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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I have left so early?

168 replies

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 13:36

I meet a friend today who's got two kids and I've got one.

We live 35 mins from each other so I suggested to meet at a country type park. It opens at 10. She said she would get there for 10.30-11. She messaged on the day and said she would get there at 11.15. eventually see her at 11.50

Was I rude to leave at 12.50? We only spent an hour with each other but by that time I had been there for 3 hours and my 18 month old needed a nap and I wanted to get home.

Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?

I thought being outside would be good.

Aibu for leaving

OP posts:
Chewygummy · 04/05/2025 15:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:37

Pineapplewaves · 04/05/2025 15:32

If I’ve got to travel 35 minutes to get somewhere I’m staying there for the day. Could you not have taken a picnic and a pushchair for your child to nap in. You could have had a lovely day walking around the country park, nice picnic, time at the play park, ice cream afterwards etc.

It seems a waste of time to have travelled all that way for an hour. I would have cracked on with my day and left my friend to come and find me once she eventually arrived.

Imagine if she arrived at 10.30 when she planned to. Instead she was 90 mins later

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:36

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 15:34

OP did “crack on” with her day - which involved letting her child nap!

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Yep I work full time and these two days i need to crack on. I don't need a sleep deprived baby who won't sleep in the pram with a snooze shade. I tried but he wouldn't do it. I also don't think you can keep a crawling and two mobile children happy all day.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:34

Pineapplewaves · 04/05/2025 15:32

If I’ve got to travel 35 minutes to get somewhere I’m staying there for the day. Could you not have taken a picnic and a pushchair for your child to nap in. You could have had a lovely day walking around the country park, nice picnic, time at the play park, ice cream afterwards etc.

It seems a waste of time to have travelled all that way for an hour. I would have cracked on with my day and left my friend to come and find me once she eventually arrived.

If I went to her it's 35 minutes.... She didn't mention about meeting half way. And it takes me 15 mins to get to the place. Also it's just a park type place you go to. With nice buggy friendly paths and a park. She goes there lots.

Also I wouldn't be arriving at midday when someone arrives at 10?

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 15:34

Pineapplewaves · 04/05/2025 15:32

If I’ve got to travel 35 minutes to get somewhere I’m staying there for the day. Could you not have taken a picnic and a pushchair for your child to nap in. You could have had a lovely day walking around the country park, nice picnic, time at the play park, ice cream afterwards etc.

It seems a waste of time to have travelled all that way for an hour. I would have cracked on with my day and left my friend to come and find me once she eventually arrived.

OP did “crack on” with her day - which involved letting her child nap!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/05/2025 15:33

I think you were fine to leave when you did! Esp as you told her you’d be arriving at 10.

I think you’re fine to do what suits you, esp as she did what suited her. People can often be late with kids but it’s not unreasonable for you to want to leave after nearly 3 hours!

If you meet her again you can either take her timings with a pinch of salt, and be late too, or just be very clear when you’ll be leaving.

I think the time when you’ve got napping kids (who often also can be waking at night etc) is tricky because every one’s child has a different routine/ sleep needs and you are both working to a different but equally important and sometimes rigid schedule.

Pineapplewaves · 04/05/2025 15:32

If I’ve got to travel 35 minutes to get somewhere I’m staying there for the day. Could you not have taken a picnic and a pushchair for your child to nap in. You could have had a lovely day walking around the country park, nice picnic, time at the play park, ice cream afterwards etc.

It seems a waste of time to have travelled all that way for an hour. I would have cracked on with my day and left my friend to come and find me once she eventually arrived.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 04/05/2025 15:30

YANBU She was flaky and rude. The day doesn’t revolve around her

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:29

I've actually just realized that I've been running after her since children.

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:28

PinkyFlamingo · 04/05/2025 15:22

No it's not clear, saying what time you will be there is not agreeing a meeting time.

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I was there at the time I said I would be there... Which was before het time and her actual time on the day. It's a park so I didnt have to worry about keeping a child entertained In a car park. Was actually fine imo

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:26

Ponoka7 · 04/05/2025 15:25

That should make you come to the realisation that neither of you are true friends.

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Yeah sure

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:26

Ponoka7 · 04/05/2025 15:23

Most people would ask if everything is ok. Support doesn't mean emotional support. Husband's aren't always easy to live with. Her going back to work for two days, could be for a variety of reasons. If it doesn't occur to you to ask, then she's a Mum friend, not a friend. However, as said, you leaving was fine. I (we) always make our/her leaving time clear, with my, perpetually late sister.

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She's fine. She just doesn't make the effort to see people and think they should see her. She says that about other people and it's clicked today.

She didn't even apologize for being late or ask if I'm ok staying. I've been to her all the time, I've traveled and even on my day off work.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/05/2025 15:25

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:22

No I'm not jealous of her. I was called a bad friend because she decides to be flakey. She's got plenty of support around her and I would expect them to see anything that's wrong with her. It's not my burden for someone who I rarely see and just ignores my messages, is it?

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That should make you come to the realisation that neither of you are true friends.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:24

InBedBy10 · 04/05/2025 15:18

YANBU to leave when you did so I wouldn't give it another thought.

