Neighbours child constantly over the garden fence

Not read the full thread so apologies if this has been suggested.
Could you buy some planters and grow bamboo in them against the fence, they grow thick and tall. Obviously not an immediate solution but would offer some privacy in time. Depending on your fence height, could you add slats across the top to give more height. I appreciate this is added expense you shouldn’t have to have, but if it means you get your garden space back, I’d consider it.

I wouldn’t be asking him to get down though, more telling and more stern, ‘get down off the fence now before you break it’ ‘if X wants to play he will call for you’ ‘stop peering over the fence now please’. And I would definitely be speaking to his parents. They may not see it as a problem, might even think it’s sweet how he chats to you, (I mean they must see him finding and using the step ladder and know he’s out there?) But it needs addressing else you’ve got this until he grows bored of it - which is obviously not going to happen for some time.
I feel for you Op, it would annoy me too.

Just out of interest - what tone are you using?

And stop with the asking and start with the telling (strict teacher voice)

'Josh, get down NOW. You are going to break the fence and hurt yourself. WE will let you know if there is ever a time you can come and play. If you don't stop I'll have to come and speak to your mum and dad about it'
(and then you'll find out he's doing what they've told him to do!)

i wouldn’t be talking to the child at all, go and speak to their parents.

The parents don't need to be in the garden for you to speak with them, just knock and have a quick word. I think this is more of a face to face than a messaging situation. Some children are bad at social cues and need to have things explained to them by their own parents. If they know him at all, they will totally get it. Just tell them you've tried asking him nicely but he's simply not understanding you.

So, be more blunt. "We have asked you not to do this - that includes you being on a stepladder. Please get down and let us have a bit of peace in our garden."
And then ignore him.

That's easy!

Tell him to get down (very firmly) or he'll break it and his parents won't be happy at having to pay for it

Plant some rambling roses, will look beautiful, effectively extend your fence upwards and be a bit prickly as an added deterent.

This

I don’t know , kids just like playing with other kids , it’s what makes a childhood really ..🤷‍♀️ Obviously if it’s annoying your dc that’s not ok but it’s so cruel some of the suggestions. Are they an only child maybe? Probably bored…
I’d say it to the parents if it’s an issue for you . I’m definitely someone who doesn’t mind other kids coming over as long as their parents are aware and accept responsibility if a child fell etc . I’m actually quite introverted and my kids have siblings and play all together so we don’t need play dates etc but I’ve no issue with other kids joining in at all and it tends to work well. Bottom line though if you and your dc aren’t happy I’d talk to the parents.

We used to have three foot fences between our house and next door. Every time we were in the garden the man from next door would make stupid comments to us, try to be funny or engage us in conversation. We really liked this family but it was just too much. We moved eventually and never had low fences again. We later found out the people who bought our house replaced the fence with a six foot one when our ex neighbours were away for the weekend.

This is really tricky imo. We're lucky enough to get along great with our neighbours of 2 different house next to ourselves. We all have 2 kids of various ages but they all get along great 90% of the time. We're also lucky that there is a really good, untold balance between who goes to whose house do it's not always the same house/garden being used. But the big factor in this is that at least 1 parent of each household is always there with the kids and involved in the decision of who goes where. We don't let the kids dictate that or bother the neighbour constantly, that is sp antisocial! I would tell the kid to go and fetch their parent to discuss it with them every time he pokes h9s head to ask. And be as insistent as him, bore him no ends and he'll probably calm down a bit.

How about “Get down from the fence sweetheart and go and tell your mummy and daddy that you’re lonely and you want them to play with you, we’re busy.” On repeat.

"like some time" sounds like he took you literally at your word and gave you SOME time 😂

Have you tried speaking to his parents? I think you were right to try asking him to just stop first, but I think he's particularly obtuse and it's now beyond a joke. "Hi, I've asked little Johnny to stop climbing on and leaning over our fence because it was damaging the fence and it was really interrupting our privacy. He's now using a ladder and coming back to look over the fence half an hour after being asked to go away. I'm sure he doesn't mean any harm, but he isn't getting the message so I will need you to speak with him about not doing this any more". He seems ultra literal so he needs as many people as possible to explain the rules to him in the bluntest way and his parents know him best. You've told him he can't climb so he gets a ladder, you tell him to go, he assumes this means come back later. It needs to be very unsoftened language "You're not allowed to look over the fence ever, at all. Stop doing it and do not come back later." This message must come from all the adults. If that fails, trellis.

Echoing PPs, trying to talk to the neighbours is your first step.

Turning the fence panels round so the bar is on your side might help (assuming he can't get the step ladder all the time). Although the nicer side is plain, traditionally the owner has the bar on their side as it offers better security against people trying to climb in to your property.

https://www.therange.co.uk/garden/fencing-and-landscaping/garden-screening-and-trellis/bamboo-garden-screening#887415

Bamboo screening against the fence might be a low cost option rather than replace the whole fence. You may only need it for a couple of years before the child is out playing in the street rather than in the garden.

I feel like my only option is to replace the fence with something higher

Speaking with your neighbours, who will know all about what's going on, costs nothing.

Just go around to the neighbours, knock on the door and gently ask them to explain to little Nigel that of you have said no to playing he needs to leave you alone and not keep pestering you while you're in the garden.

Why should a neighbour have to do this over and over? I'd get tired of that really fast.

Speak to the parents. If they take offence, that's their problem. It's their child to raise.

I should have used the paying for it line on my nbrs, it would have stopped this in a heartbeat! This is a good thing to say op.

Get down off my fence love, you are going to break it. Get down now and stop shouting over at us, go on get down, my fence is going to break if you keep climbing on it and then your Mum and Dad are going to have to pay for a new one, so get down and stop climbing on it.

Rinse and repeat

Do the deeds say that the fence is your responsibility , or theirs? Whichever it is, use this fact to engine your conversation when you raise with the parents.

If my neighbours kid kept climbing on my fence, I'd be round there...