Page 10 | Why are so many English people so cold and reserved?

Seventell · 2025-05-03T07:35:25+00:00

Im English myself. But i havent lived In England for a long time. Ive had a nice career and ive lived and worked all over Europe. I most recently, was living in Italy. My female boss in italy was so nice. The first day that i was there, she asked me what i liked to do, i said that i liked to go to art classes. She told me about all the art museums in the area. She looked up art classes for me to go to. She also used to bring in little cakes for me every day. She said things like "if you ever need help with anything, ask me" my other colleagues were all really nice to me aswell. They would invite me out for dinners, and they were all so kind. Ive just moved back to England two weeks ago. Im just shocked! My boss here is so cold. But not just cold. He seems really emotionally stunted, like he is barely able to have a conversation. My other colleagues are like that aswell. They are really cold. Ive also gone out to groups and ive seen that english people are much colder in these groups, then people are in other countries that ive lived in Its just made me think - what has happened to english people. A lot of them seem so emotionally stunted and emotionally damaged.

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 21:13

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 21:11

Oh you don't think so?

Well fortunately its all there in black and white, page after page of countless posters running rings round you as you had no credible argument whatsoever and were incapable of any genuine debate and refused to answers questions put to you. People are free to check it out themselves to see how idiotic your position became.

So much so that you even made twitter.

I won't respond again. We are always told not to feed certain types.

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Sounds interesting!

Coldasicecreambutstillassweet · 03/05/2025 21:13

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:06

Well you definitely illustrate what i wrote about in my opening post anyway.

Your posts are a clear example.

I know how to find art museums on google. Its about the kindness. My boss at the time kindly told me about which art museuns she thought i would like.

Oh im just remembering something else that she did. I told her that i liked poetry, and we had a long chat about poetry. She told me about italian poets that i didnt know about. Then she used to find the poem online and call me in and show it to me. Nothing to do with work, we both just really liked poetry.

Ah it was a great time.

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What type of job are you working in? To be honest, my work (healthcare) has been extremely stressful the last couple of weeks, we’ve been short staffed, big waiting lists and hitting annual leave for school holidays. The new starters must have been feeling like you as we have had hardly any time to train them, even chat to them. But I promise we are a very friendly team. My boss is quiet and reserved, but so caring and empathetic.

I think maybe you have returned to the uk at a difficult time, lots of people feeling the strain in lots of ways. Give it a chance. Sorry you’re struggling and that you haven’t had the kindest response on here.

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 21:12

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:06

Well you definitely illustrate what i wrote about in my opening post anyway.

Your posts are a clear example.

I know how to find art museums on google. Its about the kindness. My boss at the time kindly told me about which art museuns she thought i would like.

Oh im just remembering something else that she did. I told her that i liked poetry, and we had a long chat about poetry. She told me about italian poets that i didnt know about. Then she used to find the poem online and call me in and show it to me. Nothing to do with work, we both just really liked poetry.

Ah it was a great time.

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I don’t think bosses like that are the norm in any country, she was an exception I would say

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 21:12

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:06

Well you definitely illustrate what i wrote about in my opening post anyway.

Your posts are a clear example.

I know how to find art museums on google. Its about the kindness. My boss at the time kindly told me about which art museuns she thought i would like.

Oh im just remembering something else that she did. I told her that i liked poetry, and we had a long chat about poetry. She told me about italian poets that i didnt know about. Then she used to find the poem online and call me in and show it to me. Nothing to do with work, we both just really liked poetry.

Ah it was a great time.

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Maybe best for you then if you head back there … sounds like you would be a lot happier.
When talking to your new colleagues do you keep telling them how great Italy by any chance?? 🤣🙄

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 21:11

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 21:03

On the contrary, I did not

But I see you over here being equally as unreasonable / angry and nasty as you were on the other thread,

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Oh you don't think so?

Well fortunately its all there in black and white, page after page of countless posters running rings round you as you had no credible argument whatsoever and were incapable of any genuine debate and refused to answers questions put to you. People are free to check it out themselves to see how idiotic your position became.

So much so that you even made twitter.

I won't respond again. We are always told not to feed certain types.

Original poster

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:11

Azandme · 03/05/2025 21:07

That's just that reserve, it'll pass.

I'm a boss and a colleague - if someone new asked me about my weekend I'd say something like, "Good, thanks, yours?" because I don't know them well enough to go into detail - give it time though, and they'll be getting chapter and verse about what I did.

It really all is about time - then you'll discover what we're really like! 😁

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Yeah ill definitely give it time.

I started this thread looking at a negative. As we often come on to mumsnet when we want to conplain about something.

but i want to write what i think is positive about the UK too.

