Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

If you start with such a negative prejudiced generalisations how are you ever going to meet people with an open mind ?

stop pigeon holing whole nations based on a handful of experiences and you may find people open up more

"Of course I'm not slating English people"

So how come in your first post you said...

what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end when you ARE slating someone.

Yes "if only they were more like us vibes" 🙄

I'm an 2nd gen immigrant (European parents) but I'm pretty reserved around strangers. Just my personality really.

I think YADBU……..sounds like your boss is rude; your boss in Italy was great in comparison. It’s just your workplace right now. It is really unreasonable to paint English/british (whatever) as you do.
I’m English……I give little gifts to colleagues and neighbours just because I feel like it.
I make lovely cakes and bread and am always willing to share.
I make little bouquets from flowers that grow in my garden, and surprise a colleague or two. My boss turns up with a little morsel of something tasty when they’ ve been away, or I get a nice card every now and then in the year thanking me for the work done.
No, I do not think the English are cold at all. I work with people from all over the world on a daily basis.
My German colleagues are APPALLED when they get back home and are treated in the usual German manner; not friendly, not chatty, just functional. One colleague from Stuttgart told me she cried when she went back home after being here for a few years to see how her fellow countrypeople were.
My Romanian colleagues tell me about some the difficulties they have at home with corruption on a daily basis.
My colleagues from South America think we are polite, they feel safe and aren’t robbed at the earliest opportunity and our parties are fun while theirs are raucous (maybe they’ve been to the wrong parties!)
My son is received very well (in the military) and colleagues from Europe (Netherlands/germany/norway/greece/italy) all gather and share beers and love to see the UK. Cold? Definitely not.

I think class comes into it, the umc I know are pretty reserved & and seemingly cold. Just takes a while to break down that exterior.

You're the strange one here OP. Where abouts in England do you live? You still haven't answered that? I live in a small town in Yorkshire and we greet people walking on the street in our little estate ecah morning. Our work colleagues have open conversations about their lives everyday and go out together on a weekend.

The English are known as cold but that's more the posh 'stiff upper lip' type which most people aren't. I visit Germany frequently and I'd say people are far more cold there. Nobody smiles or laughs in the street, and there's no warmth. My sister was treated for cancer there, and she couldn't believe how cold the staff were compared to British nurses. I'll agree the Spanish and Italians are more emotional but many see them as over dramatic. I think it's just where you work or you live in a big city?

My boss is lovely. Always thanking her Team, little gifts at Easter and Christmas and a fun person to work with

You come across very direct, closed minded and insulting in your post, is that what you're like in real life? I would suggest this is maybe why you are not being greeted with open arms?
I live in the north east, people are very friendly here.
It's funny that you are so fond of Italians actually. When I visited I felt like they were all angry, I spoke to them very friendly and warm and I got grunts and horrible looks in return, maybe you just fit in better there 🤷

I had this same conversation with an Israeli friend who could not believe how cold and unemotional we all were. But I think strangely it’s about treating people equally and fairly. You wouldn’t be over effusive to someone that you barely know - you don’t know their character or how you will relate to them. So it’s a base level of communication style that is polite, efficient, civil and cool. It’s only when you get to know someone properly that you would dial up the warmth.

I prefer that to blurring the lines of appropriateness. I don’t want my boss being over familiar with me - I expect professionalism. Same with healthcare or retail. Similarly if I’m making new acquaintances, I would find it off putting if people were too emotional, too soon. You don’t me and I don’t know you, so hold the familiarity until we know each other, and our boundaries, a little better.

It’s a different culture. The Italians are incredibly friendly and open, but that’s not English culture. It’s not actually unfriendly in general, it just takes a bit more time and lots of people keep work and personal lives separate.

Being reserved doesn’t mean you’re cold.

Well, it sounds like you'd been dying for the opportunity to say those things yourself, Xenia...

Maybe your male English boss knows that if he were to be friendly, inviting you to lunch, suggesting activities for you, you would interpret his behaviour as coming on to you.
Then his job could be at risk. Besides I don't think you should be too friendly with bosses or neighbours due to past experiences. Boundaries are wise in many cases, CF's not withstanding.

And yet England is far more direct than some other cultures, like Ireland. English friends and colleagues who have moved here (quite a few, post-Brexit) have struggled with adjusting to Irish indirectness. Which can absolutely coexist with friendliness.

Agree with a pp who pointed out that you’ve got the meaning of ’stiff upper lip’ wrong @Seventell
It actually means stoic and optimistic in the face of adversity. Completely different to cold and reserved 😊

Your previous post said neither parent was english...

You also escalated the English from being cold and reserved, to cold and rude, then to cold and cruel. Dramatic much??

So you claim some English people have been Cruel to you.

In what way "cruel"????

I think generalisations are not that helpful. I’m glad that you had great colleagues in Italy but I’m sure you might encounter those who are less friendly too. You are referring to your personal experience at a particular time at a particular place. I’m wondering from your post if you are unhappy about returning back to the UK and this is what has prompted you to think about cultural differences. You mentioned your boss being cold etc but at another job somewhere else here you might have a great boss. It’s fair enough if you are missing your life overseas and I think the thing to do is reflect on what would make your life better. I don’t know the rest of your circumstances but you could think about another job, moving, travel, new activities etc. I think the transition to anywhere is hard and it might be worth giving things time to see how things settle. It might be I’ve got the wrong end of the stick here, but just some thoughts.

It's so strange.

The few times I've been to Italy I've been forced into the road by groups of Italians who wouldn't walk single file to allow me to stay on the pavement when out walking. And completely ignored in bars. And I saw some atrocious parking.

Based on that, I could say that all Italians are rude, inconsiderate and dreadful drivers.

But I won't, because a) I'm not a dick b) I'm not stupid and c) it's offensive and most importantly d) it's just not true.

As a reasonably intelligent person I might stop to reflect that perhaps it's my own attitude that is at fault.

But Italians are exceptionally warm and friendly. I have worked with lots of eastern Europeans, and it's interesting to compare them to the British. In general, I'd say the British are more polite, more ironic, more charming and far less direct/blunt. They also have a pleasant, self-mocking humor and a greater fear of being rude. I'd say the British are also friendlier than the French (particularly the Parisian French) and the Germans. I have nothing against any of those nationalities btw. All national stereotypes are crude and simplistic.

Yes. It had been my dream, to live and work in Spain, but honestly, the people were too difficult. They made everything so much harder. Actively hostile towards the British in particular.

You keep saying "they" when referring to the English. You've said that you're English too, so don't you mean "we"?

Get over yourself. You're not the first person to spend a bit of time overseas.