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Original poster

Can't decide between friends...

85 replies

Ethicaldebacle · 04/05/2025 10:31

I've posted about my friend and her birthday weekend away. (Originally it was supposed to be child free, and then it turned out they're bringing kids...) So I really didn't want to go any more.

Anyway, so my best friend calls me yesterday and she told me she's coming to visit me as her work trip is allowing her to stay for an extra week, but she'd have to stay with to save on costs. No problem whatsoever, she's my best friend and lives across the pond so I only see her every 3 years or so.

So it turns out she's staying the same weekend as this other friend's weekend away. So I ask the birthday friend if I can bring my friend and she unilaterally said no. Fair enough it's her birthday, but at the same time I can't just leave my friend that I never get to see...

So who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Original poster
Ethicaldebacle · 04/05/2025 10:46

MeganM3 · 04/05/2025 10:39

Have you already booked the trip away and you now cancelling impact anyone else? Other than the birthday person being a bit disappointed/ annoyed?
If not, I would absolutely politely decline the invite and spend time with your friend who is visiting.
And I’d phrase it like this ‘ thanks for inviting me. As my friend is staying with me that week I won’t be able to leave her to come on the trip, we rarely get to see eachother. Have an amazing time away’

It wouldn't affect anyone apart from the "disappointment" and my wallet.

OP posts:
andweallloveclover · 04/05/2025 10:45

toomuchfaff · 04/05/2025 10:40

Well now you have an amazing ready made excuse.

Tell them you're out because you have to host friend from over the pond. Job done.

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This ^^

You have asked if your friend can also come and have been told no. Therefore you just tell your friend that unfortunately if your other friend cannot come then you won't be able to either as you can't just leave her on her own.

So if your friend with the birthday celebrations really wants you there then she should understand your predicament and either allow your friend to come, or be okay with the fact you won't be able to because of this other friend.

I know things are not always that simple though and she may well get the huff but if this friend from overseas is your best friend that you rarely get chance to see then I am sorry but this top trumps the birthday weekend for me.

Callie247 · 04/05/2025 10:44

Well it’s going to be obvious now she knows your friend is over the same time but I think I’d be going with the best friend rather than the inflexible friend who let’s be honest probably doesn’t care if you miss out on your bestie for another three years by going to her party instead.

toomuchfaff · 04/05/2025 10:40

Ethicaldebacle · 04/05/2025 10:37

Yes correct, but I was going to claim I was poorly on the weekend.

Show quote history

Well now you have an amazing ready made excuse.

Tell them you're out because you have to host friend from over the pond. Job done.

Olika · 04/05/2025 10:39

You didn’t want to go before your friend asked about staying over so just decline the bday celebrations. You do need to learn to be more assertive though to make decisions that you want to make instead of agreeing on things just to please someone.

MeganM3 · 04/05/2025 10:39

Have you already booked the trip away and you now cancelling impact anyone else? Other than the birthday person being a bit disappointed/ annoyed?
If not, I would absolutely politely decline the invite and spend time with your friend who is visiting.
And I’d phrase it like this ‘ thanks for inviting me. As my friend is staying with me that week I won’t be able to leave her to come on the trip, we rarely get to see eachother. Have an amazing time away’

Original poster
Ethicaldebacle · 04/05/2025 10:37

strawlight · 04/05/2025 10:36

Thought you’d decided you weren’t going on the birthday weekend, because of all the kids?

Yes correct, but I was going to claim I was poorly on the weekend.

OP posts:
strawlight · 04/05/2025 10:36

Thought you’d decided you weren’t going on the birthday weekend, because of all the kids?

BoyDoIMissSecrets · 04/05/2025 10:34

I feel if you’ve committed to something then that’s what you do, it’s a bit shitty to drop that friend because you’ve had a better alternative come up at a later date.

FloraBotticelli · 04/05/2025 10:34

Don’t go to something you don’t want to go to. Why haven’t you already declined the weekend away?

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