Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

If my husband said what you said he’d be out on the street. Consider yourself lucky you’ve found a man who will tolerate you

PPs are right, he should leave you. You're abusive. You've given no thought to how he might feel and you're now angry with him again as he didn't respond to your apology (instructions to move on) how you wanted him to.

You can't see it, can you ? You started the argument by saying something you've obviously thought of , he retaliated by saying something to hurt you .

What you said was far worse, and if you carry on always thinking you're right,and not seeing anyone else's point of view , I don't see a future for you both .

Eesh that's gonna be one awkward meet up!

Let’s put the shoe on the other foot @FoodLover22.

Say DP drunkenly said to you last night “I wish you were a bit more impulsive and demonstrative during sex. Like Sally for instance, I bet she’s wild in the sack!” How would you feel in the moment? Might you come back with something like “well I bet Adam is hung like a horse!”

Then how would you be feeling this morning? You’re seeing Sally tomorrow and all you can think about is that DP has thought about how good in bed she is and how he wishes you were more like her. Not only that, DP is now annoyed with you because you need some time to think about what he said and how you feel about it. But it’s sunny and DP just wants you to be over it already.

Would you be okay with this?

What you said was awful. What you said was worse. You should apologise first.

I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid

😱
FFS, man. Then you're surprised he's hurt and retaliates by saying something along the same lines to see how you like it?!.

I think she probably has form for coming out with nasty, sly, passive aggressive comments and then tries to minimise them

Her partner (and others) has probably been at the receiving end of her nasty tongue before and is now reviewing the whole relationship in his head…..which she is writing off as sulking

Nah. Your mistaken ... Somebody can be hurt/offended/angry without bringing in a 4th person into it

He could have sulked, pulled his bullshit & refused to have her around his mate as he "doesn't trust her" while she grovelled for forgiveness but he absolutely had no right to make comments about her friends arse or how he/they could do it doggy style.

You are in the wrong. He's probably never thought about your friend in that way but was casting around for something to hurt you with after your awful comment. Apologise, hope he does too and move on.

He said this to hurt you because your comment was very hurtful too.

Hes allowed to still be feeling hurt by what you said. Just because you’ve said sorry doesn’t make it go away automatically.

What you should be doing is telling him you understand that he’s still hurt and you’re willing to accept that it will take time to get over this and ask him how you can help. Not be argumentative.

Ouch, I don’t know how you come back from that.

Oof, both are pretty bad. I hope you can both apologise and make up. I don't drink anymore, partly because it has effects like this. Maybe you and your husband can find another activity to do together to unwind? My husband and I watch funny stuff like Rifftrax, Red Letter Media, Limmy's Show, Burnistoun, A Touch of Cloth, Mitchell and Webb, and listen to old Ricky Gervais show podcasts and the Valley Heat podcast. We laugh so much, it's great.

You’ve apologised but every update shows how not-sorry you are, that you’ve only said sorry to end the argument & return to the status quo. It’s feeble about how ‘what he said was worse’ due to some weird unspoken rule you’ve made up that it’s unforgivable to state another female is more attractive than you, when you’ve speculated to his face that you think another man would better meet your standards in bed! If you’re going to double down it’s not right to apologise if you don’t really think you’re wrong & I don’t think this is a case of ‘you’re as bad as each other’ because you did start this & couldn’t handle it when he’s clapped back.

Jesus, you are still not getting it

Why don’t you imagine that in that conversation he’d have said ‘can you be a bit more assertive in bed, it’s how I imagine you friend X being’

you have crossed a line and it would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t think he owes you an apology. You reap what you sow.

After you objectified his?

Isn't that a case of pot kettle though? She objectified his male friend first to a much deeper level and made her DP feel inferior and self conscious to this man but that's okay because no specific anatomy was mentioned?

It was above average until the last couple of messages. It seems they can’t resist pushing it that bit further and it gives the game away

2 wrongs don't make a right. apologise but absolutely don't accept your friends being spoken about like absolute crap (if anything you built his mate up!) & sex objects as it does feel more like he likes your friends arse & wanted to offend then make a point

Both as bad as each other. He tried to hurt you as he you hurt him

This 100%. I hope to god my son doesnt meet a woman like this.

Well you started it!