The UK has beautiful nature.
It has great careers. Im in an interesting job that i like, and Im grateful for that. There is a lot to do in the UK. Its pretty safe. There's a huge variety of shops, everything is well connected and there is very good public transport.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 03/05/2025 21:08

Greenfields20 · 03/05/2025 09:21

The English are viewed as reserved and introverted? That's a new one on me! Would definitely depend what part of other countries you are in as I'm sure there are plenty European towns/cities/resorts where the English would not be viewed as reserved 😅

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You've seriously never heard of the famous 'stiff upper lip'? It's quite literally one of the most prominent traits associated with the British.

As to the impression of Brits at European resorts - yes, British people letting their hair down as a result of holiday giddiness or too much to drink is definitely a thing.

It's not evidence of general friendliness or lack of reserve though. Its veering from one unhealthy extreme to another. Reliance on alcohol to break the ice isnt a sign of emotional health on a personal or wider level..

Azandme · 03/05/2025 21:07

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:59

Thanks.

Yeah its not just about developing friendships.

I also mean how easy it is to talk to people.
When i was working in spain and italy , i could chat so easily to people in my jobs. We had a laugh, we were a team. We chatted away about things outside work

Here in my job in the uk, i might ask a collegue how their weekend was, what did they do. they look at me like they are shocked that i asked. I'll get a one word reply back.
They are just so much more difficult to talk to. Its just a different culture. I have to get used to it

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That's just that reserve, it'll pass.

I'm a boss and a colleague - if someone new asked me about my weekend I'd say something like, "Good, thanks, yours?" because I don't know them well enough to go into detail - give it time though, and they'll be getting chapter and verse about what I did.

It really all is about time - then you'll discover what we're really like! 😁

Original poster

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:06

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 21:01

So have you … don’t get people that move to another country and moan that it’s not the same as the one they just left 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
PS, if you need to find art museums, it’s called Google.

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Well you definitely illustrate what i wrote about in my opening post anyway.

Your posts are a clear example.

I know how to find art museums on google. Its about the kindness. My boss at the time kindly told me about which art museuns she thought i would like.

Oh im just remembering something else that she did. I told her that i liked poetry, and we had a long chat about poetry. She told me about italian poets that i didnt know about. Then she used to find the poem online and call me in and show it to me. Nothing to do with work, we both just really liked poetry.

Ah it was a great time.

OP posts:

Cynic17 · 03/05/2025 21:05

They're not. But they respect people's boundaries and privacy. I would find someone really rude if they started asking me lots of personal questions about what I like to do with my time.
It's absolutely fine to take time to get to know someone.

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 21:04

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Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 21:03

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 21:00

Don't bother.

You've had your arse handed to you on the transwoman breastfeeding thread. I don't have the motivation to engage with bots/trolls

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On the contrary, I did not

But I see you over here being equally as unreasonable / angry and nasty as you were on the other thread,

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 21:01

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:54

Yes it does help me , as people of other nationalities live in England too. The Venezuelan lady i met today, has asked me would i like to get a coffee with her next week

So thats nice. No im not the problem. Your attitude is a problem. But can we move on. You've said the same thing may times now

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So have you … don’t get people that move to another country and moan that it’s not the same as the one they just left 🤷🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
PS, if you need to find art museums, it’s called Google.

Original poster

Seventell · 03/05/2025 21:00

Azandme · 03/05/2025 20:55

Kindly...it's been two WEEKS.

I've moved a lot, lived in various countries, and my experience was it takes at least six months to feel settled.

Two weeks in, with so much change, you'll be feeling very discombobulated and that magnifies everything.

I'm none of the things you describe, I'm very outgoing (and English! 🤣), so you would probably find me more immediately friendly than those who are less extroverted, but that doesn't mean they are "cold" or "emotionally stunted", it means that they like to get the measure of people first - whereas I do it as I go along.

Go back to your groups and as people see you more they will open up more. It's more of a slow burn than an instant blaze.

I'd much rather have solid friendships that develop over time, than superficial friendliness that goes nowhere else. I'm sure, deep down, you would too - but you have to give it time. Two weeks really is no time at all.

Yeah i'll definitely give it more time. Thanks for the post.

OP posts:

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 21:00

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 20:47

Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP

What are you talking about?!?!

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Don't bother.

You've had your arse handed to you on the transwoman breastfeeding thread. I don't have the motivation to engage with bots/trolls

Original poster

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:59

Azandme · 03/05/2025 20:55

Kindly...it's been two WEEKS.

I've moved a lot, lived in various countries, and my experience was it takes at least six months to feel settled.

Two weeks in, with so much change, you'll be feeling very discombobulated and that magnifies everything.

I'm none of the things you describe, I'm very outgoing (and English! 🤣), so you would probably find me more immediately friendly than those who are less extroverted, but that doesn't mean they are "cold" or "emotionally stunted", it means that they like to get the measure of people first - whereas I do it as I go along.

