Sharing friends.

All I can think reading this thread, is, how did your husband experience this woman growing up?

It feels reminiscent of highly narcissistic individuals within the family system I grew up in.

You don't get through parents like this unscathed. It causes alot of damage. I'm also wondering if your husband has a sister who potentially faired significantly worse at the hands of mama than he did? 🤷

She's trying to Wendy you op! I have got a friend who does this.

It’s really odd to thank someone for a favour they have done someone else (unless a young child); or thank someone for visiting someone else’s house .
I think I would message her as you suggest, saying there’s no need for you to pass the letter on as you’ve already thanked appropriately. I would be SO tempted to open it though and see what she said in it.

She is trying to ride roughshod over you. Very undermining of her. Just tell her ‘we have already thanked our friends so no need for you to’. I would also say in passing to your new friends that you mil can be tricky- don’t recount long stories about her, just say she has form or something along those lines.

I’d just say they’ve thanked us for having them and we responded in kind so I’ve not passed on your weird letter.

And leave it there. Otherwise next time she comes she’ll ask you to take her round to theirs so she can put it through the letterbox and then she’ll end up knocking on the door.

It's strange

I wouldn't pass it on but I would have said so straightaway and said there was no need for it.
Closed it down.
Your friends don't need a thank you from your mil

Your friends will think it’s weird but this kind of behaviour is familiar territory for me. Has she ever caused issues before, maybe at family occasions or life events? I don’t think you should pass the gift on but you should also tell her why.

Just read your update - I think you need to keep MIL away from your friends - it does sound like a way to get them to engage with her. Before you know it she will be telling them when she’s visiting and putting herself in the middle of events. You don’t want to end up a situation where your friends feel they need to invite her to things out of politeness.
the normal way to thank friends of friends/ family who have done a favour that you’ve benefitted from is to pass on a bottle of wine/ small gift etc or contribute to another thank you gesture from all not force a conversation with someone you have no relationship with surely?

That's weird. I'd open it and read it. Then report back here 😂

If she’s calculating she will have done this so that your friends will feel obligated to text her thanks therefore giving her a way into a conversation with them.

I think your response is good but I would take out the overwhelmed wording as might argue the point. Just say you’ll give it next time you see them but don’t discuss when that will be.

Clearly MIL is a bit strange and struggles socially. I wouldn't project onto this the feelings that would lead you to do the same, it might not be vindictive or manipulative, she's maybe just useless with social conventions.

I would pass it on but also let them know that MIL can be a bit odd, that she clearly doesn't trust you to thank your own guests,.with a laugh

There's no risk of sharing friends, but everyone can stay polite.

The correct way of dealing with this presumption is to keep the letter and package until your MiL next visits and hand it over to her, possibly saying you were not going to do as she requested, without making excuses :
or return it, ‘not known at this address’ and really mess with her head.
Muscling in on your friends, neighbours, acquaintances is so ill mannered.

I’d do this.

Also, your friends have probably already figured out she’s a bit strange if she’s given them her phone number when she’s only just met them and hasn’t even had much of a conversation with them. I’d certainly find it odd.

i wouldnt pass on the letter and also give a vague reply when she asks. It’s okay for you and DH to keep family and friends separate. You know for next time not to invite friends round whilst she is visiting or to talk about upcoming social events in front of her.

You’re overreacting. They met once, she lives six hours away, she didn’t talk to them, gave them her number unasked and now she’s written them a letter ‘to thank them for visiting’, even though they weren’t visiting her house — why in your head has this become ‘MIL might become friends with our friends’?

Surely their response to a letter thanking them for visiting, from a largely mute stranger they met once, is more likely to be ‘Weird’ and no further thought?

That is rather odd. I mean it's not if they were all getting on so well and it was mutually decided to swap numbers. But I just can't imagine why she's so desperate to be friends with people who presumably don't know her at all?!

I'd say you could make a joke to your new friends about it and apologise for the pushing of the phone number. The card I think I'd maybe give them it next time I saw them, but again probably in a jokey manner. There's a slim chance they might think she's fantastic and they are already planning on meeting up I guess. Unlikely I'd say.