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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

414 replies

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 03/05/2025 11:34

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

With this and your next post, you clearly now didn't mean your apology. You still think you've done nothing wrong. It's obvious you don't accept you hurt him. Saying you're sorry, particularly when you obviously don't mean it, isn't going to fix anything.

ARichtGoodDram · 03/05/2025 11:34

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

Given your clear disdain of the man and your dissatisfaction in your sex life why are you with him?

BMW6 · 03/05/2025 11:34

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:31

He’s hungover and taking it out on me

Show quote history

You've jumped the shark now. 🙄

IcyPlumOtter · 03/05/2025 11:33

shuggles · 03/05/2025 09:53

@FoodLover22 I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me.

Silly perspective. Consent is important in all relationships.

Consent not to have consent... nothing could go wrong with that.🙄

Jumpeduppantrygirl · 03/05/2025 11:31

Don't often post but this is on another level. You told him that you imagine his friend would fuck you the way you want to be fucked. From nowhere. He responded from a place of hurt by saying that he wished you had an arse like your friends arse. There is absolutely no comparison.

Butchyrestingface · 03/05/2025 11:31

InALonelyWorld · 03/05/2025 11:28

HE had nothing to apologise for, other than stooping to your warped, childish level. Seriously OP how old are you? You are so self centred and bordering on deranged now.

I'm here for the deletion message or the update to say he's finally left you!

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If she’s Pavement Lady, she’s 54.

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:31

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 11:29

that just shows how hurtful he found your comments, he’s obviously struggling to get over it

Show quote history

He’s hungover and taking it out on me

OP posts:
gannett · 03/05/2025 11:29

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

Nothing. Unfortunately that's the way things are when you say objectively hurtful things. It's up to him whether he can move past it or not, and I certainly wouldn't expect him to forgive and forget so quickly. It's no longer about what you said, it's about how he feels.

It's also the kind of comment that gets worse the more you think about it so I wouldn't be holding my breath. All you can do is give him space, in between grovelling, and he'd still be justified if he couldn't move on.

Another factor would be whether your "throwaway" comment actually targeted something he's already insecure about compared to his friend. Sometimes a nasty comment can be forgotten if it's not something you're bothered about already but if your partner actually goes for a vulnerable spot, that's tough to come back from.

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 11:29

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

that just shows how hurtful he found your comments, he’s obviously struggling to get over it

ZoggyStirdust · 03/05/2025 11:29

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

Ok you’re on a wind up. No one is that dense.

InALonelyWorld · 03/05/2025 11:28

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

HE had nothing to apologise for, other than stooping to your warped, childish level. Seriously OP how old are you? You are so self centred and bordering on deranged now.

I'm here for the deletion message or the update to say he's finally left you!

ruethewhirl · 03/05/2025 11:27

You're both in the wrong here, what you both said is pretty awful imo.

ItGhoul · 03/05/2025 11:27

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

Based on your responses here, I think ‘sincerely’ is doing some heavy lifting

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 03/05/2025 11:26

OK. I’m calling this a fake. I think you’re getting off on winding people up.

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:26

MissJoGrant · 03/05/2025 11:23

.

Edited

Did you read the full thread…?

Riaanna · 03/05/2025 11:25

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

Not worth noting at all. What’s actually worth noting is that you still don’t seem to realise how vile you’ve been and continue to be.

ForZanyAquaViewer · 03/05/2025 11:25

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:09

I sincerely apologised, I don’t know what more I can do

You can take ownership of the fact that what you did was awful, a very big deal and considerably worse than what he said in retaliation. You can acknowledge that you are not entitled to immediate forgiveness because you deigned to apologise. You can leave him the hell alone for a bit and sit with your discomfort. You can stop being so self centred.

That’s what more you can do. As you were wondering.

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:24

Worth noting that he didn’t apologise to me when we spoke earlier. He’s in bed still now sulking. Pathetic

OP posts:
MissJoGrant · 03/05/2025 11:23

.

MumWifeOther · 03/05/2025 11:23

You’re both as bad as eachother and I really think this sort of unnecessary crap is why people should really stop viewing drinking to this point as “harmless”.

Baguettesandcheeseforever · 03/05/2025 11:22

I wonder what your apology actually was but I’ll bet it wasn’t anything like this.

I am SO sorry I have hurt you. What I said was unacceptable. I understand if you need some space and time to think this through. I’ll be here if and when you are ready to talk about it. I care about you deeply and am willing to do whatever I can to put this right, even if that takes time.

Butchyrestingface · 03/05/2025 11:22

You’re not the poster who started a thread sitting on the pavement edge when your husband went home after a drunken night out are you, @FoodLover22 ?

Starlight7080 · 03/05/2025 11:21

You both need to not drink. Especially if you are the type who then has serious conversations or get nasty .
And what he said wasn't nice . But it was obviously in reaction to hearing you have fantasises about how his friend has sex . And telling him he isn't assertive enough .
These conversations are never good whist drunk.

femfemlicious · 03/05/2025 11:20

Imo what you said was worse. It sounds like tou have been fantasising about his Friend

Berryslacks · 03/05/2025 11:19

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 09:56

I’ve apologised but he hasn’t accepted it, says I crossed a line and that he doesn’t know if he can come back from it. Also said he will message his mate later and make an excuse so only those two meet up as he doesn’t trust me around him now (which is nonsense!).

He knows I don’t like arguments being dragged out unnecessarily, it makes me anxious and quashing things like adults is always my preference.

I’ll try again later.

Sorry missed that update probably for the best that just the two of them meet up.