting our conversations or play. Asking to come over to join us or asking where my child is and if he wants to play.

My child will often go inside because he gets no peace or let up from this child even when he says he does not want to play. The parents leave this child to their own devices a lot of the time but even when they are in the garden they do not ask their child to get down and stop bothering us.

What would you do in this situation? It is making us very uncomfortable but we don’t want to be rude either.

OP posts:
AnotherNaCha · 05/05/2025 17:08

Oh poor child sounds very lonely and desperate for connection :(

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 05/05/2025 17:07

“Hi Josh, nice to see you but we’re not chatting today. Please can you stop climbing the fence as I don’t want you to break it or hurt yourself”.

It will probably take quite a few times but hopefully he will tell his parents what you’ve said and then they will realise you don’t want the interruptions so will try to monitor it.

Good luck.

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 16:57

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 16:47

Sorry for asking for some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. I thought that this is what this forum is for?

Id actually prefer to deal with a JW than this situation as I have no relationship with them and don’t have to live next door to them.

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But you have been told/advised on what to do - yet here you are procrastinating because you cant handle a neighbours spoilt kid?

As said, spikes and nails on the fence.

nomas · 05/05/2025 16:49

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 16:47

Sorry for asking for some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. I thought that this is what this forum is for?

Id actually prefer to deal with a JW than this situation as I have no relationship with them and don’t have to live next door to them.

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So would I to be fair. JW are polite and won’t visit again after the first you turn them away.

Children have tougher skin so you can be blunter with them.

Jc2001 · 05/05/2025 16:48

HelplessSoul · 04/05/2025 18:37

And that would be my defence - spikes/nails there as a deterrant.

If a kid gets injured - tough really. Parents should be doing a better job of parenting their feral brats.

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The kid is just poking his head over the fence to chat. Annoying but hardly feral.

You sound like a nasty piece of work.

I wouldn't like to be one of your kids. They must be terrified of you

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 16:47

HelplessSoul · 05/05/2025 11:49

With all due respect, you're the ADULT.

How can you not deal with this simple situation? Its a kid FFS, not a JW banging on your door?

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Sorry for asking for some reassurance that I am not being unreasonable. I thought that this is what this forum is for?

Id actually prefer to deal with a JW than this situation as I have no relationship with them and don’t have to live next door to them.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 16:44

nomas · 05/05/2025 15:48

You’re just looking for excuses not to say anything. You’ve been given suggestions which you’ve ignored.

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I’ve not ignored any suggestion. I really appreciate the suggestions so far and will have a chat with the child and his parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 16:43

Auroraloves · 05/05/2025 15:15

How old is he? Is he likely to break fence?

it sounds really annoying and I can understand why you are wanting to tread carefully

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He is 6 now so has the potential to break the fence. He is standing on the middle rail of the fence.

Thank you for understanding.

OP posts:
nomas · 05/05/2025 15:48

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:58

You’re right. I have no issue in telling my own child however from experience other parents don’t always appreciate their child being told by another adult.

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You’re just looking for excuses not to say anything. You’ve been given suggestions which you’ve ignored.

ilovesooty · 05/05/2025 15:42

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:56

They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

Edited
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You could go round, knock the door and ask them to stop their child doing it.

Auroraloves · 05/05/2025 15:15

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:56

They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

Edited
Show quote history

How old is he? Is he likely to break fence?

it sounds really annoying and I can understand why you are wanting to tread carefully

JoshLymanSwagger · 05/05/2025 15:08

Retractable washing line along the length of the boundary fence.
Cheap cotton sheets and some pegs.

Hide behind your makeshift "fort" Grin

MyKingdomForACat · 05/05/2025 15:04

Thing is if you keep saying ‘can you get down please” you’ll have the mother at your door telling you off for not giving her entitled pest of a kid what he wants. Can’t she take him up the park? Fucking nuisance.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 15:01

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:56

They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

Edited
Show quote history

Just speak to them like an adult face to face.

And it's good that you own the fence, definitely mention you're worried about it getting broken.

Also, stick some close woven trellis on top.

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:58

TonTonMacoute · 05/05/2025 14:56

Presumably you sometimes have to tell your own child not to do something?

Its the same technique.

You’re right. I have no issue in telling my own child however from experience other parents don’t always appreciate their child being told by another adult.

OP posts:
TonTonMacoute · 05/05/2025 14:56

Presumably you sometimes have to tell your own child not to do something?

Its the same technique.

Original poster
AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 14:56

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 12:18

Messaging?? I thought they live next door? 😳

Whose fence is it btw?

If it's yours, you can tell the child not to climb up as they're going to break it.

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They live next door but they aren’t always out in the garden. They tend to stay indoors whilst the child is in the garden hence the suggestion to message…

It is my fence and I am also concerned about him constantly putting weight on the fence not only for the fence but his own safety too if he was to fall.

OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 05/05/2025 14:05

Can’t you just speak to his parents and be very consistent with him? You say your ds and he talk over the fence, but you can’t have it both ways. Tell him no and mean it.

SlB09 · 05/05/2025 14:00

@AmIRetirementAgeYet it is sad re the parents. Those saying just ignore the child I personally think that's the child being punished for the adults lack of intervention and your son may want to play with him as they get abit older and are able to hold their own boundaries.

Literally just talk to the parents and explain! You can't expect to haul all of this onto a child that isn't being taught any different!! If the parents don't know it bugs you then they aren't going to do anything about it, that's the crux of it.

pelargoniums · 05/05/2025 13:18

Big foghorn.

But really, you need to be consistent: he’s a kid. How’s he supposed to know when is OK to talk and when is too much when you sometimes will chat over the fence and sometimes not? Blanket rule: leave you all alone in the back garden. If you’ve got a front garden, make that the free-for-all.

Plus more strategic planting: trellis topper on the fence, fast-growing (prickly) climbers. Trees. Headphones (for you; don’t plant them).

Floatlikeafeather2 · 05/05/2025 12:32

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 10:41

I just want to be careful how it’s worded as he and my son get along great chatting over the fence now and again and I get along with the parents. I don’t want them to feel they can’t talk to me or my son at all.

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Make up your mind. You need a consistent approach. You're not being kind to him by sometimes tolerating his chatter, sometimes inviting him over.

8misskitty8 · 05/05/2025 12:19

Whose fence is it ? If it’s yours then politely ask the parents to stop him climbing the fence as if it gets damaged you will need to give them the bill. Then add trellis along the top.
If it’s not yours then I’d put a fence up in front of it in your garden to block them out.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 05/05/2025 12:18

AmIRetirementAgeYet · 05/05/2025 00:17

I feel the ‘not today’ response is not enough.

This child will then ask ‘what about later?’ Or ‘tomorrow?’ or ‘why?’… and try to keep the conversation going.

I had considered messaging the child’s parents to ask them politely to not allow their child up on the fence constantly as it was disrupting our time together.

Any thoughts on this suggestion?

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Messaging?? I thought they live next door? 😳

Whose fence is it btw?

If it's yours, you can tell the child not to climb up as they're going to break it.

Jasmin71 · 05/05/2025 12:15

This might sound cruel but could you just ignore him. I mean completely, no responses to his chattering.

He will eventually run to mummy and daddy and say that you won't answer his questions at which point you can have the conversation about fence climbing and privacy.

stilll · 05/05/2025 12:14

I think if it was me I’d say something like
‘hello x, we are busy today, climb down carefully now’ then ignore whatever he did or said.