Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be upset by my first Bridget Jones Experience?

130 replies

mumhas1syllable · 04/05/2025 16:16

Long story short, I’m nearing 40, single mum, a few long term relationships but nothing that has lasted longer than 5 years.

Left most recent relationship because other party was coercive and had narcissistic tendencies. Realised I needed to work heavily on myself so invested in therapy and have spent the past 9 months working through childhood trauma, anxious attachment and pulling myself out of very deep depression. I’ve come so far and recently started to feel well enough to taper off anti depressants and start my life again.

attended best friends birthday party yesterday, where comments were made about my single status that felt derogatory. A further games night was discussed and I displayed my enthusiasm to attend. Only for her to announce that I wasn’t invited because it’s couples only. This was in front of the whole group and to be frank, was humiliating.

noteworthy that recently she has been flaky with any plans and not attending last minute and instead participating in events with her married friends.

I’ve never been ostracized for being single before or even made to feel like it’s a negative aspect of my life and who I am.

AIBU to be deeply hurt by this and to want to walk away from the friendship? And also to feel like a complete failure because I’m middle aged and single? I feel like I’m so unworthy and I’ve spent nearly a year of my life working toward feeling worthy and this has knocked me back hugely.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 18:57

123H · 05/05/2025 10:21

I actually think she’s jealous of you🙂

Quite a few people have said this on the thread and I was very skeptical because I cannot understand why. Then I reflected and the only inkling I can get is that she is very fond of telling everyone (she regaled her new friend with this at the party too and of course in a voice loud enough to address the whole group) how she hated me when we first met and gave me a nickname referring to the size of my lips. For context I am blessed (or cursed as I thought as child because big lips were NOT cool on a skinny milk bottle child 🤣 in the 90’s!) with big lips and straight teeth. I often get asked if I have had work done - at which point I like to point out that im flattered they think I could afford it!!
Still… not enough to be jealous of. I look like the product of Steve Tyler and sideshow Bob after a torrid love affair!

OP posts:
mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 18:47

babystarsandmoon · 05/05/2025 10:25

My friend is currently going through a similar situation in one of their friendships groups. My advice was to leave them to it and focus on their friends that make the effort with them away from the ‘couples only’ brigade.

I agree! The hardest part for me is admitting that as an adult - I’m nervous about trying to make new friends and know I’ll have to get out of my comfort zone! And also stop placing so much importance on the length of the friendship as opposed to the quality of it. I hope your friend is ok - and that she can be smug about not sharing a bed with a partner who snores! 🤣

OP posts:
MeetMyCat · 05/05/2025 12:08

whitewineandsun · 04/05/2025 17:01

Agree. Find new friends. All of them sound shit, since no one spoke up.

This!

Changingnames2002 · 05/05/2025 11:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

first post has nailed it

mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 11:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Are you watching us chewygummy?! 👀🤣
teen has plans without me today but did enjoy a lovely big brekkie together because for once they were out of bed before the sun was over the yard arm!

OP posts:
babystarsandmoon · 05/05/2025 10:25

My friend is currently going through a similar situation in one of their friendships groups. My advice was to leave them to it and focus on their friends that make the effort with them away from the ‘couples only’ brigade.

123H · 05/05/2025 10:21

I actually think she’s jealous of you🙂

123H · 05/05/2025 10:07

She is NOT your ‘best friend’. She’s a sad loser who obviously defines herself by having a partner rather than being an individual in her own right.

You’ve worked hard to recognise that loving yourself is the key to a happy life; your worth comes from within you, not from having a partner. Your so-called friend obviously hasn’t got this insight.

Don’t allow her to derail your progress - you are worth a million of her.

WaltzingWaters · 05/05/2025 10:01

She sounds awful and YANBU to distance yourself from her. She sounds like someone who would stay in an awful relationship just because she wouldn’t want to be single.
But, being single and having therapy to help ensure any future relationships are far more healthy is much better than staying in an awful and abusive relationship. So well done you. Keep focussing on you and forget this “friend”.

ClaredeBear · 05/05/2025 09:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I’m not one to encourage dwelling in a situation but this wasn’t just a comment. It was a position statement and blatant exclusion.

Chewygummy · 05/05/2025 09:55

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Americano75 · 05/05/2025 09:54

mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 09:48

Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to reply and give your wonderful words of wisdom and the chuckles some of you gave me. It’s helped me beyond measure and after an early night, I’ve woken up ready to keep going and leave the past and those who are not good for me, in the past. ❤️

I swear kindness breeds kindness - after all your collective love, I awoke to a message of a person gifting me the table I have been coveting for free! So off to collect that and then stare joyfully at it in my kitchen for unhealthy amounts of time! 😂 and to my ex friends disdain, I shall of course cry tears of gratitude and dance around the kitchen!

You're such a sweetie. Don't let any fucker dim your light.

mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 09:48

Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to reply and give your wonderful words of wisdom and the chuckles some of you gave me. It’s helped me beyond measure and after an early night, I’ve woken up ready to keep going and leave the past and those who are not good for me, in the past. ❤️

I swear kindness breeds kindness - after all your collective love, I awoke to a message of a person gifting me the table I have been coveting for free! So off to collect that and then stare joyfully at it in my kitchen for unhealthy amounts of time! 😂 and to my ex friends disdain, I shall of course cry tears of gratitude and dance around the kitchen!

