To think son’s school should be making special allowances for his ADHD

Not true. I have 3 nd kids and an nd oh so plenty of experience. medication is their choice and isn't a magic wand that solves everything.

Then it's the wrong dosage and needs adjusting.

I agree with you and not everyone benefits from ADHD medication but it does sound like the OPs child does struggle in school without it.

Yes but I guess you also sensibly accept that by them not taking their meds it brings a variety of other issues.

LOL

There are lots of different medications, though. My DD had that reaction to the first 4 (yes 4) different types of medication. They all worked on the ADHD but made her ill, nauseous, and had other side effects that were miserable. The 5th try was the positive life changing result we’d hoped for, but with a few mor manageable side effects (in part because the benefit of pushing through those is the opportunity to go to university having completed her Level 3 course, so she is motivated). It took nearly 2 years to find the right one.

If OP’s DS is refusing to take them because of side effects, then she needs to go back the to the clinician and explore alternatives.

With respect, it might be a positive life changing medication for your son but that’s not the case for every child with ADHD. I have 2 sons with ADHD, both tried medication and it didn’t suit either of them. The side effects were terrible, even at low doses. It affected their sleep and appetite and totally changed their personalities. They became shells of themselves. The oldest one we took off meds and the youngest one made the decision to come off himself.

Yes you sit with him a breakfast and it gets taken as part of a routine. He doesn't leave the table until it is taken. Like any other form of discipline then there can be home consequences for refusing to take it. The child isn't stupid just has ADHD. He understands the difference between doing what is expected and required and what is not. She refers to choice so he understands that as a concept. For this aspect of his life she makes it clear that he does not have a choice.

Any helpful suggestions then?

honestly the amount of ignorant replies on this thread is incredibly depressing.

@charl87xwhat helped my daughter take her medicine was giving her some control over it (some kids with ADHD have a need that feel in control apparently) so she uses the pill crusher herself and then I pour it in the juice and stir and she takes it this way. Giving her the control took away the pressure/demand I think which made her more amenable.

At his age, I’m afraid I would simply have lied and said his daily tablet was vitamins and given it without discussion every morning when serving breakfast.

Sorry but you are the adult and you can make him take it.

If you want to buy in to him having a choice then he also has to accept the consequences of not taking it leading to poor work and the consequences that beings with it.

He wouldn't need to suffer these consequences if you ensure he takes his medication.

This would have been much better placed in the SEN board rather than AIBU.

Some nonsensical replies here.

@Impostersyndicate What do you suggest she should do? Pin him down and force it down his throat?

No. But there are ways to manage this. The most popular would be bribery. To turn it around, if you have a child that literally needs life-saving medication, do you just shrug your shoulders and go ‘meh’? No, you find strategies that work. Again, while not politically popular with some, bribery in different forms work, you just find the right currency. I’ve also had many kids in a professional capacity who carry on and try and refuse (absolutely needed) treatment and half the problem is the parents who treat the child like a semi-adult, and it’s not in the child’s best interest.

Do you pre warn the school if he hasn't took his adhd medication?

We found taking it every day of the week much better as its staying in a routine

Also you need to reframe adhd. Show him famous people. How adhders can be outside the box thinkers and problem solvers.

We call mediation - brain breaks. Doesn't change him just slows down their brain so he can get the best learning out of school. Same as race car analogy. You wouldn't drive a car without brakes and adhd brains don't have the right breaks so medication helps with that job

Sure they can.

But when nobody wants to sit next to little Johnny because they can’t concentrate because little Johnny keeps fidgeting, guess who is the one left upset?

DD’s friends are very nice about it, but they also want to focus in class and get the grades they need for 6th form. So they choose to sit elsewhere in lessons on those days.

So DD remembers to take them so that everyone is happy.

Some harsh replies here. I vaguely remember pen licenses from when I was at school and remember my “gifted and talented” friend getting hers whilst I (the not gifted and talented taken out for extra support friend) was still scratching away with a pencil. I’m not sure i understand how helpful they are but im not a teacher.

I do adhd reviews as part of my work and I’ve had many children refuse their medication for a variety of reasons. Often the side effects or the fact that they don’t feel like themselves when they’re on the medication. You clearly can’t force him and I imagine his psych would not be agreeable to that. Comparing it to insulin and other life saving medications is really not helpful either.

there’s a few things that I would maybe be suggesting but would depend on school/service capacity.

