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Original poster

Executor asking for money back

163 replies

naffusername · 04/05/2025 03:27

So, MIL died in August of 22. Number three son was named Executor. There are four sons in total.

Will stated family home was to be sold and proceeds divided equally among her surviving sons. Two sons had moved back home 20 years ago and never left.

House was sold in 23 after going through Probate.. Funds were released in December of 23.

No notice, we just found a large chunk of cash in our chequing account. We contacted the lawyer for a statement of account and were given the bare details. Our bank was happy with us and told us that the money was tax free (inheritance law here) and if the funds were released it was ours and nobody should be asking for anything after the fact.

Fast forward to April of 25. The Executor has been in touch and wants $10K to settle "our share of the taxes owing on the Estate". He claims that he released the funds early because he and brother number 4 needed to buy places to live! Husband pointed out that he had received his Executor's fees and then he turned around and said he'd never wanted the job!

Husband wants to give it to his brother as he doesn't want there to be "any bad blood in the family". I reminded him of what the bank told us and have checked on line with our tax agency. Our oldest son basically said his Father is a fool to even consider giving back the money as the funds being released signal the estate is settled.

There are no family ties to break. This was the first we'd heard from any of the brothers since November 23. They never were a close family and had no time for us when we visited and I doubt they would recognize our children. My sons did visit their Grandmother but were aware that there was some memory issues and that the son name as Executor didn't seem to want them there.

So do we pay 10K or write of a relationship that doesn't exist?

OP posts:
TheTester2 · 04/05/2025 20:37

Your DHs family sound very fractured. But, if an error has been made, however badly handled it has been then I think it should be paid back. I know it’s a sickner but if you pay it back you have the moral high ground and they can’t bitch about your family.

milveycrohn · 04/05/2025 19:58

I only have experience of one estate and I was not the executor.
My understanding is that any inheritance tax due has to be paid before probate is granted. The only problem I know of is that a deceased's house could be sold for a higher amount than previously valued, in which case an extra tax sum could be demanded.
Whatever the reason the executor should produce appropriate accounts.

EmmaWoodhouseOfHighbury · 04/05/2025 19:41

I imagine he's just run out of money ...

Sassybooklover · 04/05/2025 19:26

I wouldn't be handing money back, 2 years after the event, based on a phone call. If indeed there's money to be paid, then you need proof of that. Personally, I'd seek legal advice. Your husband's brother needs to provide documentation to prove that money is owed. It sounds harsh, but unfortunately some people, blood relatives or not lie, or are economical with the truth.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 04/05/2025 19:21

Chaseupagain · 04/05/2025 19:06

How Wills are executed are a matter of law.

The people who act as executors have to apply for Probate which allows them to deal with the deceased persons estate. There are rules they have to follow. The Office of Public Guardian are the Government body which sets out the advice and rules they should follow.

He should seek advice from the Office of Public Guardian if he has made an error in dealing with the estate.

Everything needs to be clear, transparent and upfront to all beneficiaries.
What tax is this being demanded ? You cannot wind up an estate without all tax being paid.

I would want to see sight of any demand.

I would not pay out anything. And seek advice.

OP IS NOT IN UK

Lyraloo · 04/05/2025 19:14

PrincessFairyWren · 04/05/2025 05:44

I'm going against the grain.

Executer made a mistake that ended up in your husband and the other beneficiaries favour. Being an executer is a very difficult job, he was under pressure from his other brother and grieving. That doesn't make it OK but it also puts it into context of the difficult position he was having.

I'm assuming the tax bill is for the tax return that was lodged on behalf of the deceased for the year that they died in.

I would ask for the documentation, read it to verify the error and give the money back.

If your employer accidentally over pays you, you are obligated to return the money. If the bank accidentally puts money in your account you are obliged to pay. I think that you just are trying to be a cow to the brother because you don't like him. Plus it is your husband's decision and you are disagreeing with him which isn't fair.

Grow up and stop being so nasty to OP.

  1. It would be weird to have probate granted without outstanding tax being paid
  2. its very odd that this has come to light so long afterwards
  3. All beneficiaries should have been given a statement of account and not simply had a sum of money deposited in their accounts
  4. how is the bill an exact amount of £40,000 how do you know he’s not simply asking for money or if there really is a bill, it’s being split fairly?

