To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

Insisting a child with adhd must be medicated is lazy. It means the child is being forced to take medication he doesn't want to take, in order to make himself appear more neurotypical and therefore more acceptable to the people around him.

The onus should be on society learning to accept people who are different, not medicating children so they can fit in.

Something sounds very strange about this, with ADHD seemingly a BIG DEAL in your household, as that’s how your child is reacting.

I have one with ADHD (and many other letters😁). It was never a big deal. It was explained, some people have blonde hair, some people have brown hair, some people have blue eyes, some people have brown eyes, some people have ADHD, some people don’t, some people have glasses, some people don’t, sone people are tall, some people are short, some are boys, some are girls. It’s really no more complex than that. If you approach it that way from the outset, it’s no different in their minds to having brown hair or blue eyes, or being a boy/girl just another standard difference between people in a really long list.

Same with medication. Doesn’t make you ‘special’. It doesn’t make you ‘different’. Most people need medication for something these days. I’ve always taken meds, DH always took meds, I’ve got another child that started on their first meds at 3 days old. In fact, not taking meds pretty much makes you the odd one out these days😁. Again, if you make it all a BIG DEAL, this is the sort of reaction you are going to get. Sitting down to watch wanky videos is only going to reinforce that it’s a BIG DEAL.

Mine loves their meds. Just as well as no way they’d be living here if they didn’t take them, utter nightmare, and it wasn’t just them, they lived in a household including siblings so there would not have been a ‘sure, don’t take them, and we’ll all suffer’ approach, that’s not fair to the others. When they were older - mid teens- they got their first pair of glasses and then were finally able to explain the meds, they said it was just like glasses but for their brain, and like the glasses made their eyes see clearly, the meds made their brain think clearly.

How could the child's occasional poor handwriting possibly be affecting anyone else?

You're assuming he's disruptive purely on the basis of him having adhd, which is ableist.

Clearly none! Both my kids are ASD/ADHD and neither have ever been a disruptive force in school. In fact, both are often referred to as ‘perfect’ students.

Comments like the one you replied to sadden me because it shows just how little understanding there is even today of the range of issues, difficulties, presentations of ND conditions.

I’m interested in why he doesn’t like taking his medicine - does it make him feel less like himself? Maybe a doctor could explain the benefits to him in more detail so he appreciates he’s lucky to be getting it instead of seeing it as a burden?

It’s a simple thing to explain to him that the school has the right to make the rules around whether he gets his pen licence and he needs to respect this (it’s not helping him long term to be treated as though he’s a special case).

This. You need to explain to your son that his medication is no different to being prescribed glasses for reading. Without glasses a person will not be able to see properly and therefore do well at school. It doesn’t mean they are deficient, disabled, or less than. Glasses are prescribed to help them managed their short-sightedness, along with strategies such as changing font sizes, using audio texts etc.

Medication for ADHD is the same. It doesn’t imply a value judgment, it is not prescribed to take away their ADHD, it is prescribed to help them manage the inconvenience of the symptoms of their form of ADHD until, or in conjunction with, their finding other management strategies such as using stimming toys etc.

I think he does need to see that there's a

How many SEN children do you have?

Then this is something you need to work on because his diagnosis is not going to change. You need to be making sure he isn’t ashamed of his condition, that he understands that everyone’s brain works differently and that while his brain makes it harder for him to do some things unless he has had his medication, he can mitigate this by taking the medication to deal with times when it is important that he needs to be focussed eg school. At other times he probably can leave off the medication and let his creativity and ability to make different connections with the world be at the forefront.

I think he sounds very self aware in choosing not to take his medication. I would be tempted to tell him that on the days he doesn’t take his medication he will need to use a pencil and not wait for his license to be taken away. Let him come to terms with that rather than be upset about the loss of the license on a particular day.

I genuinely can't believe a young child is being given a choice over whether he takes his medication or not. My DS is 12 and it's never been optional for him.

Why are you allowing a year 4 child a choice in whether he takes his medication or not?

This. My son is dysgraphic and when he was in juniors would resist using a keyboard but then his output was low & unreadable. We dealt with it nicely at first and then got tougher with him and laid down the law. I think one can pussyfoot round all of this - not down to the school to police his meds it’s down to you.

Hey give her a break. She's tried absolutely nothing and she's all out of ideas. Seriously, who's in charge here? Because it's not the mother.

THIS

As the parent of a 16 year old with ADHD, taking meds is not a 'do I fancy it today option'.

It is in her best interests and the best interests of her teachers and peer group.

In fact DD's friends alway know when she has forgotten her meds as she's very annoying to be around or sit next to and they now remind her.

