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Original poster

Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

414 replies

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 03/05/2025 11:19

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

Given the minimising you've done on your comment and your determination that he was worse are you sure it came across as sincere?

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 03/05/2025 11:18

You haven't sincerely apologized because you still believe his comment was worse. Nothing sincere in that

ThDanielDay · 03/05/2025 11:18

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 10:08

I think comparing my physical appearance to a friend was horrible btw. It’s an unwritten rule with women - don’t comment on our appearance.

Whereas "I wish you'd fuck me like John would fuck me" is just part of the cut and thrust

EilishMcCandlish · 03/05/2025 11:18

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:08

He said he imagines doing my mate up the arse, I’d argue that’s worse as it wasn’t clumsy/unintentional wording but a clear statement

Show quote history

No he didn't. He said doing her doggy, where I come that is still PIV, but from behind. You are trying to make what he said sound worse than it was.
And it was very clearly made up on the spot in retaliation, to hurt you in the way you had just hurt him.

Rollergirl11 · 03/05/2025 11:18

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

Doubt it was sincere when you’re still arguing on here about who’s to blame. But anyway, the more you can do is to give him space and time to work through it. He doesn’t have to do it to your timeframe. You need to show some empathy here because at the moment all you’re demonstrating is that his hurt feelings are an inconvenience for you.

femfemlicious · 03/05/2025 11:18

Pashazade · 03/05/2025 08:00

You need to apologise, as does he. I’m afraid this was tit for tat and neither of you should have said what you did. No his comment wasn’t great but I can see that it was heavily sarcastic and you obviously hurt his feeling by implying that you’d imagined sex with one of his friends (your phrasing suggests you’ve considered it even if you haven’t and he won’t have had much brain room for nuance if you’d both been drinking) and you started it. So apologise, draw a line under it and move on.

Yes sounds like you have imagined sex with his friend @FoodLover22 if I were him I would not be happy about that at all

CanYouTurnItDown · 03/05/2025 11:17

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:10

You haven’t sincerely apologised. You’re not sorry 😂

Show quote history

100% this

ARichtGoodDram · 03/05/2025 11:15

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:07

It’s a sunny bank holiday weekend and he is sulking about a clumsy/throwaway drunken comment which I didn’t mean and have apologised for.

Feeling pissed off to be honest, relationships are about compromise and forgiveness if you love someone, are they not? I hardly said I want to ride his mate, it was clumsy wording!!

He's allowed to be angry at your comment and deal with it in his own timescale.

That you seem to think you should be allowed to say whatever you want, minimise the hurt it's caused, apologise and have everything back to normal on your timescale because you want it to be shows a really selfish side.

It's 11.15am. He's hardly been sulking and raging for a fortnight

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 11:14

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:08

He said he imagines doing my mate up the arse, I’d argue that’s worse as it wasn’t clumsy/unintentional wording but a clear statement

Show quote history

Ye sound like a lovely couple, you especially
Im not sure if I were him I would get over your comment, especially it was related to one of his friends
Do you have form for making nasty sly comments? If you do he is probably thinking about those now as well and reviewing the whole relationship

EilishMcCandlish · 03/05/2025 11:14

You aren't listening. You said you fantasise about riding his mate. Even if you don't think that is what you said. How does he ever have sex with you, without wondering if he is being compared? You are minimising what you did here.

I have been through repairing a relationship after infidelity. I can tell you that one of the hardest parts of that has been dealing with the intrusive thoughts of whether I am being compared with someone else.

He has every right to take some time out away from you to consider his options. That isn't sulking. It is processing. You being pissed off is a situation of your own making.

CalleOcho · 03/05/2025 11:13

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

Give him time to cool off.

Can you go out somewhere by yourself for the day?

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 03/05/2025 11:12

FFS Op, you really think you’re the victim here. You expect him just to brush this off and move on? You have HURT him deeply. You’ve gone right to the core of who he is. It isn’t about you. You should be bloody grovelling. His comment was a retaliation to hurt in the same way you hurt him. What the fuck is so wrong with you that you can’t see that.