Id be asking for a full statement and the tax office reference and copy of the bill before parting with anything.

would you actually be a big fan of a brother that hasn’t bothered with you or your children for over a year!

Chaseupagain · 04/05/2025 19:06

How Wills are executed are a matter of law.

The people who act as executors have to apply for Probate which allows them to deal with the deceased persons estate. There are rules they have to follow. The Office of Public Guardian are the Government body which sets out the advice and rules they should follow.

He should seek advice from the Office of Public Guardian if he has made an error in dealing with the estate.

Everything needs to be clear, transparent and upfront to all beneficiaries.
What tax is this being demanded ? You cannot wind up an estate without all tax being paid.

I would want to see sight of any demand.

I would not pay out anything. And seek advice.

MissMoneyFairy · 04/05/2025 19:05

If brother in law was the executor why did the lawyer need to get involved, I can't think a lawyer would agree to releasing funds before all debts and tax were paid.

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 19:01

MrsClatterbuck · 04/05/2025 18:57

As I understand it IHT has to be paid before probate can be granted. I would want to see all paperwork. Was a solicitor involved. I can't see the probate office granting probate without sighting the paperwork from HMRC. When my DM died a solicitor administered the estate but I was told even though there was
no IHT this had to be confirmed by HMRC before going to the probate office.

there Can also be income tax due and tax on income earned during the administration period.

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 04/05/2025 18:59

MrsClatterbuck · 04/05/2025 18:57

As I understand it IHT has to be paid before probate can be granted. I would want to see all paperwork. Was a solicitor involved. I can't see the probate office granting probate without sighting the paperwork from HMRC. When my DM died a solicitor administered the estate but I was told even though there was
no IHT this had to be confirmed by HMRC before going to the probate office.

OP is not in UK

Diarygirlqueen · 04/05/2025 18:58

From the majority of comments, I got the impression it was to gather evidence and if it proven to be correct, pay the bill.
I'm not sure calling your in-laws strange is relevant or is it to imply they weren't to be trusted with the money?

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 04/05/2025 18:58

7% for being an Executor ! UK is zero, just expenses.
All the more reason for not paying for his alleged mistake.

MrsClatterbuck · 04/05/2025 18:57

As I understand it IHT has to be paid before probate can be granted. I would want to see all paperwork. Was a solicitor involved. I can't see the probate office granting probate without sighting the paperwork from HMRC. When my DM died a solicitor administered the estate but I was told even though there was
no IHT this had to be confirmed by HMRC before going to the probate office.

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 18:51

Notsuchafattynow · 04/05/2025 18:41

I've been an executor, and not one gives you any training or tells you what to do. You've literally got to work it out yourself. I can imagine it's very easy to make a mistake and get it wrong as it's generally a 'once in a lifetime' task. You don't get paid for the time it takes. I took an entire week off work just to read up on what I needed to do.

So yes, verify the request. But if you owe it, do the decent thing and pay it back.

I think whether you take it on yourself or ask a solicitor depends on the complexity of the estate. I was sole executrix for my mother’s estate which was quite straightforward, if fiddly and time consuming, and I found gov.uk explained everything.

Theroadt · 04/05/2025 18:49

naffusername · 04/05/2025 18:39

Well, it was lovely to wake up this morning and be told I'm a greedy bitch.

A few points for the experts here.

I reside in a commonwealth country so our legal system is pretty similar to the UKs.

We live over 1500 miles from where we grew up and that is why my husband (the oldest child) wasn't named Executor. Under our system, the Executor is entitled to upto 7% of the Estate as payment for his services (roughly $175K in this case). When the Estate went into probate the law firm asked for banking details.

The person at our bank isn't a teller but a Certified Financial Analyst (we have been lucky through hardwork to have qualified for this service due to a rental/investment property I purchased).

This was the first time the Executor has spoken to us since Oct of 23. No how are you's just you owe me $10K for taxes.

My husband's people are strange. The three brothers who live close to each other don't even communicate now. There was some sort of falling out between the two singles and the married one that nobody has been willing to discuss. The two singles lived with their Mum until she died (they were both in their 60s). My husband paid for his Mum's social care and a companion to be her driver as his brothers were too busy to deal with it. He visited his Mum three times a year and knew there was something off. The married brother and his wife never visited the house which was strange because when we first married she was the one taking the elders to their appointments, stopping by for coffee, etc.

