Friend not talking to me because I shared a photo from her Wedding

NRTFT but sounds a bit like a recent experience I had (was it the same bride I wonder?!?!)

Except I posted pics of myself and my DH and DCs in our outfits for the wedding. Photo was us at home before we left for the wedding. Post didn't even mention where we were going or anything about whose wedding it was, was not a pic of the venue or ceremony, no bride, groom or other guest in the pic - it was literally just a pic of my fam in our garden dressed up nicely for once! I knew they didn't want pics posted of them or the ceremony/wedding itself until they did their 'reveal' using the photographer photos as they mentioned this at the ceremony.... but assumed a pic of me and my immediately family at our own house would be fine. Nope. She's still fuming about it now..... she even wanted guests outfits to be 'revealed' in the group shot the photographer was going to take. //eye roll//

Or maybe Sue just sees her friends having a great night out and doesn't care that she doesn't look at her best? There's a lot of photos I don't look good in but love because it's a wonderful memory.

My friend, let's call her Ann, has a group photo of about ten of us girlfriends at a celebration. It was a very hastily taken snapshot when we were all a bit worse for wear and a couple of us are blinking, or looking the wrong way or whatever. It's an absolutely DREADFUL photo of another friend who I'll call Sue. She looks like spaced out zombie. It's just unfortunate that it was snapped while she was moving her head and it caught her at a REALLY unflattering angle, plus she was drunk anyway, which didn't help.

Ann shares this photo on facebook every single time it's someone's birthday who is in the photo, or the anniversary comes around of it being a facebook memory. She finds it hilarious and even uses it to post to Sue's own FB page when it's Sue's birthday. It's become a running joke now, after about five years of this, but I find it an unkind thing for a friend to do. Luckily Sue takes it in her stride but I'm sure she secretly hates that this keeps happening. If it were me I'd be so upset.

Of course, but honestly it can feel quite invasive and violating having photos of you taken and shared without permission or the chance to vet them first. Especially if you struggle with seeing photos of yourself at all and are excessively critical of your own looks. I realise that may sound irrational and princessy to some people, but it's very real to others. It's something I've tried to lighten up on and come to terms with as I've got older, but it can be very hard to deal with. Social media makes it far far worse than the days of old photos that stayed relatively private. At least you didn't know who was showing them to whom. On your wedding day of all days, you want to feel happy and confident when looking at yourself in photos, and you deserve to.

The issue with this is that the professional photos often come out much later by which point the moment has passed. One friend did ask us not to, which I respected, but I don't really see the point.

And as for the dress reveal, the people who are most interested will be at the ceremony. They'll have seen it.

You look stunning in both frankly.

I really think the posters here are answering the wrong question.

The issue isn't whether or not it's ok to request no photos till the big reveal.

The issue is that OP apologised wholeheartedly and rectified it after a misunderstanding and her so-called best friend is refusing - still - to forgive her.

Some mistakes are unforgivable. If my friend reversed her car over a member of my family and left them in critical condition even though I knew it was a mistake and they regretted it, I'd likely not be able to forgive them. But a simple misunderstanding, that probably nobody noticed, certainly nobody cared and also, OP will not have been the only one... Feck that.

I would honestly be binning the friendship off unless she returns with a "omg I'm so embarrassed, honestly the stress of the wedding sent me a little insane".

But, all your mum sees is her beautiful girl, all grown up, on her wedding day. 💕💐

@sunheart123

My mum shared photos she'd taken on her phone at my wedding to social media and it did upset me. To be fair I hadn't thought to tell anyone not to (it was a covid wedding with just 16 people) but I wasn't expecting my mum to upload so many pictures without asking me first. She's no photographer and they weren't great. For context I previously struggled with body image issues and still did at the time, but on the day I had felt the most beautiful I'd ever felt. It did knock my self esteem to see pictures that made me second guess that. And yes of course the most important thing was marrying the love of my life, but you can feel two things at the same time. When the photographer's photos came back they restored that feeling of confidence I'd had on the day, I wish they'd been the first photos I or anyone else had seen. Here's one of hers vs one of the photographers for comparison.

Reveal?Didn't even know what it meant until I saw replies. Totally ridiculous. Who is she supposed to be revealing to?Everyone saw her dress at wedding. What a self centred brat. Who needs a friend like that?You did what most people do. Post photos .!!
Ok you made a mistake. No big deal. I wouldn't want a friend like that.

