Desperation baby will not be put down

My (just turned) 10 month old is still like this, always has been like this.
I BF and he's never shown any symptoms of reflux, colic etc.. just a needy baby

I love him, but honestly sometimes wish id just stuck with the one baby... had to get my OH to come home early yesterday I was in tears at the end of my tether

I hate to say that op but I have had 2 kids like this and unfortunately this became their personality somewhat. My oldest at 9 is much better but a child very much attached and clingy. My toddler is the same. Both had severe colic, reflux, fussy eaters etc and because they just got so used to being held or soothed so much they became very high needs and need constant interaction. I do think it’s a behaviour that they learn and very hard to undo.

Mine didn't like lying down, so a door bouncer, and God forbid a walker with toys on the tray, meant that they would be upright and ok on their own for a short time.

In my dc case, they were all walking at 8 months old so it didn't hold them back although our health visitor was scandalised.

My dd was like this. For us the issue wasn’t her tummy, we eventually figured out it was autism. It’s really hard when they just scream and scream and won’t be put down.

what helped me the most was acceptance. Just accepting that this was a phase of life and I needed to adapt to her bizarre sleep schedule and needs. I only had one child though. I also had a DH who came home every night and cleaned the house and made dinner.

So I am going to recommend two things. The first is to get your oldest into care a bit earlier. You need a break somehow and that is a concrete thing you can change.

the second is to try some different baby carriers. I had back pain too, but some worked better than others. Being able to put the baby in a sling or in an upright carrier really helped. I never managed to get her on my back by myself, but I think that would have been the most comfortable. I was just too nervous for that one.

I feel you, my second was like this. Sling helped but remember this too shall pass! Once he's on the move it'll be a distant memory. Something else will be difficult of course

Mine got frustrated and hated tummy time but wer also slow to sit. I found one of those inflatable playnest rings great, they could sit and see and also stretch out, not hurt themselves and build up their core muscles that way.

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If your back aches after using the sling, I would say you need a much better one to support the weight of him. We had an Ergo baby which clips around your waist to take most of the weight off your shoulders. My 2nd child spent most of her life in it as a baby! It was comfortable to wear for hours.

If you can hack it then I would encourage trying the new formula. Does he have night feeds? I would start with a night feed or first bottle of the day when they are more likely to just neck it. There are tricks like doing ratios and gradually switching and/or adding vanilla essence to make more palatable then reducing off that.

The reason I say that is both my kids have had milk allergy and with my daughter it was 6 months of "colic" leading to PNA/PND before getting her on the right formula and it seemed that it took ages for her gut to heal and tolerate a wider range of foods. When we first started she even reacted to pear and apple puree causing worse reflux. I think I stuck with her safe foods of peaches, porridge made with oat milk and raspberries, butternut squash, avocado plus vegan pancakes using GF flour, for ages. She got hives with eggs until 10.5 months then grew out of that but couldn't have soft cooked egg/omelette for 3 days in a row until maybe 18 months old due to tummy upset. She also didn't tolerate gluten well until past 11 months and then gradually built up quantity.

My son I breastfed milk free until 4 months then tried milk formula for a few weeks just to see if defo allergy, then pushed for nutramigen. Though he had feeding aversion linked to illness and tongue tie, he has always tolerated eggs, wheat and a range of foods much better much earlier - the exception being parsnip like my daughter.

So definitely recommend the food diary and keeping on the same food for 2-3 days to look for reaction, then build a list of safe foods. Anything that results in what I call the "4am screamies" gets parked and avoided for a few months. 3-5am is peak rest and digest so if he's more unsettled then I would look at what he ate the previous day. We had things easier in that my daughter didn't get teeth until 11+ months so could rule out that as cause of nighttime upset when starting weaning.

It's a minefield honestly but you'll get there. I don't think mums of babies with no allergies understand the stress and second guessing that comes with allergy babies! "Have you tried putting them down and seeing if they'll self settle?" Fuck off! If they're uncomfortable with wind, gas, reflux, tummy upset, etc. that just won't happen. They just cry, get upset and take in air and end up with worse wind. Though will say when they learn to sit up and crawl it defo helps with shifting wind and reflux as upright, so hopefully he makes some progress there soon.

One of my DC was like this, I feel your pain! Luckily it was my eldest, it must be really tricky if you have a toddler at the same time

I used to use a sling with mine and it at least meant I had my arms free... or occasionally I could lay on the sofa with him and spoon him until he was asleep then very carefully replace my body with cushions. It only worked some of the time but could be worth trying if you haven't already.

With him having reflux have you tried not laying him flat when you lay him down?

I agree with PP that if he's so unsettled at this age that he's likely to be in discomfort and that won't be helping with the crap naps and overtiredness.

Have you tried the extensively hydrolysed formulas again rather than the amino acid ones? Not as ideal but probably better than a comfort milk one. I don't think they're as thin as not as broken down either. Nutramigen seems to be a lot less rank than I remember, my son has been on it this past year and it smelled much better than in 2020 when my daughter was on it.

Also I found both my milk allergy kids were much better with just one dose of gripe water after their bedtime bottle, I know it's supposed to be placebo but anecdotally it really helped mine and someone else I recommended it to. Someone relatively cheap and easy to try.

I recommend keeping a food diary for weaning as well and monitoring for worsening symptoms, as his belly is likely to be more unsettled and reactive if not having the right formula. A weird one but both my kids can't tolerate parsnip at all so rules out a lot of pouches which use it to sweeten the savoury ones.

Once he's more settled then something like gradual retreat might help with naps and sleep in general.

I hope you get some improvements soon 🤞🏻

Get yourself to your local sling library! You should be able to wear a six month old in a sling comfortably for hours, a trained sling consultant can troubleshooting your sling with you (sometimes minor adjustments can make a big difference) and you can try on lots of other types of slings as well.

As a side note, "tummy time" should more accurately be called " time not spent flat in their back". The purpose is to engage their core muscles which will be happening if you are holding them because they will be supporting their head and moving their arms and legs and back etc, so don't worry about that.

Ah that's hard. Have you tried baby Einstein? You can get it on YouTube & its like baby hypnosis I don't know why but it really engages them. And says its good for development which always made me feel better. You might find once he's on solids and a bit more mobile he will be happier. My own DD was a bit miserable until she could crawl then she was the best baby in the world. She also settled straight away for her childminder despite not ever wanting to be away from me. Do you have any mum friends who could come round for coffee & do some of the holding for you? I love to hold a baby now that mine are all grown up!

we had this with our child, it might be worth taking him to a cranial osteopath and someone who does vega testing, seeing both of these specialist sorted or child out in 2 days. The other thing we tried was colic calm which helped with lying him down. Wishing you the best of luck x

Ergo baby carrier? Ds2 was huge with reflux and it helped so much being able to carry him on my back.

What about if you were to sit him in a high chair where he can still see what's going on but isn't lying down? Or put Ms Rachel on the tv? I know people are dead set against screens but I used to have to put on baby Einstein for my DD to get stuff done sometimes (it's magical stuff - classical music & toys) Start off with him sitting/lying somewhere with you beside him then you can gradually pop in & out. It's not practical to carry him around all the time & realistically when he goes to a CM they won't be able to do it either so you're helping him to adjust before he goes there anyway.

Once he's on more solids it might be easier to follow an allergy diet without it being so restrictive for him (the amino formulas are rank, I don't blame him for refusing it!) so it might be worth asking your GP if you can be referred to an allergy specialist again if possible.

I think it can be normal for babies to prefer to be held but I would also say that IME when they are like that ALL the time, it is usually a sign of discomfort.