Executor asking for money back

All this. It's hard, it's a lot of responsibility, you're doing it whilst grieving. Mistakes happen.

I think it's pretty clear from what she's posted that the OP isn't in the UK

Without knowing where she is and what the rules are no one say whether the executor has cocked up or theres a genuine reason for thos happening

The posters querying that 10k is a suspiciously round sum, I'm sure thats an indication of the amount, who would type $9874.46? 😀

all debts should be settled before distribution, but tax, other than IHT May be due on the estate. I was the executrix of my mother’s estate and had to complete her self assessment for the tax year she died and pay income tax owed. Additionally any interest which is earned by the estate during the administration period ie from date of death until probate granted is also taxable - (think there is an allowance of £1k) and should be paid before distribution of the estate.
i appreciate OP is not in the UK, but imagine the system for dealing with estates is similar and as a beneficiary I would ask for statement of estate accounts and evidence of debt due as a first step.

If I were your husband I would ask for official paperwork that states all parties are culpable to pay tax on the estate. As I don’t really know much about this I’m not sure where it would come from? Perhaps a solicitor?

I'd want to see proof of this. And if your DH needs to pay 10k so then do the other brothers so 40k?

I'd also want to find out how it works in your country. When I was an executor in the UK we paid tax and everything else before distribution via a solicitor. Did your BIL engage a solicitor?

Agree wholeheartedly with this. Being an executor is a difficult, time consuming and stressful job.

I would want to see some accounts/proof of the bill but wouldn't want to saddle the sibling who'd done all the hard work with paying my share if genuine.

And yes as others have said you need to see a detailed breakdown of the estate.

If the estate owes taxes they need to be paid from the estate.
How much did you inherit?
The executor should have paid the taxes before distributing funds. But I’m assuming executory work is new to him and he’s made a genuine error.
I find it strange the brother got a fee for being executor? How much was that?
I would pay the fees.
Where the bank has told you that YOU do not need to pay taxes, this doesn’t mean that no tax was due to be paid from the estate.

Evidence. Confirmation either way.

As executor you should provide a statement detailing how you have distributed the estate. Being executor is a little complicated and it’s possible he has messed up in which case I would help him rectify that if you can. But he should be happy to show you the details

What your bank told you is irrelevant, it is nothing to do with executing an estate. You've not disclosed where you live, so no one here can advise you regarding tax. It's your husband's inheritance, so his choice how to handle it... but if I were you I would make the point to him that asking for evidence of what tax matters need to be settled will help him to make an informed decision.

OP is not in the UK.

I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency.

I suspect that they were telling you that you personally did not have to pay any tax on the money you received, not that the estate didn't have to pay tax: they presumably assumed that had been paid already. However, as PP have said, it seems very odd that they would have got probate if they didn't pay tax, so you need to ask for full estate accounts and a copy of the tax records.

This completely. If you are happy that the debt/money owed is genuine then paying the 10k would be the right thing to do. Being an executor is stressful and people make mistakes. If all the brothers refused to pay then exec brother could be left having to find 40k. Which isn’t fair when he’s done all the siblings a favour by being exec. You need to reframe it and stop thinking about it as “giving money to the brother” and instead think of it as money/tax owed to the govt.

It would be very immoral to rip a brother off to the extent of not paying regardless of whether legally you could get away with it. The closeness or not of the relationship is irrelevant. And to be honest both you and your son don’t sound very nice, like you’re making excuses for not paying it back. If I was your dh I’d be seeing you in a different light.

If it's owed then your husband pays, that's the only thing to do. It's dishonest to consider otherwise. Some people.

Ask for evidence of the outstanding tax. If you can verify its authenticity, pay what is owed.

According to the Gov.uk website, “You usually need to make a payment towards any Inheritance Tax due before you can get a ‘grant of representation’ (also known as ‘probate’)” - in other words, they won’t release the money until the tax has been paid. The bank has told,you that the money is yours - I’d be asking some very searching questions if your DBIL, and as others have suggested, would demand to see a bill from the Inland Revenue for any sum owing. IF a mistake has been made, by all means rectify it - but I’d want to know how and why.

Just ask for the proof. And keep out of it. Oh and tell your son it's none of his business too, why on earth do you think the opinion of a child means anything in this?

You need an official copy of the paperwork, and a copy of the demand for tax. Then pay one quarter direct. This person may have made an error, executors are not professionals, and given out money not realising that there would be further tax due.

I acted as executor and it’s very difficult job and generally those undertaking the work are usually grieving while they are sorting out the estate.

The brother doing this saves a lot of money on solicitor fees and I think you are being very unreasonable if don’t repay any tax money that is owed. I’d expect to see the documentation from HMRC though.

For those who say all tax is paid before probate is granted you can still owe tax if the deceased owed income tax as you can pay this after probate

I’d want proper evidence of the amount due and I’d only pay it direct to the Inland Revenue. I wouldn’t transfer it back to the third party.

This!!

Yes this.

They need to talk. The executor needs to show transparent paper trail of taxes and costs incurred. And then yes, they should all be split equally if the profits of the sale were also equally split. No one chooses to be an executor. It's a time-consuming, thankless task. He made a mistake. So what? He'd never done the job before, was grieving the death of his mother and needed to find a home. Stress upon stress.

Don't be greedy. Have a heart. Why should he do all the work and pay your portion of tax?

Your dh needs to get a copy of the will and see the debt