Partner going to London

She's not rather rude.

But the fact you find this rather rude explains why your partner doesn't share things with you that other people would find perfectly reasonable.

It's not up to you to tell him what to do regarding his relationship . He's a grown up and can make his own decisions, he doesn't need or want your input You're Tring to control him.

You either need to find a way to trust him or end it.

That's good to hear. Maybe it's worth a chat about joint calendar, how you'll all time manage in late pregnancy and once baby arrives. Once you start to get a clearer idea of how this will work in practice, you might feel more settled because you can plan around it. Best of luck with your new baby!

Everything about this is ridiculous.
His wife died 6 years ago and you are together six years.
You have a complicated relationship and 8 children between you and decided to have a 9th despite not living together and having a complicated relationship.

Him meeting his ex wife is the least of your problems.

It's inevitable there will be problems in a relationship like this.

You're being ridiculous.

You cannot come on AIBU, ask questions, then be rude to people who may disagree with you!

You sound hard work if I am honest and I feel for the poor child being brought into this.

Nine kids is fucking ridiculous. Honestly, what on earth makes you think this is a good idea?

You are getting peculiar replies, @Eliza8809. It's AIBU on a weekend, I guess!

Yes, his pattern of concealing visits to ex-wives is a little strange. I'd be curious about the background to this: has a previous partner flipped her lid when he interacted with an ex?

More seriously, does this pattern extend to other things? I'd be concerned about a partner who chose not to tell me stuff he decided "might upset me".

On the specific issue of seeing an ex, it sounds unlikely to be an ongoing problem given one is dead and the other's estranged. The wider concern, however, might indicate a mismatch in communication styles and/or conflict handling. I'm glad your personal situation's stable and secure: you're buffered against a relationship failure but, naturally, it would be better to explore whether the pair of you could improve communications.

If it was his daughter's sporting event then surely it could be likely his ex would be there? If he's travelled four hours for it, it must be a big deal so it would make sense she'd want to also be there.

Its not like it's in some tiny village with one village pub with rooms as the only accomodation. London is a big place so I'm sure they went in their separate directions afterwards.

They interacted briefly and you don't believe anything untoward happened. So I'd say it wouldn't bother me personally.

Especially knowing they've not spoken for more than a decade and don't get on. I'd be more concerned they might have had a row and embarrassed the daughter or something.

Your posts give the impression you don't trust him. If you don't live together, daily details tend not to get discussed so much. There's nothing you've said here that makes me think you have any reason to be upset, and there's a difference between not telling you something relatively unimportant and being secretive. It does sound rather as though he didn't tell you about visiting his sick ex (which is a lovely thing to do) because he thought you would be funny about it.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but this is how it reads.

Most of your responses are rather negative and combative. Maybe that's the reason he keeps quiet about certain things.

Sometimes it's easier not to poke the bear.

With 9 kids you are going to have constant friction, no matter what.

This. Utter madness.
I Can’t imagine why he would want a baby after having all older kids and 5 of them! And why you would want to do this given there are so many already, you don’t trust him and live apart.
what a mess this new baby will be raised in.

I think you're being oversensitive 🙂 Nothing to worry about. He went to London in a huff after an argument and didn't fancy telling you.

Is he quite old OP? I only ask because my OH is old and we are also expecting a baby 😄

Congratulations on this pregnancy, I hope this one goes well for you xx

I think possibly visiting the ex-wife who was very ill, and has subsequently died😢. Wasn't so much secrecy as not really wanting to talk about it at the time and it sounds like your relationship was quite new at that time.??!

He could have mentioned going to London to support his daughter, but you weren't talking & he was probably just a bit grumpy, I'm not sure if he knew his ex-wife would be there before he went or not?? But given you had already said he should talk to her he probably didn't see it as a big deal either way. It's not too clear from your post, but I don't think he arranged to go out for dinner with her or go to her house before he went and deliberately didn't tell you.??

If I were you, I would try not to worry about any of all of that, just focus on looking after yourself and enjoying being pregnant.

how are you kids feeling about you being pregnant?

So you knew he was going to the event. It sounds like a big event so highly likely that ex would be too. He didn't go to London to see ex, ex just happened to be where he was. He saw her and interacted. It's an absolutely nothing event. It wasn't secrecy. He just didn't tell you about one interaction with someone he once knew.

You don't appear to have read the OP posts.

She doesn't have a problem with the exes. She has a problem with him being secretive about it..

I really think you're being oversensitive. He didn't go to meet up with his ex, he went to support his daughter. His ex just happened to be there too. If you'd had a row, that's the reason he didn't talk to you about it.