Yes you can take breaks at weekends and holidays, but otherwise you need to see it like insulin and stop giving a 7 year old choices.

I think, gently, YABU. Lots of people need to take medication for lots of reasons. My friends child has had a transplant, they can’t just decide they don’t feel like taking their anti rejection meds one day.

Choices have consequences and tbh this is a nice clear one for him to see. If he doesn’t take his meds he’s likely going to lose his own license.

I’ve never heard of a “pen license” and laughed when I read the post. Sounds like a massive over engineering of a fairly innocuous decision about whether a child should use a pen for writing. I’d say play down the importance of a bloody pen and otherwise gently explain that it’s not a punishment but if he doesn’t take his medication then he might make more mistakes so pencil is better those days?!

Big leap from not having a pen license to going to prison..

Maybe I could have explained better. Children with ADHD need support and help (and yes maybe meds) they don’t need their confidence shattered or made to feel crap about themselves. When they feel upset and angry that is when they act out and make bad choices.

Of course they need to learn about consequences for bad behaviour. But punishing them when they are scared about taking medication? When they are upset about a recent diagnosis? Not sure this is the best approach.

The best approach is for him to feel positive about his diagnosis and willing to take the meds and see the benefits. We’re all coming at this from either a stick or a carrot angle. And personally I feel the carrot may be more effective on this situation.

I’m assuming a ‘pen license’ is something the students receive when their handwriting is at a certain standard so that they can use a pen instead of a pencil? If his handwriting isn’t at the expected standard it’s reasonable that he license is removed, just like if his spelling isn’t good enough to be in the top spelling group it would be reasonable to move him to a lower group and if his football wasn’t good enough to be in the A-team it would be reasonable to put him in the B-team. Just because he has adhd doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have to meet the same expectations as the other students (and I say that as someone with adhd and autism myself). Would you expect a person with ADHD to receive a driving license if they didn’t meet the required standard when taking the test?

If you have adhd you should have reasonable adjustments to help you achieve, but that doesn’t mean lowering the level of expectation. Reasonable accommodations for his ADHD would be things like pencil grips, specialised seating to support his core or thicker lined paper etc, things that can help him get his handwriting to the expected standard to hold a pen license. Allowing him to hold the license without his handwriting being at the required standard is not a reasonable adjustment. Also this is a good lesson for him as to why he should take his medication!

Pen license sounds like everything that's wrong in our education system right now tbh. What bull shit. Setting kids up to fail and lose confidence.

Can't believe parents support
This crap

What the fuck is a pen licence? Sounds hideous, glad my children aren't going to school in the UK!

Anyway, there could be two different issues here with the medication. Does he suffer unpleasant side effects or feel bad on the medication? If so then you need to try a different medication. There will be something different that could be better for him.

If the issue is more his refusal to accept the ADHD then I would say that's a bigger problem and one that definitely needs some work because that sort of self-hatred is only going to grow and become a bigger problem as he gets older. I speak from experience.

I don't really go along with the whole 'ADHD is my superpower' vibe that's popular at the moment, for my daughter though we were very clear that this is not a bad thing, an illness or a problem. It's just one example of how different people's brains work differently. We led with the fact that I have it also, so she didn't feel too different to all around her. I bought her some books that explained it at her level better than I could. I pointed out the successful people at the top of their field as good examples - in her case this meant Simone Biles, Emma Watson and Shakira, they were the ones that resonated with her.

If he's trying to ignore it, please don't. You don't need to make it the basis of his existence but he (and you) need to learn to work with it rather than against it. In my case the medication completely changed my inner voice, the one that spoke self-hatred to me all the time. It helped me accept myself as I am. Unless he has unpleasant side effects there's no reason for him not to accept the help that medication can give, and at his age it is particularly effective. It doesn't mean he'll always have to take it but it can set a much better tone for his future.

Well let me speak plainly - those children with ADHD who don't learn to care about consequences (and have high hyperactivity/ impulsivity) AND don't get diagnosis early enough for support tend to get their diagnosis in prison or when they're going through addiction services or when their lives have otherwise hit a wall. I wish I was joking but I'm not.

I have ADHD and parent DC with ADHD. I coach my children EVERY SINGLE DAY to link choices and consequences. Every single day. This includes teaching them hacks for self-regulation.

At school I was more like your son Delatron (I put my hyperactivity into extracurricular stuff). I'm glad he got his diagnosis and medication because my life would have been enormously different if I'd had that support.

My son had cancer, it's the reason why he'll likely have to meds multiple times a day for the rest of his life and I'm not offended, it actually crossed my mind when I first read the thread due to the many more meds he had to take when going through treatment.