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AIBU?

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Original poster

Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

414 replies

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

OP posts:
Riaanna · 03/05/2025 14:59

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2025 14:30

She did and he wouldn't accept it

What should she do now?

Show quote history

An apology is not an apology if you’re not actually sorry.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 03/05/2025 14:57

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

Holy shit. Your comment was horrific. I can see why he retaliated that way. Was he right! No. But I would have been heartbroken had you said to me what you said to him.

friendlycat · 03/05/2025 14:56

You still seem to be minimising what you said and maximising his response to what you created.

I don’t see this is easy to resolve from his point of view frankly.

You caused all of this and are now experiencing the fallout. It’s astonishing that you actually feel hurt and angry at his response. Yes his response was aimed to hurt you but you threw a grenade into your relationship and can’t seem to fathom the damage you’ve caused.

You don’t seem that sorry but more focused on what he retaliated with.

Honestly there’s a lot of work to recover from this.

MellowCritic · 03/05/2025 14:55

InterIgnis · 03/05/2025 14:48

This isn’t a case of ‘clumsy wording’.

You can’t hurt someone then demand they accept your apology because they love you. Some things are hard to come back from, and he’s communicated to you that this is one of those things for him.

He’s reeling and trying to process what’s happened and/or whether he wants to stay in the relationship or not. He’s not ‘dragging it out’ because he’s not getting over it according to your preferred schedule.

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Wow... but your version is made up. You don't know better then op. She said it was clumsy and not meant the way it came out. Ppl can mis speak even if there's no logical explanation. They were also drunk. Seriously calm down.

Mummyisfunny · 03/05/2025 14:54

Your husband won't have wanted to hear you want to bang his best mate.

MellowCritic · 03/05/2025 14:53

Op , please don't beat yourself up anymore you said sorry and explained you didn't mean it, I understand he might still need time to get over it but there's zero excuse for treating you badly. You made a mistake and unless he plans on leaving you over it then you would appreciate some forgiveness especially because you spoke clumsy as you said rather you revealing this big truth he can't forget.

InterIgnis · 03/05/2025 14:49

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2025 14:30

She did and he wouldn't accept it

What should she do now?

Show quote history

prepare herself for a break up?

InterIgnis · 03/05/2025 14:48

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:07

It’s a sunny bank holiday weekend and he is sulking about a clumsy/throwaway drunken comment which I didn’t mean and have apologised for.

Feeling pissed off to be honest, relationships are about compromise and forgiveness if you love someone, are they not? I hardly said I want to ride his mate, it was clumsy wording!!

This isn’t a case of ‘clumsy wording’.

You can’t hurt someone then demand they accept your apology because they love you. Some things are hard to come back from, and he’s communicated to you that this is one of those things for him.

He’s reeling and trying to process what’s happened and/or whether he wants to stay in the relationship or not. He’s not ‘dragging it out’ because he’s not getting over it according to your preferred schedule.

IkeaJesusChrist · 03/05/2025 14:48

This cannot be real, no one can be this clueless.

VickiFromAmsterdam · 03/05/2025 14:44

So you’ve been fantasizing about your H’s friend, the only mistake you made was to tell him! You started this & you could be waiting a long time for an apology.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/05/2025 14:41

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2025 14:30

She did and he wouldn't accept it

What should she do now?

Show quote history

Try again.

What she said was pretty disgusting. Basically, she’s imagined his friend forcing himself on her. Not sure there’s any coming back from that.

cryinglaughing · 03/05/2025 14:33

Unforgivable of you.
He is obviously struggling with what you said. You've got to be prepared for him to leave you I suspect 🙈

Nanny0gg · 03/05/2025 14:30

ClairDeLaLune · 03/05/2025 12:09

What you said was awful. What you said was worse. You should apologise first.

She did and he wouldn't accept it

What should she do now?

HowToSaveAWife · 03/05/2025 14:29

just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being

The first part I understand. Why you decided to add the second part is beyond me. PP are correct. You are nasty to him. I couldn't continue a relationship after this. Sometimes "sorry" just isn't enough.

MakeYourOwnMusicStartYourOwnDance · 03/05/2025 14:21

godmum56 · 03/05/2025 13:01

You were drunk, lost control of your gob and you started it. Aplogise and hope he accepts.

She did, but he's understandably still upset so she's accusing him on here of sulking and being pathetic.

Blueskies25 · 03/05/2025 14:19

Ikeameatballs · 03/05/2025 08:42

One thing’s for sure, this conversation won’t have improved your sex life one bit! I’d struggle to move on from the conversation if I were your partner.

Exactly, it will have had the opposite effect and will possibly be all he can think of when he is ‘performing’

Justfreedom · 03/05/2025 14:18

Op your like a skunk dont like it when the wind changes and it comes right back at you.
Dont dish out if you cant take it back.
You sound like its your way or no way.

Edited to add = op i think you are now making things up just to get people on your side very childish.

JHound · 03/05/2025 14:00

You both were but you were worse. You started it and are now complaining that he responded in kind.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/05/2025 13:58

You were a twat and he retaliated in kind.

HoneyDewBee · 03/05/2025 13:57

Id be extremely hurt if I was your husband hearing that. His comments were probably meaningless and a retaliation after being butt hurt. I hope you haven't left each other with jealousy issues on the people you mentioned. You best just apologize and let this one go if you both can.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 03/05/2025 13:54

You both said something ridiculously unpleasant. You seem to have said it without provocation and then he said something awful in retaliation, so actually I think you were worse. Unless what you said was provoked.

liltshake · 03/05/2025 13:40

Erm you sound really mean

SummerIce · 03/05/2025 13:40

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 11:08

He said he imagines doing my mate up the arse, I’d argue that’s worse as it wasn’t clumsy/unintentional wording but a clear statement

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No OP. You were worse. You started it. You’re the one that brought sex with friends into it. You were the mean one and he retaliated. You can’t act the victim because he bruised your ego, when you hurt him first.

outerspacepotato · 03/05/2025 13:38

You can dish it out but you can't take it.

YRGAM · 03/05/2025 13:35

I'm not sure there's anything anybody on this thread can say that will convince the OP she's in the wrong