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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

507 replies

Seventell · 03/05/2025 08:35

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time.

Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy.

My female boss in italy was so nice.

The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area.

She looked up art classes for me to go to.
She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind.

Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation.
My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold.
Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in

Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

OP posts:
Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 03/05/2025 09:02

SapporoBaby · 03/05/2025 08:59

I also think it’s a bit fucked up to call strangers emotionally stunted and damaged’ because they’re not looking up art classes for their employee or inviting you over for dinner.

Yep ! How rude of you

Auroraloves · 03/05/2025 09:02

i think YABU. I work in a team of 15, (stressful job) the team are very supportive and friendly. Likewise, any groups, people I meet through social situations are the same.

I live north east England, where are you?

TheWiseGoose · 03/05/2025 09:00

I'm foreign and this is not my experience at all. I do live in the north. Most of my colleagues are quite friendly and chatty, some are the funniest people I've known in my life. I do agree that with English there's a separation between work and personal life unlike my experience working in America where you'd get invited to have dinner at their home quite soon after you just know each other. With British colleagues I do hang out but at work night outs mostly unless you're really friends.

SapporoBaby · 03/05/2025 08:59

I also think it’s a bit fucked up to call strangers emotionally stunted and damaged’ because they’re not looking up art classes for their employee or inviting you over for dinner.

SapporoBaby · 03/05/2025 08:57

We’re not… your boss and colleagues are. I can’t say I’ve found English people to be bad at conversation or kindness. Maybe you’ve become used to countries where people are more dramatic and extroverted and so you’ve lost the ability to ready more introverted people?

Either way, your experience of a few people is not every person in England. Even if it was, there’s nothing wrong with being more controlled in your emotions and friendships. My boss for example is not my mate, he’s my boss.

Holeypyjamas · 03/05/2025 08:56

It depends what you like though? I would find your Italian boss a bit overbearing but it’s nice that she cared and your colleagues.

I work in England in a huge corporate and my boss and teammates are so kind and lovely and we all talk about family and home life, illnesses and celebrations and do birthday cards etc

There are some absolutely wonderful and kind people in England who do amazing things for charity and community.

There are courageous people who would help a stranger in need no questions asked.

DPotter · 03/05/2025 08:51

I think you've just been unlucky with your current boss and colleagues.

My current 'boss' is very friendly, helpful and supportive. I've had other bosses the same. Yes I've had the odd, odd one and the bully type as well but overall people have been friendly and helpful.