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Original poster

Would it be unreasonable to go on a break with friend on my child's birthday?

42 replies

Mouth · 03/05/2025 22:15

Been invited by a friend on a 4-day yoga break that sounds wonderful and is just a yearly occurrence. It sounds perfect and I'd love to go but my child turns 15 during the 4 days. I've never been away on any of my children's birthdays and don't really like the idea of it and I'd feel guilty (plus I guess there will be other similar things out there on other dates) so I probably won't go but I'm a bit tempted. I wonder what people think - would it be being unreasonable to go?

OP posts:
babyolivebean · 03/05/2025 22:36

Yea my parents went away on my actual birthday quite a few times, off the top of my head my 14th, 16th and 18th stand out, and I was lumped with staying at my brothers or friends houses. It was utterly shit for me. They even went away the day I started my GCSE’s for 2 weeks.

Obviously you know your own child, how they would feel etc, but I don’t think it’s something I would ever do.

GrandTheftWalrus · 03/05/2025 22:35

Well I missed my child's 8th birthday last year as I was abroad with her dad which funnily enough was my birthday present from my parents. I got her lots of presents before we went away and my parents threw her a wee party she loved it. Video calls etc back and forth.

Missj25 · 03/05/2025 22:35

Hey OP ..
I wouldn’t go , no ..
Infact , one of my daughters turns 18 in August, & one of my other daughters is 23 , & a few weeks back she said , is it ok if I don’t go to Rs birthday, we were going to go to the races that weekend ( her & her bf) .... It would be a weekend away …
Daughter whose birthday it is , was quite offended that her sister wants to go away for weekend her birthday is on & they’re sisters 🤷🏻‍♀️

saraclara · 03/05/2025 22:33

You'd be basically saying that the day that you gave birth to him isn't important.

I'm not one of those people who finds dates important. I'm not one for anniversaries or anything. But choosing to miss your early teen's birthday? Nope, that sends an awful message.

Darkambergingerlily · 03/05/2025 22:30

I would have been gutted at 15. So no I don’t think it’s a great idea

TheThreeMiracles · 03/05/2025 22:29

No I definitely wouldn’t go, birthdays especially your children’s are special ! Yoga holiday can be booked for any time

Original poster
Mouth · 03/05/2025 22:28

Thanks - yes, I think my instincts are right but it's good to get others' views. It wouldn't really be reasonable and there will be opportunities to do this kind of thing in future. My relationship with my child is close, I've never missed a birthday and I think they would remember it, I usually make a cake etc I suppose once they are 20...

OP posts:
DappledThings · 03/05/2025 22:27

Totally depends on your child. By 15 I already firmly hated my birthday and wished it didn't happen so my mum being away and not having to celebrate it would have been great. But that's quite extreme.

Lots of 15 year olds would be really hurt, lots would be a bit hurt but understand, some won't give a fuck. None of us know which your child is. But there's no general rule you have to follow.

financialmuddle · 03/05/2025 22:27

Well, how do you think it would make your child feel?

MissAndrey · 03/05/2025 22:26

Wtf? No, don't do this.

UpJacksArseAndRoundTheCorner · 03/05/2025 22:25

I really wouldn't do it at that age, even though I imagine my DC would've pretended to be 'cool' about it.

I think deep down they'd be hurt.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 03/05/2025 22:24

I wouldn't, personally. Your child is nearly an adult and you will have the freedom to do whatever you like in just a few years. But right now, I would make them the priority.

@VickyEadieofThigh, I'm so sorry, that's rubbish. I had one birthday without my mum as a child. It wasn't her fault but I still felt really sad about it. Forgetting a child's birthday is awful.

nutbrownhare15 · 03/05/2025 22:23

Not at that age, no. Now I'm in my 40s I don't need to see my mum on my birthday. I would have done when 15 though.

Apksbdv · 03/05/2025 22:23

I wouldn’t do it and I think your child would be hurt and remember it

Zanatdy · 03/05/2025 22:22

Personally no, I wouldn’t be away for any of my dc’s birthdays.

Foolsgold74 · 03/05/2025 22:22

Yes, it would be entirely unreasonable. It's the kind of thing a child would remember forever and they'd carry with them the knowledge that they weren't even a priority in their own mother's life.

VickyEadieofThigh · 03/05/2025 22:20

We don't know what your child is like or your relationship with your child. Or what relationship you'd like to have with your child in future.

What I will tell you is that my mother forgot my 10th birthday. Clean forgot the date she'd given birth - at home - to a 9lb 12oz baby. Can you tell I've never quite got over that? I'm 67 next month and my mum has been dead for almost 8 years.