Go back to your groups and as people see you more they will open up more. It's more of a slow burn than an instant blaze.

I'd much rather have solid friendships that develop over time, than superficial friendliness that goes nowhere else. I'm sure, deep down, you would too - but you have to give it time. Two weeks really is no time at all.

Thanks.

Yeah its not just about developing friendships.

I also mean how easy it is to talk to people.
When i was working in spain and italy , i could chat so easily to people in my jobs. We had a laugh, we were a team. We chatted away about things outside work

Here in my job in the uk, i might ask a collegue how their weekend was, what did they do. they look at me like they are shocked that i asked. I'll get a one word reply back.
They are just so much more difficult to talk to. Its just a different culture. I have to get used to it

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Zanatdy · 03/05/2025 20:57

That’s certainly not true of everyone. I’m a very nice boss and have time for my wider team too. People know they drop me a message and i’ll be available to help. I might not stretch to bringing in daily cakes, but not practical with such a large team anyway. Certain regions are also friendlier on the whole, i’m in the south east but am northern, and I find the people here colder on the whole, but there are exceptions of course. Pretty sure every Italian boss wasn’t as nice as yours either.

Azandme · 03/05/2025 20:55

Kindly...it's been two WEEKS.

I've moved a lot, lived in various countries, and my experience was it takes at least six months to feel settled.

Two weeks in, with so much change, you'll be feeling very discombobulated and that magnifies everything.

I'm none of the things you describe, I'm very outgoing (and English! 🤣), so you would probably find me more immediately friendly than those who are less extroverted, but that doesn't mean they are "cold" or "emotionally stunted", it means that they like to get the measure of people first - whereas I do it as I go along.

Go back to your groups and as people see you more they will open up more. It's more of a slow burn than an instant blaze.

I'd much rather have solid friendships that develop over time, than superficial friendliness that goes nowhere else. I'm sure, deep down, you would too - but you have to give it time. Two weeks really is no time at all.

Iammatrix · 03/05/2025 20:55

This is so sad for you OP. I could tell you a very different experience of my time in Italy where I experienced rudeness and covert racism. But I don’t judge Italians by this.

I am British, born and bred and I love the English/Brits - whatever!

I myself am very friendly, gregarious and really like people in general and so I can have a chat with anyone. Even the ‘cold and reserved’ among us!

Maybe you cold make more of an effort!

Original poster

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:54

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 20:45

Good for you. Doesn’t help you much though, does it, as you are in this country, on a public forum being rude about the people who’s country you are in! You are the problem.

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Yes it does help me , as people of other nationalities live in England too. The Venezuelan lady i met today, has asked me would i like to get a coffee with her next week

So thats nice. No im not the problem. Your attitude is a problem. But can we move on. You've said the same thing may times now

OP posts:

Catwench · 03/05/2025 20:49

I tend to find other cultures more welcoming than English culture. I tend to find most people want something from you or you to do something for them. I never ask anyone to do anything for me and never would. I’ve come to the conclusion that the only people I can rely on are immediate family as most people seem to be out for themselves and I think that’s some of what you are encountering. I don’t think anyone means anything by it, I just think it’s how they are. Also if people are in groups of friends they are generally most unwelcoming to anyone new. It’s not an easy situation, and yes, I’m English.

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 20:47

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 20:46

You clearly don't have a clue about England or the English.

No one has ever accused Geordies of being reserved 🤣

Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP. We aren't allowed to troll hunt so I'll follow others and report.

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Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP

What are you talking about?!?!

Willyoujustbequiet · 03/05/2025 20:46

Seventell · 03/05/2025 09:43

Yes a lot of English people are very reserved arent they. It was definitely a shock to me.

And they dont even seem to realise how reserved and unemotional they are. Becausee its become normal to them.

Its like a real inability to show emotion. Its strange

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You clearly don't have a clue about England or the English.

No one has ever accused Geordies of being reserved 🤣

Your comments have an undercurrent of racism OP. We aren't allowed to troll hunt so I'll follow others and report.

BuildbyNumbere · 03/05/2025 20:45

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:42

Such a bully you are with your nasty words and your little laughing emojis. Still here stalking me? I have loads of friends thanks. I have no English friends. But i have friends from loads of other countries.

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Good for you. Doesn’t help you much though, does it, as you are in this country, on a public forum being rude about the people who’s country you are in! You are the problem.

Auroraloves · 03/05/2025 20:43

Seventell · 03/05/2025 20:39

I think some people that ive met, have been more than reserved, they have been unfriendly and cold.

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Sorry you’ve had that experience. I’m quite a reserved person and I probs do take a bit of time to get to open up to new people. However, I’m definitely not emotionless or unfriendly. I would hope I come across as authentic and empathetic, just not loud or in your face.

What type of industry is your job in?