But hey, it's lovely to know that most posters here would just hand over $10K on the basis of a phone call.

I've said for years that I will never be the Executor of my Mum's will, I'll sign that privilige over to an Estate lawyer to deal with and be happy to pay his fee.

Most of the posts in response to yours have been supportive. Ask for paperwork, but if it’s properly owed then it must be paid. If not owed, or no paperwork, then don’t. It’s not a really complicated question tbh. I have some sympathy for the executor but you can always pay a firm to do that job for you so if he took it on, hd should look at it as payment for all that time in thd house.

ShanghaiDiva · 04/05/2025 18:46

@naffusername
I think most posters were of the opinion that evidence should be provided re this £10k. You have my sympathies as this is a very upsetting situation.
as you say the legal system is similar then accounts would have been prepared by the executor and these should be provided together with any documentation re the money now owed.

TizerorFizz · 04/05/2025 18:45

@Notsuchafattynow I just paid a solicitor. They explain everything. It’s not meant to be a replacement job and the estate pays. Money well spent. At least the executor keeps to the rules and doesn’t make “mistakes” or is on the make!

outerspacepotato · 04/05/2025 18:42

The executor should have records of all monies paid, including taxes. I would ask for copies of those.

Notsuchafattynow · 04/05/2025 18:41

I've been an executor, and not one gives you any training or tells you what to do. You've literally got to work it out yourself. I can imagine it's very easy to make a mistake and get it wrong as it's generally a 'once in a lifetime' task. You don't get paid for the time it takes. I took an entire week off work just to read up on what I needed to do.

So yes, verify the request. But if you owe it, do the decent thing and pay it back.

Hankunamatata · 04/05/2025 18:40

Id want to see the tax bill

Original poster
naffusername · 04/05/2025 18:39

Well, it was lovely to wake up this morning and be told I'm a greedy bitch.

A few points for the experts here.

I reside in a commonwealth country so our legal system is pretty similar to the UKs.

We live over 1500 miles from where we grew up and that is why my husband (the oldest child) wasn't named Executor. Under our system, the Executor is entitled to upto 7% of the Estate as payment for his services (roughly $175K in this case). When the Estate went into probate the law firm asked for banking details.

The person at our bank isn't a teller but a Certified Financial Analyst (we have been lucky through hardwork to have qualified for this service due to a rental/investment property I purchased).

This was the first time the Executor has spoken to us since Oct of 23. No how are you's just you owe me $10K for taxes.

My husband's people are strange. The three brothers who live close to each other don't even communicate now. There was some sort of falling out between the two singles and the married one that nobody has been willing to discuss. The two singles lived with their Mum until she died (they were both in their 60s). My husband paid for his Mum's social care and a companion to be her driver as his brothers were too busy to deal with it. He visited his Mum three times a year and knew there was something off. The married brother and his wife never visited the house which was strange because when we first married she was the one taking the elders to their appointments, stopping by for coffee, etc.

But hey, it's lovely to know that most posters here would just hand over $10K on the basis of a phone call.

I've said for years that I will never be the Executor of my Mum's will, I'll sign that privilige over to an Estate lawyer to deal with and be happy to pay his fee.

OP posts:
Lollipop81 · 04/05/2025 18:39

Annoying as it may be, as long as proof is shown I would be paying it back. It’s family whether you see each other or not. You are being unreasonable here.

hcee19 · 04/05/2025 18:35

All outstanding bills, credit cards, utility bills taxes etc should have been paid off by the executor before the rest was paid out to anyone else listed in the will. I know this because l have just done it myself. I would seriously ask to see proof of the bill , something very odd going on....

Funkyblues101 · 04/05/2025 18:33

I understand the argument that it's for her husband to decide, but ALSO, once the money has been received, which it has, as a married couple the money is now theirs, so it actually does have a lot to do with the OP as well. Before probate is settled, it's all done between the brothers, but once the money has been distributed, it becomes the business of all those whose money it now is.
And I'd want to know exactly why the money is owed before deciding whether to hand any back.

Platypuslover · 04/05/2025 18:16

Proof of taxes due or no money. Simple case of proof or it didn’t happen.