Someone please tell me if I’m being dramatic and unfair to end things over this?

I don't mention my private life at work. I'd imagine many colleagues do not know I am married or have children. There is nothing sinister to it. I am just a private person.

Just leaving this educational videos here for you to watch as this might be your DP.

If you're confident he isn't cheating I wouldn't break up a family for that. You say he's a bit on the spectrum, that isn't a thing, but if he is autistic or has social anxiety he may struggle with how to drop it in a conversation that he has a partner and child. Seems so simple to NT people but it isn't that simple for autistic people.

It's very, very suspicious. Could he be having a gay fling?

One of my gay friends almost bought a flat together with a man (who he thought was his BF) but then suddenly discovered when his wife phoned him that he was married with 3 school age children! They'd been together for 3 years and it later turned out he'd been married for 10. His wife had been expecting another women and was equally as destroyed. He told my friend he worked on a cruise ship, but that also turned out to be a complete lie.

There must be reason why he is keeping you and your DD totally secret. Most men playing around use the 'We are separated and my wife doesn't like sex' variation on a theme. I wonder why he's erased you & your daughter completely?

Going against the grain here, but I agree with you. Not everyone has to be like each other and just not mentioning your family in small talk to work colleagues in the bigger scheme of things of what he could be doing just seems needless picking. OP should focus on the good traits that he does have. This seems more an issue for OP to work on and just accept that just because she or many other people would do it, doesn’t mean her partner should be forced into it. Not every aspect of a relationship can be perfectly aligned to both preferences.

It sounds like he's just the sort of person who keeps himself to himself at work and doesn't do small talk with colleagues? I've worked in offices with people (men) who don't talk about their personal lives and I've had no idea if they're married or in a relationship or have children. Is he just one of those people who keeps his work life separate from his home life? I wouldn't think this is something to break up a marriage over.

I think it’s fine to keep work life and personal life separate 🤷‍♀️ what’s the big deal? He obviously cares and values you, he probably doesn’t want to associate you with boring work, it’s easier to keep happy things at home and deal with stressful things at work. I think it’s probably quite healthy. Remember when you were a kid and went to school, you didn’t start talking about your family relationships with people, it would be weird, you just get on with the work in front of you.

Tbh I think it depends whether he’s usually very open and this is the only thing he doesn’t talk about. My husband is very cautious about what he mentions at work. Didn’t mention I was preggo until very late on (still only told the boss!). He has never mentioned the building work we had done and then moved his home office (hybrid working) but blurred his background so no one could see his new view. It’s just how he is. Professional really.

I am not the sort of person to be controlling or care about social media etc

Yet I'm willing to break up over him not changing how whatsapp picture.

Offering ultimatums is toxic. YABU to phrase it this way. Change your photo and tell people about us or we're done.

VS

I don't think you value this relationship or are showing me and our child commitment. I won't be in a relationship where I'm hidden and no one knows we exist.

You're not offering an ultimatum but the message is clear. Do it right, not toxic.

I suspect his motive may be that he wants to be seen as single and available to other women. Maybe he's had a few affairs in the past?

I'd get rid. I wouldn't want to be with someone like that.

Things between you were bad enough that you were thinking of ending your marriage. He took a job that meant he'd be away from Monday to Friday, and your relationship improved no end. This will be because during the week he is living as a single man, coming back at the weekends to a nice clean bed and a welcoming wife. It often happens that when someone is unhappy with their primary partner and they begin an affair, they really cheer up and become much easier to live with.

I would hate this too, like he was ashamed of us or wanted to keep us a secret or to "keep his options open" or maybe both.

Having said that I think it would be weird for him to make a grand announcement or feel forced to change his profile pic. I'm very proud of my children but they've never been in my profile pics as these are publicly visible. I think the most you can ask is that he does mention you, as appropriate, when it crops up in conversation with colleagues. You won't know though if he actually does or doesn't.

I had a boyfriend at uni who was a bit like this. If we saw someone he knew when we were out he would chat to them but not introduce me even if I could see the person glancing at me wondering if we were "together". Sometimes he'd sort of stand in front of me as if trying to ignore i was there. I was very shy in those days (now I would just say a cheery hello and introduce myself) but I did ask him why he did it and he would get huffy and say "why should I?" It didn't last long unsurprisingly. I hated how it made me feel so I can relate. It must hurt even more that he does this regarding your joint child as well!

I feel upset he won’t now change his profile picture

You'd break up a family over this?

Does he think that people will judge him for being away all week when they know that he has a partner and child? Not saying that they should, but that is the only other reason I can think for not doing it?
Personally I think the WhatsApp picture route is much easier than dropping in a child in a conversation after a year. That way the people who care will notice and think Oh! but then going forward it will be easier to mention her again in conversations. And those who don't care will continue not to do so and it is no big deal either way.

In 12 entire months he hasn’t had a conversation opportunity at work to mention you or his own daughter?
Nobody’s asked him “up to anything nice at the weekend?” at work?
Very suspicious especially as he works away the whole week.
I can almost understand him not mentioning you at his new job if your relationship was unstable but not mentioning his daughter? Worrying x

How did you find out he hadn't told anyone?

If you don't think he's cheating and trust him then I think you're making it a bigger deal than it needs to be tbh.

I'd end it over this. One of the many things I love about my partner is that mentions me, introduces me to people in his life, wants me in his family. He keeps friends, family and colleagues up to date on what's going on with me. It makes me feel deeply cared for. We've been through awful rocky times too.

I'd be heartbroken if I had a baby and my partner didn't acknowledge them to their colleagues.

Sounds like he's keeping his options open . Sorry OP x

I think you’re both in the wrong tbh.

Firstly, in response to your title: you don’t need a significant reason to break up with him. You can break up for any reason. It doesn’t have to be valid to others. Ultimately it sounds like your relationship has been on the rocks for ages, so what more reason do you need?

secondly I don’t really understand why you want him to tell his colleagues he’s with you so badly, because this isn’t really the thing that needs any announcement let alone an urgent one. I have never had a conversation with a colleague where they are like “btw I wanted to let you know I’m married with kids”. I would find that weird, as if they’re suggesting I’m intimately interested in them when in reality I couldn’t care less!

Do you work? In many workplaces people put their heads down and maintain a level of privacy about their lives. Sometimes this is a valid thing to do to protect yourself especially in toxic environments. So his decision not to tell his colleagues before isn’t actually a shady thing or a slight on you.

But with that being said, if you’re not happy you should break up, the whole thing sounds exhausting.

There are loads of people I work with, on a daily basis .. I have no clue if they are married or have children.

I would never ask (to intrusive)and unless it comes up in general conversation (unlikely)why would they mention it?