Page 18 | Is this weird parenting?

reluctantbrit · 03/05/2025 16:40

DD was 11.5 when she got her first period. I would hardly call this "transition to womanhood". She had two friends in Y6 who had their periods.

Centuries ago mensturation was seen as the event a girl became a woman, girls started their periods quite a lot later, between 14-15, and it was seen as the event to marry them off if the parents wanted to gain something from a marriage. Hardly compareable to today.

DD would have been utterly embarrassed for me to have made a fuss about it, she did appreciate the chocolates though.

Creu · 03/05/2025 16:38

Really fucking weird.

fuckislessoffensivethanpardon · 03/05/2025 16:35

Grim

comeondover · 03/05/2025 16:34

I think it's a thoughtful gesture. Whether it's weird depends on how you give it. Sure, you can make it weird, but, you know, don't do that. You know your DD.

Teaandtoastserveddaily · 03/05/2025 16:30

This would be a lovely gesture IMHO. As long as its accompanied by chocolate 🍫

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 03/05/2025 16:28

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:24

Only on MN could a nice and well meant gesture be turned into something ‘weird’ !!

just because something is "well meant" doesn't make it non-weird.
We have enough examples of "carefully chosen gifts" which are utter tat 😂

Periods are not a big deal for everyone for a start, some are still little girls and very young teens when theirs start. I absolutely cannot associate "womanhood" with a primary school girl, it's just not right. It's also dangerous if periods = women. Again, children have their periods! (some have)

On a personal note, sometimes you start to have period pains etc, periods are massively inconvenient, and not something to celebrate.

Original poster

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 16:28

CautiousLurker01 · 03/05/2025 16:16

If I had a teenager whose menses had not commenced yet, I’d be less concerned about weird rituals like jewellery and speaking to my GP to request blood tests to check her general health.

98% of girls start by the age of 15. This is the point at which to go to the GP. But 2% of girls - so two or three in every secondary school year group - are later. If you do intense sport, particularly things like dance and gymnastics, you are likely to have a delayed menarche.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2025 16:27

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 03/05/2025 15:36

I have one dd who is a young teenager and who hasn’t yet hit puberty. I have been thinking that when she starts her period, I might buy her a small piece of jewellery to give her, to mark her transition to womanhood. And take her mind off the fact that she’ll have hormonal shit going on for the next forty years or so.

something like this: https://www.johnlewis.com/auree-hampton-gold-vermeil-pendant-necklace/gold-ruby/p111668104

Am I being weird? Or is this a nice thing to do?

I know someone who let their DDs have their ears pierced at that stage in their lives

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 03/05/2025 16:25

Nannyfannybanny · 03/05/2025 16:20

Some cultures ban woman who are menstruating from the house, they are banned from making meals and have to live off site.

I should have joined that culture the day I got married and had children, sounds blissful

JoyousEagle · 03/05/2025 16:24

I think it makes it into a bigger deal than it needs to be. I think if I’d been presented with jewellery I’d have thought, “oh shit, this must be really significant” and I think it would have probably made me a feel a bit overwhelmed about any kind of “you’re a woman now” sort of thing,

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 03/05/2025 16:24

to mark her transition to womanhood

since you asked
I find this so awfully cringey

I would have thought my mum had gone nuts if she had given me jewellery.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 03/05/2025 16:24

Only on MN could a nice and well meant gesture be turned into something ‘weird’ !!

Bubblebubblepoppop · 03/05/2025 16:24

RaraRachael · 03/05/2025 16:05

About 2 years before I finally started mine at 13, my mother put a packet of sanitary towels and a belt - yes I'm that old - into my bottom drawer and said "That's for when you need them". No explanation whatsoever. I'd no idea what they were or their purpose 🙄

Show quote history

A belt? Sorry I'm lost... Why?