OP posts:
mumhas1syllable · 05/05/2025 09:42

TicTac80 · 04/05/2025 20:51

I think you sound wonderful. I also think that your "best friend" is no friend at all. She should be thrilled that you got yourself out of the awful relationship, and be absolutely championing you! Don't let her get you down, she's not worth it. You should feel very proud of yourself for doing so well.

I'm 44, a single mum of two, and filed for divorce from XH 6yrs ago (time flies!). I too love doing quiet stuff at home: reading, cooking, hanging out with my cats, having people over. I rarely drink (and when I do, it's one or two units of alcohol and no more). I'll go to the occasional party and meet up with friends when we can. I'm lucky that most of my mates, I've known for decades (way before any spouses were in the picture). Luckily no one cares who is single and who is in a relationship. FWIW, I bloody love being single!!

Definitely find some cool hobby groups or things like that. Sounds stupid, but when I split with XH, I made myself go out to places with the kids, including taking them on camping trips (sometimes with friends and sometimes solo) etc. We always had a good time and met up with loads of people. I've just upgraded to an old VW campervan and am plotting to go on some great trips and events with it (once it's done up - I'm working on it!). Can't wait!!

TicTac80 - how inspiring. Your life sounds absolutely fabulous and you built it for yourself. It’s watered my little seed of hope because it can be done and I just need to keep getting up and putting my big girl (big Bridget!) pants on and do what’s right for me and my child. We’ve booked a “glamping” weekend for just before she returns to school so hopefully it will be the first of many. And a VW camper is just so cool!!! 😍

OP posts:
TicTac80 · 04/05/2025 20:51

I think you sound wonderful. I also think that your "best friend" is no friend at all. She should be thrilled that you got yourself out of the awful relationship, and be absolutely championing you! Don't let her get you down, she's not worth it. You should feel very proud of yourself for doing so well.

I'm 44, a single mum of two, and filed for divorce from XH 6yrs ago (time flies!). I too love doing quiet stuff at home: reading, cooking, hanging out with my cats, having people over. I rarely drink (and when I do, it's one or two units of alcohol and no more). I'll go to the occasional party and meet up with friends when we can. I'm lucky that most of my mates, I've known for decades (way before any spouses were in the picture). Luckily no one cares who is single and who is in a relationship. FWIW, I bloody love being single!!

Definitely find some cool hobby groups or things like that. Sounds stupid, but when I split with XH, I made myself go out to places with the kids, including taking them on camping trips (sometimes with friends and sometimes solo) etc. We always had a good time and met up with loads of people. I've just upgraded to an old VW campervan and am plotting to go on some great trips and events with it (once it's done up - I'm working on it!). Can't wait!!

Springtimehere · 04/05/2025 20:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 04/05/2025 20:29

Definitely widen your circle. Join singles' groups, for example. Join some hobby groups. There's nothing wrong you. Don't feel bad. Your friend is a jerk.

Shitgift · 04/05/2025 20:15

I think your comment in response was pretty good. I'd have really struggled not to be lost for any words at all and then felt annoyed I hadn't defended myself, good on you!

proximalhumerous · 04/05/2025 20:05

In Bridget Jones parlance, I think you've just been stung by a jellyfish.

Weddingwitch · 04/05/2025 19:57

my friend even announced at the party the amount of times I had been to sleep at hers just for the opportunity and luxury of a bed during that period. Not said with pity or support - very mocking.

You need rid of her. I’d have been so proud of you for escaping that situation - what an absolute cow to diminish the massive thing that you did.

DreamTheMoors · 04/05/2025 19:49

Walk away?
Dear heart, you need to run like the wind. ❤️

Boreded · 04/05/2025 19:49

I would bet on it that there is/has been some cheating in her relationship. She is acting as though she sees you as a threat to her marriage now you are single

Smallmercies · 04/05/2025 19:37

Bridget Jones is fiction, and toxic fiction at that. Your friends are wankers.

mumhas1syllable · 04/05/2025 19:36

NovemberMorn · 04/05/2025 19:22

I had a friend once who split from her abusive husband. She was a lovely woman, and couldn't understand why several wives she had considered to be friends, stopped interacting with her.

Fear and jealousy...obviously, they thought every single woman was out to take their husbands from them.

Pathetic really, and OP, you are better off without their fair weather 'friendships'.

My ex partner was very wealthy and I left with just the clothes on my back and didn’t look back. He was very controlling and the chance of me leaving with the shred of dignity I had left was slim as it was. I suppose I expected support and not fear and jealousy - I slept on my mums sofa for months (my child had her own room and everything she needed) and suffered the humility of it all - my friend even announced at the party the amount of times I had been to sleep at hers just for the opportunity and luxury of a bed during that period. Not said with pity or support - very mocking.

If she fears her husband being stolen by a woman who cried tears of joy at sleeping in a proper bed once a week….. thats all I need to know isn’t it. Thank you for helping me with perspective x

OP posts:
Onthemaintrunkline · 04/05/2025 19:35

PS . If you don’t walk away you are giving her free license to give you another serve when she feels like it. No way would I give her that right.

Swipe left for the next trending thread