To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

Well then you just remind him that there will be consequences to not taking his medication- such as losing his pen license. His choice.

The school should be more understanding and I’d ignore some of the appalling attitudes on this thread if I was you OP. Your son sounds like he tries and that he cares, if he didn’t then he wouldn’t be upset about this, so he sounds like a good kid.

Although I’m usually supportive of school rules, I’d try to make him realise that this idea of a pen license isn’t that important, what is important is that he tries. One of my children always had lovely handwriting, the other not so much! His handwriting was NEVER mentioned at secondary school. We brought it up in year 7 at parents evening as it had ALWAYS been mentioned at primary school and I couldn’t believe how much of a non issue it was. They encouraged good presentation of course, but if they could read it, it was fine. He is at uni now, still has messy handwriting, but it’s not an issue.

Try not to let it knock his confidence. Talk to the school, they should at least reassure him so that he’s not feeling disheartened.

In my year 4 class, we have a child (in fact we have 3) with ADHD and autism. He has a hard won EHCP and is on medication. However, the EHCP does not guarantee 1:1 support; all it does is provide small group or individual interventions (which he will often refuse to access.) He is frequently disruptive (especially in the afternoons) as the work makes him too anxious and will refuse learning breaks as returning to the class also fuels anxiety.

We do everything we can to accommodate him and his needs whilst also dealing with the other 2 children with similar needs. And also supporting the remaining 27.

Now, if he doesn't take his medication the result is a day of intolerable stress for him. One of the adults in the room has been pushed, punched and bitten. School equipment has been destroyed.

On such a day, his mum will not answer the phone or respond to any messages. Nor will she officially inform us that he has refused his meds.

Our little lad is in entirely the wrong setting. It's heartbreaking.

Our scenario is nearer the extreme end of the spectrum but it demonstrates that even an EHCP will not guarantee 1:1 support and that the effects of medication refusal are huge. And the very thought of giving and then taking away a pen license..? 🤯

If I didn't take my medication, I would be unproductive at work and not do my job well. I would then get pulled up on this.

My employer has a responsibility to make reasonable adjustments for my ADHD but "accept my shoddy work" isn't a reasonable adjustment.

Your son needs to learn the reasonable adjustments include helping him help himself and if his handwriting is to poor, as a consequence of him not taking his prescribed medication, to write in pen then he'll lose his pen license, just like if when he starts work, if his work is poor, he'll lose his job.

Learning now while the stakes are low is probably for the best.

Nope it is about what ND means and how it is being misused.

Totally agree with this .

It doesn't do kids any favours to give them the expectation that allowances will always be made for their neurodisability, because out side of their immediate families, allowances will not always be made, especially as children get older.

No, because a child with diabetes would die or suffer severe complications if they didn’t take insulin. Insulin generally makes patients feel much better too.
Medication for ADHD is not a ‘cure’, is far more subjective and has side effects which can make children feel grotty. For some people, there are also other ways of managing ADHD.
The two aren’t comparable

I’d be wary of any school that uses pen licenses. Not best practice these days!

His choice has consequences - for him and everyone else in class, including his teacher.

I havent read everything, I have had the same problem. I don’t agree with it. It’s really negative and affects their self esteem, makes them feel worse than they already do because the school system is not set up for children who don’t fit in a box. I would look at the school website they should have their policies on their SEND policies, SEND code of practice. I would print it off and have a look through and organise a meeting, with school teacher and sendco. Explain your issues and how your son feels and say your feelings. I have had a same discussion about a pen license which is so ridiculous the drama around a pen license, I said he’s never going to be the neatest in the class but some of the others will never be as good as him in other areas. So I never want you to take it away again. It’s really hard aswell, because people who don’t live with children who have difficulties just don’t really understand and it’s exhausting explaining. But I just think if I don’t advocate for him then school would eventually crush his mental wellbeing into oblivion.xx

Wow. The fact is that the world isn't made to fit the neurodiverse. It's made of the majority, rightly or wrongly. Bringing up a child with ADHD or any other diversity to expect the world to accomodate them rather than the other way around is doing them a disservice. Changing society simply isn't that easy and it's a parent's responsibility to prepare their child for the world they live in. Not the imaginary utopia in their head. Yes, adaptations should and can be made, but the adult world is a lot more complicated than that.

And lazy is a bit of a stretch. I'm 49 and am reasonably recently medicated, and it's not because I'm lazy. I was the fucking queen of masking, I was brilliant at it but oh my God it was hard! I don't want to do it anymore and that doesn't make me lazy, it makes me tired. I wish I'd been medicated decades ago, my life would have been very different.

I'm not NT.

And yes, I learned the hard way that fitting in makes life much easier and better. So thank you for the sympathy... genuinely.

@ThePunnyPeachDuck your comments keep being deleted but I’ll go out on a limb and say the answer is none.

This, 100%

stop blaming the school and take responsibility

Completely agree.

Criticising disabled children is the lowest of the low.

Imaging saying a child who can’t walk far due to a physical disability should be parented better as they slow down the class. There would be an uproar.

It depends on the NT person really doesn't it? Some people do "put up with" ND people and actually love and care about them, quirks and all. I'm sorry for you that you can't relate to that.

All you can do is talk to him about how/if he thinks his medication affects him. Does he like being able to concentrate, write more neatly, not being told off for fidgeting? If he doesn't want his friends to know he has ADHD (although there is nothing shameful about it) what can he do to achieve that? Hopefully he decides the advantages of taking his medication are worth it, or he accepts the consequences of not taking it (hard lessons to learn at 9).

That's basically the same as "everyone's a little bit adhd" isn't it?

Which is patently nonsense.

Obviously some people are neurotypical, otherwise neurodivergent people wouldn't exist, and denying the existence and experience of disabled people is also ableist.

It's like ableist whack a mole in here.

England - not the UK.

And good luck with that.

Go for it if you want to make your life unnecessarily difficult.

Or maybe turn it on its head.

People with ND need to learn to accept that NT people are different and won't put up with their quirks just as much as NT people need to learn to put up with ND traits.

There is no such thing as NT. No typical brain exists.

OP has said he is fidgety.

As the parent of a child with ADHD who is fidgety when not medicated it is intensely annoying to be around.

DD's friends don't like to sit next to her in class when she's forgotten her meds. I don't like to sit next to her on the sofa at home as it drives me insane and I'm her mother and love her unconditionally.

DD has never been "disruptive", but there are consequences - we couldn't get her meds last month and there were 4 days without them. I had emails from teachers asking what had happened as she appeared to have lost all interest in their subject and was very unfocused.

That was time out of their day to contact me, time out of their day worrying about her. Not disruptive bouncing off the walls, but still disruptive to the normal order of things.

What do you suggest she should do? Pin him down and force it down his throat?

Children with sen aren't animals.