Could you try arranging a medication review? I sometimes find that after a discussion of why they don’t want to take the medication, why we’re prescribing the medication in the first place and hearing that other children experience the same can be helpful. I’ll often explain to children that some people are just not build for a sit down and listen classroom environment but if the medication can help them get through that without getting into trouble all the time (which will be annoying for them) then they can leave school and do something that will be suited to their strengths and needs and may not need medication anymore.

Are there certain days where it’s more important that he takes his medication than others? If he’s not going to take it every day could it be agreed that he takes it the days he has spelling etc but maybe not the day he has PE and an early finish (again depends on the school).

What other strategies can help him managing his ADHD in the classroom? Wobble chairs, movement breaks, maybe there’s a particular seat that’s more distracting than another, etc.

Have a chat with his teacher as well to find out a bit more about what’s happening - is it actually he’s had his pen license taken away because he was drawing all over the table or chucking the lid about for example - sometimes children can be unreliable storytellers!

sorry for the lengthy reply but I hope you are able to find a solution!

From the current National Curriculum guidance:
The programmes of study for writing at key stages 1 and 2 are constructed similarly to those for reading:

• transcription (spelling and handwriting)
• composition (articulating ideas and structuring them in speech and writing)

Pen licences are a useful tool in encouraging children to take pride in their work and to continue to do so. Lots of kids will start to get lazy and scruffy once they receive their PL and so it will be removed to encourage them back to a reasonable standard. Whilst these demands are in the NC and on the OFSTED inspection framework what do people expect primary schools to do? As a society we take licences off drivers who aren't up to standard this is just a small way in which primary schools help socialise children for later in life.

yes indeed. Mine has inattentive ADHD and when the big medication shortage happened a while back it was a nightmare. He has reacted very well to meds, it has to be said - he has the classic side effect of losing his appetite but as he has sensory issues around food anyway in some ways that was barely noticeable and we just front load him at breakfast before he takes the meds, and give him food supplements throughout the day. I always think the medication did not change him- it revealed the real him without all the white noise and buzzing that ADHD caused. When we could not get his meds (and because they are the type that need to be tapered off from, not just stopped) we had to closely monitor his heart rate several times a day and he was being checked over by his consultant. He was a mess. It reminded us of what caused the suggestion he be assessed in the first place. He was incapable of self regulating his emotions and lost all impulse control- in a very scary way. I was being called several times a day by his teachers- one of whom asked what the hell was going on as they were worried he was a danger to himself.

I can't adequately explain how frightening it was. Thing is- pre-medication this was our normal. Post medication he is calmer, happier, interested in life and people and things. Engaging and engaged.

I was very opposed to meds at the beginning but his psychiatrist pointed out that we could always stop medication if it did not work. It took a few months to find the right sort that worked for him but it's been a total game changer. We had a child who was totally dysfunctional and incapable of getting through most days to a child who is happy, calm, has made a friend and who has an exceptional relationship with his cat.

Medicating as deemed required is not lazy parenting. It's offensive for anyone to say that. But the only people who DO say that are profoundly ignorant.

No I don't find it uncomfortable. I find it ignorant, uninformed, like most comments on this thread written by people without much experience of ADHD. .

There are lots of people who shouldn't be teachers, please Ty with outdated viewpoints and who think students and parents exist for their convenience. I'm always pleased to swerve one of them.

He needs to learn that the expectations for him are the same as for everyone else. Otherwise he'll under perform and employers etc won't give a shit if he's diagnosed with ADHD or not. Absolutely the school should handle this with compassion. But they shouldn't expect less of him due to his ADHD. Surely you agree with this OP. It's harder for him - but not impossible.

This. He shouldn't be forced to take his medication - my dc stopped taking theirs as it didn't agree with them. Made them feel wired and unable to talk. Is this happening with your son? The school should accommodate your sons additional needs with/ without his medication. As for the pen license - awful 🙁

20 years ago, having a pen licence was a source of pride and an incentive to improve a skill.

Now, it's a way to 'shame' children.

A window on the world, perhaps?

You're being disingenuous. They don't give 9 year olds amphetamines for being 'fidgety'.

Wow! Many kids are fidgety and have all sorts of annoying habits. No class has 30 perfect drones sitting there. Maybe some need to learn to be a little more resilient and tolerant or can all parents complain about every annoying habit children have?

A pen license. What is this? What country has a pen license. I'm in Scotland and didn't know you needed one 😮😂