Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

It’s not happened, it’s always been like this

italian people find British people hard to relate to due to cultural differences, not because Italian people are better or nicer.

I find Russians quite hard to get to know but that doesn’t mean there is something wrong with them

you sound a bit colonial the more you talk about it op

Depends on your point of view. You could turn it round to say Italians are over emotional, their country has often been in crisis and they need to button up and get on with life in a British way and then they might start to be as good as we are.

I’m English, living and working in SE England. I find all the English people I work with and most that I encounter outside of work to be perfectly friendly. Most of them are also funny and interesting. Maybe that’s the vibe I give off so that’s what I get back.

Msybe you’re giving off your ridiculously offensive “all Brits are small-minded damaged xenophobic monsters” vibe.

Either way, YABU to generalise about a whole nation based on your own narrow experience.

I'm English. The way you've been treated by your Italian boss is how I've treated a Ozzie on secondment in the UK. Except replace art classes for netball, and swap dinner invites for staying with my family for Christmas, a day in the autumn and a weekend in the spring.

I think your sweeping comments about your single experience with your UK boss is unrealistic.

I wonder how your boss would treat you if you had moved to England as an Italian, rather than a repatriating English person.

IME, expats are offered more support than a re-pat because of a lack of awareness of reverse culture shock. I'd imagine it's more that, that you've experienced.

Whilst I think you’re ultimately right OP, it’s also just culture.

surely it’s obvious that cultures are different, everyone knows this right? Countries don’t en masse try and copy another countries culture and behave in the same ways

I domt experience stiff upper lip much these days. British work culture is turning a bit American especially in tech with the let it all out culture, share share share which I find too much. I worked with a French guy and I found him too damn emotional and sensitive. I wish he's more English!

If everyone you meet seems ‘cold’ to you maybe it’s a ‘you’ problem, rather than an ‘everyone else’ problem.

I’m English and I’ve worked in a few different European countries and every single Irish community I’ve met is so outgoing, friendly, ready for a laugh, ready to make friends etc

Infact, 10/10 to the Irish for being probably the best representatives of their country when abroad 🤣❤️ and at home too because they were lovely when I visited Ireland too!

How about you stop talking about an entire nation of people as if we are a homogenous blob?

And suggesting that we are isolated and don't mix with other countries - the city where I live 201 languages are spoken and only 27% of the population is white British so I don't recognise that either.

You read like you swallowed a list of 1950s stereotypes.

Your Italian boss sounds lovely but not everyone would want a boss to step over into friendship so fast. Could be awkward if they need to tell you off!

I agree English people are more reserved. I come from a culture where people are more open, but that’s not necessarily always a good thing. They’ll tell you when you’ve put on weight, ask how much you earn, why you’re not pregnant yet, etc, which I don’t like.

However, I would disagree that English people aren’t helpful. My employers are motivated to help me succeed in my career, are inclusive to me and my culture and are often extremely kind.

I do come across racism out and about but never at work. Whenever I’m brought to tears by a racist remark/act, I have to remind myself that the people I work with don’t think like that and have never made me feel lesser.

Have to disagree on this. As I mentioned above am Irish, an even more isolated little island nation where people are friendly, emotional and never stop chatting to randoms.

You talk about 'English People' as if you aren't one yourself? Are you exactly like this then? Have you joined your workplace and asked people to dinner at your home and researched hobbies for them to join?

Or is it just everyone else that's wrong?

I've lived in a Mediterranean country, OP - and the only friends my partner and I made were other immigrants (German, French, Albanian, Romanian as well.as other Brits). The locals, including our neighbours, barely gave us the time of day.

I haven't taken those 4 years and decided that the natives of that country are emotionally cold and damaged because that's just MY experience.

We take our social cues from the weather.
Thanks to large corporations polluting and climate change we are all expected to be positively manic by 2050.

@Seventell

completely agree with @Holeypyjamas

"It depends what you like though? I would find your Italian boss a bit overbearing but it’s "nice" that she cared and your colleagues"

Try living in Sweden for a bit!

The English being known for their stiff upper lip is for a reason, I think British people are fairly cold and reserved, my husband thinks the complete opposite. It just depends on what you’re normal is that you’re comparing someone to.

I live in London and am Irish. I found getting to know English people very difficult at first and was mostly friends with other foreigners at first. But English people have really grown on me. I honestly thinks it's a social awkwardness rather than coldness for the most part. Similarly to others I have lots of kind English colleagues. Give it time!

Absolutely correct. OP, have you always been prone to ludicrous generalisations based on your own, narrow experience?

Emotional repression that’s carried over from stiff upper lip, war times ?

don’t know what it was like before the war tho, have all of brits always been this way even before ww1 and 2 ?

I've worked in England all my life (I'm 53), with English bosses and with English and European colleagues. I haven't generally found the English ones cold at all. My current colleagues are absolutely lovely!