Thinking he should just get over it because it’s sunny and a bank holiday is the most dismissive, ridiculous thing I’ve heard in a long time.

If I were your partner, I’d be out the door. He deserves better. I don’t think I’ve ever said this to anyone before but I really think you’re a horrible person.

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:11

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:08

He said he imagines doing my mate up the arse, I’d argue that’s worse as it wasn’t clumsy/unintentional wording but a clear statement

Show quote history

Only that isn’t what he said. He responded with an equivalent after YOU started it. He was clearly making it up.

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:10

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

You haven’t sincerely apologised. You’re not sorry 😂

LondonPapa · 03/05/2025 11:10

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

If my missus said what you’d said, I’d do the exact same as your DH. At the end of the day, both of you said stupid things so apologise and try to move forward.

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:09

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:07

It’s a sunny bank holiday weekend and he is sulking about a clumsy/throwaway drunken comment which I didn’t mean and have apologised for.

Feeling pissed off to be honest, relationships are about compromise and forgiveness if you love someone, are they not? I hardly said I want to ride his mate, it was clumsy wording!!

No you said you imagined it. Like actually think about it. His mate. Sexually.

Relationships are about forgiveness if it’s forgivable. And on the terms of the person impacted. Not you. The fact that you’re now annoyed he’s ruining your weekend. Wow. That’s punchy.

OrangeAndPistachio · 03/05/2025 11:09

@FoodLover22 utter bullshit. If this post isn't a wind up then I'm calling it - you're abusive. He should leave you.

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

OP posts:
Berryslacks · 03/05/2025 11:09

This all sounds like something off that telly series The Feud. It’s going to be a very uncomfortable meet up with your DH’s friend and his wife.

ZoggyStirdust · 03/05/2025 11:08

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:07

It’s a sunny bank holiday weekend and he is sulking about a clumsy/throwaway drunken comment which I didn’t mean and have apologised for.

Feeling pissed off to be honest, relationships are about compromise and forgiveness if you love someone, are they not? I hardly said I want to ride his mate, it was clumsy wording!!

And it’s clear you are continuing to be dismissive…

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:08

anytipswelcome · 03/05/2025 11:03

You said you think his mate is probably better in bed than him. I would be gutted if my partner said that to me, regardless of the gender of anyone involved. He lashed out and said something spiteful to hurt you in retaliation, it feels less likely he means what he said than you to be honest as you said it unprompted / not in retaliation. Pretty rubbish all round really.

He said he imagines doing my mate up the arse, I’d argue that’s worse as it wasn’t clumsy/unintentional wording but a clear statement

OP posts:
Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:07

It’s a sunny bank holiday weekend and he is sulking about a clumsy/throwaway drunken comment which I didn’t mean and have apologised for.

Feeling pissed off to be honest, relationships are about compromise and forgiveness if you love someone, are they not? I hardly said I want to ride his mate, it was clumsy wording!!

OP posts:
ZoggyStirdust · 03/05/2025 11:06

Well done. You’ve fucked up the friendship with this other couple (at least for you, hopefully not your partner) and done damage to your own relationship.

your partner is perfectly reasonable to be still upset and to be considering the relationship. Especially if you’re as dismissive with him as you are on here

WayneEyre · 03/05/2025 11:05

Everything you're saying is still minimising and refusing to take the blame for coming out with what you did. Which was awful. You would like him to shut up and forget it but that's not how hurting someone works. I totally understand that making an excuse tonight is appropriate for him. And you've made that about you too. Can you try and isolate his point of view here? 'luke adults ' is highly manipulative. No, you said something deliberate and cruel. He responded off the cuff. He is entitled to take some time over it. You don't sound very empathetic at all.

anytipswelcome · 03/05/2025 11:03

You said you think his mate is probably better in bed than him. I would be gutted if my partner said that to me, regardless of the gender of anyone involved. He lashed out and said something spiteful to hurt you in retaliation, it feels less likely he means what he said than you to be honest as you said it unprompted / not in retaliation. Pretty rubbish all round really.

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