Onelifeonly · 03/05/2025 16:23

RaraRachael · 03/05/2025 16:05

About 2 years before I finally started mine at 13, my mother put a packet of sanitary towels and a belt - yes I'm that old - into my bottom drawer and said "That's for when you need them". No explanation whatsoever. I'd no idea what they were or their purpose 🙄

Show quote history

My mum gave me that sort too - but on the day my period started. She showed me how to put them on myself (cringe) and I felt humiliated by the whole event. The belt / hook up thing was horrendous but it took me a few years to dare to use a tampon! I seem to recall they weren't considered ok for younger teens?

I had no idea how long periods lasted for and got caught out thinking it had stopped when it hadn't and being out with my family without any pads and having to ask my mum, who told me to use toilet paper. God, it's so memorable 50 years later!

A present would have embarrassed me even more since it would have been broadcasting my status to my younger siblings and my father.

Happily, my own daughters don't seem to find bodily functions of any kind embarrassing to discuss with me! But I never thought of buying them a present, other than sanitary pads.

godmum56 · 03/05/2025 16:21

it used to be a thing in the Laslie Kenton era....... special spaces at fairs and festivals hung with red flags for menstruating women...... I don't think it ever took off in the real world.

Butchyrestingface · 03/05/2025 16:21

I found starting my period enough of a reward in itself. Because I was three months shy of my 14th birthday and beginning to get a bit concerned.

godmum56 · 03/05/2025 16:20

CrownCoats · 03/05/2025 15:46

I think it’s nice. I’ve been reading The Anxious Generation and one of the interesting points that it makes is that in western culture we’ve lost all of the traditional markers of reaching milestone moments for our kids. More traditional cultures still do this so children know and are treated differently when they hit these milestones. For instance, Amazonian tribes take their boys away from the home for a ceremony for a few days, which might involve competiting a physical challenge, and when they return they are a man.

I’m sure I’m not explaining it well, but I think it’s a great idea OP.

yeah look into what those Amazonian tribes and others do (or at least did) to those boys........

Nannyfannybanny · 03/05/2025 16:20

Some cultures ban woman who are menstruating from the house, they are banned from making meals and have to live off site.

TumbledTussocks · 03/05/2025 16:18

i think celebrating transitions is beautiful. Go for it. She needn’t call it her period necklace ffs

Calmdownpeople · 03/05/2025 16:17

Sorry but I think it’s a bit fucked up.

Who wants to remember getting their period? Who wants to then hang the reminder around their neck in the colour of menstrual blood every day.

Sorry again. Fucked up.

CautiousLurker01 · 03/05/2025 16:16

If I had a teenager whose menses had not commenced yet, I’d be less concerned about weird rituals like jewellery and speaking to my GP to request blood tests to check her general health.

mummymeister · 03/05/2025 16:15

we spent some time talking to our girls about how different cultures mark puberty and read some books about it. thats as far as I think you need to go, just say that other cultures mark this as a transition into womanhood.

GeorgianaM · 03/05/2025 16:15

Other teenagers - Love your new necklace!

Your daughter - My mother bought it for me because she thinks that now I've started my periods, I'm a woman.

Other teenagers - ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

Get a grip and just supply her with sanitary towels etc.

neilyoungismyhero · 03/05/2025 16:13

RaraRachael · 03/05/2025 16:05

About 2 years before I finally started mine at 13, my mother put a packet of sanitary towels and a belt - yes I'm that old - into my bottom drawer and said "That's for when you need them". No explanation whatsoever. I'd no idea what they were or their purpose 🙄

Show quote history

Dear God > remember the hammock thingies?

Catsandcannedbeans · 03/05/2025 16:12

I would find a period momento a bit mortifying at that age, but looking back after my first period my mum did take me out for food and a “treat day” for being brave. My brothers were so mad I got to go to Franky and Bennies and they didn’t, at the time that was very upmarket to us.

I wouldn’t say get her the jewellery and give it her on her first period, but after you could take her somewhere and let her pick out a nice treat.