However, you can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. It seems you resent her because her life is so "perfect" and yours isn't. In your mind anyway. I'm 100% on my own with 4 kids so I get how tough it is, I really do. But projecting your unhappiness onto others isn't the way to go OP.

I'm also not unhappy.

You have four children by yourself so you know you need to keep your head above water and not take on more than you can handle.

Being a single parent is much harder than having a second pair of hands, or the many pair of hands that she has.

And yes she's got no money issues, she's got a very helpful husband (by her own admissions) and plenty of local family who support. So yes it's perfect in that sense and no reason she can't turn up on time and ipeople are expecting me to do the running after her. Nope.

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 04/05/2025 15:23

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:40

No. Re read. Another poster said I should be following up why someone is being flakey and not responding to my messages, because I'm "not a good friend". I simply suggested that she's got lots of support around her that can help her better than I can. I've got no one.

Also since when was being flakey anything other than people not caring too much about you. 99% of the time it's that. She's got a perfect life with support, money and resources. I don't. I prioritize.

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Most people would ask if everything is ok. Support doesn't mean emotional support. Husband's aren't always easy to live with. Her going back to work for two days, could be for a variety of reasons. If it doesn't occur to you to ask, then she's a Mum friend, not a friend. However, as said, you leaving was fine. I (we) always make our/her leaving time clear, with my, perpetually late sister.

PinkyFlamingo · 04/05/2025 15:22

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:13

Wouldnt that be clear by me saying I'm going to be there at 10? Which is up to an hour before she planned on being that and was 2 hours after she turned up?

Or did she just think I was going to wait around for hours all day?

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No it's not clear, saying what time you will be there is not agreeing a meeting time.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:22

InBedBy10 · 04/05/2025 15:18

YANBU to leave when you did so I wouldn't give it another thought.

However, you can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. It seems you resent her because her life is so "perfect" and yours isn't. In your mind anyway. I'm 100% on my own with 4 kids so I get how tough it is, I really do. But projecting your unhappiness onto others isn't the way to go OP.

No I'm not jealous of her. I was called a bad friend because she decides to be flakey. She's got plenty of support around her and I would expect them to see anything that's wrong with her. It's not my burden for someone who I rarely see and just ignores my messages, is it?

OP posts:
InBedBy10 · 04/05/2025 15:18

YANBU to leave when you did so I wouldn't give it another thought.

However, you can't be friends with someone you're jealous of. It seems you resent her because her life is so "perfect" and yours isn't. In your mind anyway. I'm 100% on my own with 4 kids so I get how tough it is, I really do. But projecting your unhappiness onto others isn't the way to go OP.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:15

Hankunamatata · 04/05/2025 15:12

Your literally aibu was
"Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?"

Yes you should have. If I'm invited to countey park driving 35min then I would expect to spend the day. And yes your friend was rude being late but you didn't tell her your plans either

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I have always gone to her house which is 35 mins away. I wouldn't expect to spend the whole day there. And neither would I want to. She didn't have to agree to spend the day there and I made it clear last week about mornings only being viable as he wakes up early and has a nap.

Hence why I suggested 10am when the place opened

Where's her concern for me? .

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 04/05/2025 15:12

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:08

I wanted to leave at 12 to be honest lol

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Your literally aibu was
"Should I have made it clear I was needing to leave by 12.30 on a normal day to keep in line his nap day?"

Yes you should have. If I'm invited to countey park driving 35min then I would expect to spend the day. And yes your friend was rude being late but you didn't tell her your plans either

CiaoMeow · 04/05/2025 15:09

YADNBU. We had a similar issue with a friend who kept turning up late for a drink. For months we just let it go and just stayed later to make up for her lateness. Then one day I realised what mugs we were being, and we left at the right, meaning that we only got 40 minutes instead of 1.5 hours or so. We only had to do it a couple of time before the penny dropped and the problem was solved. People treat you how you let them treat you.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:08

CalleOcho · 04/05/2025 15:07

Do you feel guilty for leaving?

If so, stop that.

You’ve nothing to feel guilty for. Your friend was late- that’s a her problem.

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I wanted to leave at 12 to be honest lol

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:08

Arancia · 04/05/2025 15:05

I think if you are only able to meet someone for a short period of time, you have to let them know at which time you'll be leaving. I don't want to drive for 35 minutes only to meet with someone for an hour.

On the other hand, it's rude to keep someone waiting for a long time.

I think you both should have done better.

Done better? I was there for 3 hours. She doesn't work, it's Sunday and no supermarket open until 11.

So there is nothing she was doing the night before etc. she's got help at home.

I said I was getting there at 10. She could have had 3 hours with me. Choose not to. I can't change my child nap time.

We both have children, her younger one is 3 months younger

OP posts:
CalleOcho · 04/05/2025 15:07

OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 14:07

I guess Im a people pleaser.

Do you feel guilty for leaving?

If so, stop that.

You’ve nothing to feel guilty for. Your friend was late- that’s a her problem.

Original poster
OneDenimQuoter · 04/05/2025 15:06

Arancia · 04/05/2025 15:05

I think if you are only able to meet someone for a short period of time, you have to let them know at which time you'll be leaving. I don't want to drive for 35 minutes only to meet with someone for an hour.

On the other hand, it's rude to keep someone waiting for a long time.

I think you both should have done better.

What about turning up on time?

OP posts: