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Original poster

To be annoyed at DH unrealistic exprctations

107 replies

Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:16

DH just seems to be unrealistic with his expectations. When DS now 4 was a baby he just expected him to sleep when he was supposed to fed when he was supposed to and generally just fit in with his previous life. He is still like it now woth DS and expects him to just sit quietly watching TV and to be fully obedient until he is ready to play with him.

He has said for a long time he wanted a dog, so we got a puppy and the same thing is happening again. Puppy is 11 weeks and has been with us a week. He expects him to just be potty trained and sleep in his crate within a couple of days, he expects him to never bark and to be able to be left alone in a room whilst we all potter around the home. I've told him this is unrealistic and can take months.

He is now walking around slamming things and swearing, saying he wants to get rid of the dog. He's so argumentative at the moment and nothing anyone does is right. Apparently every time the dog doesn't do something he wants its somehow my fault.

AIBU to be really annoyed at this. How do I get it through to him it just needs patience (which appears to be something he lacks)

OP posts:
NotSorry · 04/05/2025 13:46

We've got two puppies who are now 19 weeks old. It is full-on! My husband is retired, and I am semi-retired, and we are finding it so busy. However, we had realistic expectations and borrowed my step-daughter's dog regularly for 2 years before finally getting our own dogs. I don't think bringing a dog into this situation was a good idea, and I agree with PPs that he/she needs to be returned to the breeder, for his sake as well as yours.

outerspacepotato · 04/05/2025 13:43

You're unrealistic to think he's going to change.

You married a rigid and controlling and cruel man who slams things and curses when young children and a little puppy act according to their nature. He demands compliance.

Your son is not allowed to enjoy his home or his life. Your husband will stomp every bit of enjoyment and childishness out of him. Do you want a grey life for your son of sitting meekly and compliantly on a sofa? No fun ever?

Re-home the pup. Dump the cruel man.

thestudio · 04/05/2025 13:43

zeibesaffron · 04/05/2025 13:38

Your H is a prick- he is a nasty, controlling prick who you need to leave to safeguard your child. You have much bigger issues than the dog (please rehome the dog now) - see a solicitor asap and leave before this escalates.

This - and the first sentence is almost universally applicable to relationships posts.

BunnyLake · 04/05/2025 13:42

Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:35

I do often think he's suited to just living alone.

Yes he does. Maybe you can suggest it to him. Apart from money what on earth is he bringing to the table?

zeibesaffron · 04/05/2025 13:38

Your H is a prick- he is a nasty, controlling prick who you need to leave to safeguard your child. You have much bigger issues than the dog (please rehome the dog now) - see a solicitor asap and leave before this escalates.

LandSharksAnonymous · 04/05/2025 13:36

YABU to have bought a dog into a household where one of the adults clearly lacks the ability, time and patience to put much effort into anything.

Take the poor dog back to the breeder, please. 11 weeks is about 'peak' good boy (as my sister would call it). The next 12 months are going to be grim and it's unfair to put a dog through that when there are good homes out there where he won't be yelled at. As with children, dogs should never grow up in aggressive environments - but, I doubt you'll leave your DH and save your kid from this, so at least ensure the dog doesn't suffer.

Pickledpeanuts · 04/05/2025 13:34

Please return the puppy, it's no life for a dog trying to learn around someone who is angry and slamming doors.
What does your DH contribute to family life? How does he handle when things go wrong, or illness. Based on the snapshot you've given of him here I can't see the value of staying with him?

ScholesPanda · 04/05/2025 13:28

Sounds like a raging narcissist to me.

Everyone else is just a non-playable character.

Snugglemonkey · 04/05/2025 13:26

Basically, he is a dick. He is showing you what a dick he is.

lifeonmars100 · 04/05/2025 13:25

Immature, selfish and totally unwilling to learn about and take on board the developmental milestones and needs of your child and your puppy. He won't change, poor you.

ChaToilLeam · 04/05/2025 13:25

Outandabout43 · 04/05/2025 11:35

I do often think he's suited to just living alone.

Sounds like it.

Give him what he needs, rehome that poor puppy and kick this miserable man out of your lives. Your poor DS, this is no way for him to spend his childhood.

BrainWontWorkAnymore · 04/05/2025 13:23

@Outandabout43 OP, your H is abusive. He is controlling, verbally abusive and dangerous. You and your son are walking on eggshells and that is NOT RIGHT. If your H considers himself the owner of the pup and walks it, he isn’t going to take kindly to being told to rehome it so set the pup to one side for now. You need to leave for the sake of your son. Find your mama bear and get angry. Protect the most precious thing you have - your son. He is more important than the puppy.

Do you own or rent? Do you work? You need to collect important documents and keep them safe while you get your ducks in a row. Leave him and let him deal with the dog. Once you leave then you can get the pup out of the situation but you and your son need to get out and get safe first xx

Willyoushutthefrontdoor · 04/05/2025 13:19

Annoyed? I'd be fkn raging tbh. He'd be told to fk off and not to tell me when we were 'allowed' in rooms in our house. Is this the life you want for you and your child? I could not live like this and I suggest you think on about what your future could be like if this is the way he goes on...

KarmaKameelion · 04/05/2025 13:15

we got a dog in when my son just turned two and it was a hell for a few weeks. We did get through it but somehow think my DH looked at getting a dog through rose tinted glasses as opposed to the reality of hard work. Do not keep the dog unless you are prepared to do everything for it. There is no shame is rehoming it- best thing to do is call the breeder and explain.

while you are at it I would think very carefully about having anymore children with this man…

Gundogday · 04/05/2025 13:14

Mrsttcno1 · 04/05/2025 11:24

This.

We have a Labrador and we all absolutely adore him, love him, would never be without him. But for the first year of his life he was HARD work, biting, eating things he shouldn’t, destroying furniture or toys if not watched 24/7, pulling on the lead, not sleeping all night, recall training which is an endless job, barking/whining at absolutely nothing, unable to be left alone etc. The training that goes into raising a well rounded dog is massive, it takes more time, patience and effort than you ever imagine and more patience and effort, if he already can’t be arsed after 1 week then send the dog back so it can be placed in a home where it will get exactly what it needs.

Show quote history

This.

Blackcountrychik83 · 04/05/2025 13:09

LoafofSellotape · 04/05/2025 11:20

I would re-home the dog now, it's not fair on anyone in the family least of all the dog. Can't see she's behaviour getting any better anytime soon, what a twat!

Edited

I would rehome the husband and keep the dog !

Cucy · 04/05/2025 13:09

Tell him to grow up and stop acting like a childish twat.

Even my teen knows to be patient and would not expect a young child or puppy to understand how to do things without being taught over time.

And why is it then it’s all your fault.

He sounds absolutely awful!

TisILeClair · 04/05/2025 13:07

He sounds a bit thick tbh

Apreslapluielesoleil · 04/05/2025 13:05

Return the puppy to breeder/ rescue centre.
Tell husband to move out and maybe come back when he’s grown up. I doubt he’ll improve though.

Loloj · 04/05/2025 13:03

Having said that I think you be better off getting rid of your awful husband so you can allow your child to be a child. I couldn’t live with someone like that - he sounds controlling not a very nice person at all.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/05/2025 12:58

LoafofSellotape · 04/05/2025 11:20

I would re-home the dog now, it's not fair on anyone in the family least of all the dog. Can't see she's behaviour getting any better anytime soon, what a twat!

Edited

It wouldn't be the dog here.

The puppy has plenty of scope for learning and improvement. Can't say the same for a grown man this dim and aggressive.

Loloj · 04/05/2025 12:57

Yep another vote for taking the poor puppy back to the breeder so the puppy will go to a better home. Poor thing will be petrified with him slamming doors etc.

What an idiot thinking the puppy would be housetrained and behaving perfectly within a couple of days. Also depending on the breed you could have a “Velcro” dog who follows you everywhere (even when out of the puppy stage).

Heronwatcher · 04/05/2025 12:55

Keep dog. Rehome twattish husband with his mother.

LunaTheCat · 04/05/2025 12:53

OP you sound like you need a long weekend away with your girlfriends and because your husband is so so very capable he will of course have no issues stepping up with caring for your baby and the puppy for say Friday to. Onsay.. and of course you are so sorry , you where going to fill the fridge for him and get up to date with washing but because you where busy you ran out time 😉

BobbyBiscuits · 04/05/2025 12:53

He sounds appalling. How could you cope day to day with this shit.
Does he have a personality disorder? Or is he a sociopath or something?
I don't think you should be with him. I wouldn't trust him alone with the dog or the child. I'd be concerned he'd abuse them physically with an attitude like that.

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