Would it be unreasonable to go on a break with friend on my child's birthday?

my dad worked away when i was a child, i couldnt tell you which birthdays (and Christmas) he was at home for and which ones he missed

Yes YABU and she will remember.

My kids wouldn’t have minded at all. They would have been pleased I was doing something I was going to enjoy.

Aww I'm sorry to hear that. Was she stressed at the time? I've found stress and being perimenopausal have completely destroyed my memory. Quite often I get the day of the week wrong 😳

I've done it twice. Children didn't give a shit 🤷‍♀️

I wouldn't do it, my daughters bday is v special to me. But I know others who do.

My daughter would be fine with this - we would celebrate her birthday on another day. I promise you I love her very much and we have an excellent relationship! I guess it depends on your child's personality, the amount of weight you put on birthday celebrations occurring on the day itself, in your family.

I wouldn't do it.

I couldn't do it

My husband was away for work on my son’s birthday last year. Couldn’t be helped but he was really sad about it and still mentions it now (he’s about to turn 9 though so different to a teenager). It might be one of the last birthdays they’re in your house though so I’d personally be sad to miss it.

Just to post a different opinion, I think potentially you could. I don’t think I would have minded at 15. Maybe just ask her if she would mind and take it from there?

No. They'd be really upset I'd say.

My eldest DC was away on a school residential for their 13th birthday last year, they arrived back at 23.35 so we saw them for 25mins of that birthday. This year my favourite band is playing 2 nights on their birthday and the day before, venue is 100+ miles away so I would normally stay overnight, when I mentioned this to them they were adamant I should not be away on their birthday (even though I'd be back by lunchtime on the day). So from my child it would be a no.

I would’ve been ok with it as long as I was lavished with gifts beforehand… and a few thrown in after lol

Wouldn’t even consider it…

Why would you do that? A guy I dated had his mum always go and do her own thing on special occasions like his birthday and Mother’s Day and even in his 30’s it made him feel small and worthless, like he wasn’t good enough for his mum to see him on those few occasions a year. So putting it in the context of a child - don’t do that to them.

Why can’t you do other dates? It’s not like you share a birthday or it’s your friends birthday or anything - this is about your child.

One day a year is for your child, you have 364 days to choose a different day.

If there are other dates that you could go then I wouldn’t even consider going away over your child’s birthday.

Your child had a birthday once each year. Yoga breaks, anytime.

I wouldn’t need to ask.

I wouldn’t hence YABU - but I really wouldn’t judge you badly if you did!

Ooo when I was 15 I would have relished my mum going away for 4 days around my birthday… would’ve thrown a legendary rager.

Really I don’t think you should, but it depends on your DD. If it was me and it was a thing my mum had always wanted to do (for her it’s the Northern Lights) I wouldn’t have cared, I’d have been happy for her. If it’s a weekend at Butlins… not so much.

My ex did that - and left DD with his girlfriend (he didn't tell me at all, I only found out on her return).

DD decided at that point he was actually as much of a dickhead as she'd begun to suspect. The girlfriend wasn't impressed with him, either, once she found out it was her birthday and desperately tried to make it special for her, but they split up a short time later.

I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, your family dynamics may be far healthier and she may actually be fine with the idea (or lie to save your feelings about it), but I personally wouldn't.

Ideally I think their birthdays are a bit like the Disney hug - don't be the one to pull away first, if you can help it.

However if her dad is around, and is an equal parent, it might be ok. I had birthdays without parents from age 11 but that was normal in boarding school.

At 14 (almost 15) I'd have been able to have this conversation with any of my dc. I'm fairly confident all of them would be happy about it. they are all able to understand that quite often things happen on particular dates and there is nothing we can do about that date - be that something they are doing or something one of their parents are doing. They absolutely "got" the advantages of any celebrations being on a convenient date rather than a particular day on the calendar.

As a rule, we have always celebrated birthdays on the nearest weekend so any one of us not being there on the actual date wouldn't matter at all.
Plus, I presume her Dad will still be there ?

I was slightly annoyed when my parents went away on my birthday when I was an adult. Unreasonable I know, and I never voiced it. If they did it when I was 15 though I'd have been very upset and would have thought they didn't care about me.
I have teens myself, not a chance I would go away on their birthday. I will always try and take annual leave. That wasn't possible 1 year and I felt guilty that I had to work.