Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

Kind of similar to comparing the sexual performance of guys

You were massively out of order and can absolutely see why your DP is not up for forgiving this right now

Wow, you have absolutely no right to feel aggrieved by what he said. You said something incredibly hurtful to him and he retaliated in kind (but with a comment far less vindictive than yours).

To then give him the silent treatment after your own vile behaviour is bizarre. And you don't even seem to see that it is you who is in the wrong. Poor fella!

Agree, it was thoughtless and nasty,
I understand drink was involved but in her sober state this morning she still seems to be struggling with accepting she was wrong so it can’t all be blamed on alcohol

Its also an unwritten rule not to compare a man’s performance to another….you are coming across as someone who has no clarity of thought and who is also difficult and unreasonable

From his perspective, how does he ever have sex with you again, without wondering if you are thinking 'Bob would be doing X by now.'

I am not the least surprised he no longer wants you around his mate. He would be on edge waiting for you to make a move on him.

Maybe with time, he will forgive you. Right now though, I would give him space to think. And realise that it was very possibly a relationship ending moment.

No, you started it and said something nasty and unnecessary so you need to apologise….why can’t you see this?

You commented on his sexual performance and implied that his friend might be better at sex. Then he retaliated.

You were both horrible , but you started it and he deserves some space to process. To expect him to move on after an apology is abusive. You need to think about your behaviour op. If a man had said this to a woman people would be saying ltb.

I'll not saying that you should separate , but you really shouldn't drink together if this is the kind of thing that happens when you do.

I wouldn't be too sure. It was a thoughtless comment from the op but under it lies the belief that the friend is better. I'm not certain I could get over that. It would kill any passion in the relationship for me.

You said it to hurt him, and you don't seem sorry.
Don't drink if you can't control your mouth.

This, also I wouldnt be bothered if my husband said Angelas got a cracking arse, if she did have a cracking arse. In fact I would probably just agree. Some of my friends do have cracking arses, they work hard for thrm and I don't 😃

There’s no unwritten rule. Society,Men, women,SM all comment on female appearance. We are subject to critical gaze,and comment & judgment from childhood . There is no implicit rule don’t comment on appearance. If your social group maintains don’t comment on appearance rule, it’s unusual

I observe you don’t maintain your own unwritten rules
You favourably commented on his mate appearance and favourably speculated on his sexual performance. Told him Be more like your bestie

Oh yes, far better to compare your partners performance in bed with what you think his friends performance might be.

To be honest I would rather someone said I had a fat arse.

Stop doubling down, OP. You said something incredibly hurtful, and you have a LOT of apologising to do.

But on the receiving end of the comment, it would sound like 'Ive imagined how Greg would be in bed, I think he would be great, and I would quite like him to do things to me that you won't do and do them without my consent'.
Youre really going to have to work out how to explain what you actually meant. As I am sure you didn't think it would come across like this, but it most definitely has in your husbands eyes.

Your both wrong. Pair of drunken knobs.

Seems fair enough on his part, but your relationship seems pretty immature

Don't EVER discuss sensitive topics when pissed.It should be taught as a life lesson in schools tbh

But you saying how you imagine his friend would fuck you is OK? Okie dokie...

I think it’s always an unwritten rule that you say ‘how I imagine one of his friends being’ when expressing a dissatisfaction with how your sex life is

I’m female but not heterosexual so maybe I don’t understand how these things play out in heterosexual relationships - but apart from the horrible comment about his friend, are you not also putting your partner in a bit of a difficult situation by saying you want him to go ahead and do things without making sure he has your consent first? What if he then goes ahead and does something that you genuinely don’t like? I get that masterful men etc can be a fantasy for straight women, but it feels like a conversation about him being more assertive is something that needs to be discussed carefully between you to make sure you are both happy with what results. Probably not a conversation best had drunk.

My partner and I have been together almost 40 years and have adult children, so I don't think fuck buddies is really appropriate for us.🙄

Sorry, I too have just seen the updates. He is in a sulking stage. You apologised so he ‘has the upper hand’. Just leave him to it for a bit. I can’t imagine he actually means that there’s no way back.

I don’t blame him - you still don’t seem to grasp what a horrible thing you said. Like you expect him to forgive and forget because you don’t like arguments dragged on.

But giving him the impression you imagine having sex with one of HIS friends isn't?

You fucked up here, he simply retaliated. If he'd said it first, I'd be completely on your side and understand you retaliating by saying something spiteful back. You need to be grovelling.

Stop being Princess Precious. He retaliated after you made first insensitive comment. This was your fault. You need to apologise. Your comment was ghastly, no wonder he retaliated