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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I have left so early?

168 replies

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 13:36

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

OP posts:
BoredZelda · 04/05/2025 14:31

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 13:41

She's actually been really flakey recently so yeah.

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A good friend would find out what’s happening for her to be like this.

You didn’t do anything wrong in leaving when it suited you, and she did nothing wrong turning up when it suited her.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:30

Fly1ngG1raffe · 04/05/2025 14:30

Fair enough. You’ve answered your own question there though, haven’t you?

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Yeah I think I'm a people pleaser

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:30

MightAsWellBeGretel · 04/05/2025 14:26

No-one is in the wrong here, it's just the way the day panned out.

You must know how difficult it is getting out of the door sometimes? She wasn't able to get there earlier, probably because she has two kids, and you needed to leave because yours needed a nap - that's parent-life for you!

Has she actually said anything? I can't gleen from your posts that she's actually complained?

She has. But there is a lot of thoughts my end. She messaged me to meet you and she didn't respond to my suggestion of a day for two days. She will also say people don't keep in contact with her or see her. Yet I've always gone to her house/area which suited me. I even spent one day at her house when I took annual leave. So I thought a park day would be good for the children.

She's got a husband, I don't. She also is going back to work just 2 days, I work full time which is neither here nor there but I've got limited time with no support.
So I know my limitations

OP posts:
Fly1ngG1raffe · 04/05/2025 14:30

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:22

I got there for that time because it suited me. Its her loss if she can't make for the time she said she could and turned yo 80 minutes after.

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Fair enough. You’ve answered your own question there though, haven’t you?

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:26

FGSWhatMoreCanISay · 04/05/2025 14:25

I wouldn't worry! You've not done anything wrong. Don't give it any more thought.

Thanks I think I'm annoyed about something else but don't want to write it

OP posts:
FGSWhatMoreCanISay · 04/05/2025 14:26

Exactly...no one's done anything terrible.

MightAsWellBeGretel · 04/05/2025 14:26

No-one is in the wrong here, it's just the way the day panned out.

You must know how difficult it is getting out of the door sometimes? She wasn't able to get there earlier, probably because she has two kids, and you needed to leave because yours needed a nap - that's parent-life for you!

Has she actually said anything? I can't gleen from your posts that she's actually complained?

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:26

Branleuse · 04/05/2025 14:24

If she is annoyed and moaning then shes being unreasonable, because she is the one who left you waiting round

Yeah I don't know. Maybe she thought I was going to spend hours there, when 3 was enough for us

OP posts:
FGSWhatMoreCanISay · 04/05/2025 14:25

I wouldn't worry! You've not done anything wrong. Don't give it any more thought.

Branleuse · 04/05/2025 14:24

If she is annoyed and moaning then shes being unreasonable, because she is the one who left you waiting round

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:23

Brefugee · 04/05/2025 14:20

people who are like this have no concept that other people have better things to do than wait around all day for the joy of seeing them.

In future i'd say "right, i will be there at 10 and i will leave at 12" and let her decide how much she wants to see you.

and if she complains tell her that she knew your schedule and it's on her.

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Yeah I should have said I would stay until 12.30 at the latest.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:23

pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:21

Who cares? You're speaking to us about it and we're better than him :)

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I just worry I've done something wrong. Or didn't plan it right.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:22

Fly1ngG1raffe · 04/05/2025 14:20

I don’t think you were unreasonable to leave when you did. I do note through that she’d already told you she wouldn’t make it by 10, but you got there for that time anyway. In future I think you could be clearer by saying “I’ll need to leave at x time”. So no, you were not unreasonable but also you chose to get there an hour before she said she’d be there.

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I got there for that time because it suited me. Its her loss if she can't make for the time she said she could and turned yo 80 minutes after.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:21

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:19

She's probably annoyed and going home to speak to husband about it?

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Who cares? You're speaking to us about it and we're better than him :)

Fly1ngG1raffe · 04/05/2025 14:20

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

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I don’t think you were unreasonable to leave when you did. I do note through that she’d already told you she wouldn’t make it by 10, but you got there for that time anyway. In future I think you could be clearer by saying “I’ll need to leave at x time”. So no, you were not unreasonable but also you chose to get there an hour before she said she’d be there.

Lanzarotelady · 04/05/2025 14:20

If you wanted to leave, then leave, but come on your toddler needed a nap? Couldn't they have slept in the buggy?

Brefugee · 04/05/2025 14:20

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

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people who are like this have no concept that other people have better things to do than wait around all day for the joy of seeing them.

In future i'd say "right, i will be there at 10 and i will leave at 12" and let her decide how much she wants to see you.

and if she complains tell her that she knew your schedule and it's on her.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:19

pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:17

i can guarantee she didn't give you much thought. Nowhere near the amount of thought you're giving this. Worry less what she thinks, it'll only wind you up when she doesn't do likewise.

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She's probably annoyed and going home to speak to husband about it?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:18

SundayFundayz · 04/05/2025 14:17

OP… kindly… you are overthinking this.
it doesn’t matter if she said she was aiming for that or not - she worked to her timescales, you worked to yours.
if she’s huffy about it then you agree a different approach for next time. but I really don’t think this warrants any worry about what you perceive you may have done wrong.

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Ok thanks. I guess because she "came all that way" and I guess it wouldn't have made any difference because she would expect me to go to hers.

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:17

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

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i can guarantee she didn't give you much thought. Nowhere near the amount of thought you're giving this. Worry less what she thinks, it'll only wind you up when she doesn't do likewise.

SundayFundayz · 04/05/2025 14:17

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

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OP… kindly… you are overthinking this.
it doesn’t matter if she said she was aiming for that or not - she worked to her timescales, you worked to yours.
if she’s huffy about it then you agree a different approach for next time. but I really don’t think this warrants any worry about what you perceive you may have done wrong.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:15

pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:15

Sure but you'd been there ages based on when she said she'd get there. There's no need to angst about it. She can be an easy breezy sort who doesn't stick to specific timings, but other people don't have to fall in with that. Set yourself free from worrying about what people think of you when their behaviour shows they mainly only care about themselves.

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True

OP posts:
pinkdelight · 04/05/2025 14:15

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 13:40

I think because it's 35 min drive (or maybe longer with bank holiday traffic). So I left after 50 mins? I don't know

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Sure but you'd been there ages based on when she said she'd get there. There's no need to angst about it. She can be an easy breezy sort who doesn't stick to specific timings, but other people don't have to fall in with that. Set yourself free from worrying about what people think of you when their behaviour shows they mainly only care about themselves.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

aspiring2021 · 04/05/2025 14:10

I was commenting to say exactly this, I'd just learn for future and when you agree a meeting place/time, I would be clear if you need to leave by a certain time, so it will hopefully encourage her to be prompt!

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Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

OP posts:
DappledThings · 04/05/2025 14:12

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:05

Does it matter she said she would aim for that time?

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It would matter to me certainly. If the plan is to meet somewhere by 11 then that's the plan. 50 minutes late is taking the piss. Perfectly fine to have left when you did.