No, actually that's shit! Is their baby, their news ! I would be fuming

Op you are under-reacting to what you did and overreacting to what your mutual friends have said about how the bride feels.

It is common practise not to steal thunder by posting pictures of someone's wedding dress before the bride. It's up there with not wearing a white dress.

"Don't post anything" was perfectly clear. It doesn't matter that you gave yourself permission because it wasn't during the ceremony.

It doesn't matter about the dress. Your friend asked you not to do something, you did it anyway. You are now making excuses.

You've been more guestzilla than your friend has been bridezilla.

Let your friend cool off. Wedding can be very stressful. Hopefully she will accept your apology. It is out of your hands now.

You messed up but you can’t time travel back and change things!
The hen party being abroad and costly would annoy me, and her not being thankful for your gift.
Will it make it awkward if you step away from the friendship, do you have lots of friends in common?
I would move on and give her a wide berth.

You did a big reveal didn’t you?

Why are you acting as though the bride is considering making some sort of legal claim and wanking on about the legal "standing" and "commercial contract"?

Literally nobody has suggested that the bride can legally enforce that photos of her aren't put online.

It was a request, (for anyone who has gone to a wedding in the last decade, a very common one), just like any others made at a wedding - Exactly the same as asking people to arrive at a certain time, or adhere to a certain dress code, or if its a dry wedding not to drink, or a child free one not to bring kids.

You're allowed to think any of these requests are silly and not what you'd do yourself, but if you like someone enough to go to their wedding you follow their preferences or, if you consider the requests to be completely unreasonable, you don't go. It's a completely optional event not a court summons.

It's really not that hard. You don't need a solicitor to write a contract for basic social etiquette

While you shouldn't have been "absolutely villified" I'm not surprised your son and (assuming DIL) were annoyed - that was a shitty thing to do.

Of course they wanted to announce the birth of their first child themselves without having granny make it all about her!

I loved seeing pictures of my wedding being uploaded whilst I was on honeymoon. I knew no body would put any horrific pictures of me on (candid photos and all that) but if she asked everyone not to then I understand her being upset with you for uploading pictures. I would have been upset too in that case.

I think maybe the Bride is finding it hard to forgive the OP because of all people to ignore her wishes and post pictures before she did - it wasn't some colleague she had to invite or a cousin she doesn't see often... it was her best friend.. and she expected a bit more consideration from you, and that's why she's more upset. It's about trust rather than photos.

Also it depends how sincerely your apology came across. If it really acknowledged that she's hurt that you ignored her wishes, rather than just Sorry I posted that photo. I think if she finds out OP is complaining about her on MN - the friendship is probably over.

Yes, the bride was a main character at her wedding. I hope outside the wedding, she is a main character to her new spouse and her family and friends.

Outside of that, not so much.

She had a main character moment by revealing her dress to her loved ones that she had invited to her wedding. She wants another main character moment by “revealing” to her followers on socials. Her followers that weren’t important enough to be invited to the wedding or for her to take time out of her day to incorporate them if they couldn’t make it.

Nobody cares as much about your wedding as you do.

I really couldn’t be arsed with this. Yes, you probably shouldn’t have posted but you did and said sorry.
Anyone who talks about ‘reveal’ being a big thing needs to give their head a wobble.

But the bride was one of the main characters at her own wedding!

All ‘reveals’ show a sickening degree of narcissism.

Have people been so manipulated by SM companies that they think they are stars in a show where everyone can’t wait for the next update?!

A wedding is a party. Parties are for the guests, not the hosts. Getting married is a personal thing but the party after really isn’t.

I have learned from my teenagers the appropriate response to this kind of narcissism: ‘bro thinks he’s the main character’.

Yes.

the main photos of bride and groom should hopefully be lovely photos showing them at their happy best.

not someone looking a bit hot and sweaty with make up past its best and hair lost its perfect design, late in the day.

She asked you not to. You ignored it - she might be being a bit OTT with the whole reveal thing but you still ignored her wishes

At worst you made an error of judgement for which you apologised for

Don't allow this to burden your friendship for evermore. She either accepts your sincere apology or you move on in life without her