Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

Both of you were careless with words. If you both cannot think clearly and exercise self control under the influence of alcohol, don't drink so much at one sitting in future.

It's also an unwritten rule with men, don't compare their sexual prowess with their friends.

Admitting you're wrong is kne thing, but seems you're the type to apologise with buts.

Own your end and once the dust has settled, you can revisit the topic when you're in a better place.

Expecting him to be ok because you've clicked your fingers isn't healthy either.

While I think we can agree that the OP was out of order and is BU, 16 pages of pile-on seems a bit much.

You are both unreasonable. Don't drink so much you make hurtful comments to each other

omg didn't realise that.

She should learn a lesson and know that her nasty / sly / passive aggressive comments will sometimes have consequences that she will have to deal with….in this instance it could very well mean the end of her relationship and that is something that she may have to accept

What you said was extremely hurtful, the fact you are complaining that he is still sulking shows your apology wasn’t very genuine. I think a lot of people would be upset about what you said to him. You’re in the wrong, 100000 pct

He hasn't dodged a bullet.

He married the gun.

well if I was him I'd be out the door thinking I had dodged a bullet.

You didn't just criticise him though, you directly compared him to another man that you know.
We live in a world that is shaped by patriarchal values and unfortunately that affects how men see themselves and their "manhood".

Saying he should be more assertive like his friend is an outrageous thing to say.

Your replies here quite clearly show you don't understand and aren't taking accountability.

You hit him where it hurts most for a man. He hit you back where it hurts worst for a woman.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but you absolutely started this.

Didn’t you do that first about his friend? Your comment was worse, you said it and whether you have thought about it or not you implied you’d imagined what he’d be like in bed, which is absolutely out of order to say to your DH. Him saying your friend has a great arse and would look good in doggy was a retaliation and probably something he wouldn’t have ever said to you but as you hurt him he tried to hurt you. This one’s on you, you started it

I think what you did was worse and crossed a line- he then crossed the same line in retaliation but likely didn’t mean it but only wanted you to feel as hurt as him.

You don’t seem to appreciate just quite hurtful, creepy and out of the blue what you said was. If my husband had done that I’m not sure I could get past it.

Er. No. He will literally have picked the first friend he could think of, the first body part he could think of, and retaliated. But if you will keep insisting you are the wounded party...

again

you said something really hurtful and out of order
He chose something that would reply to your nasty comment.

It's all on you. You keep minimising your part and blaming him.

There's no such thing as a rule about not discussing women's appearance, where did you get that from.

Let him calm down. What you've managed to do is put in his head that everytime you are with him, you are thinking about someone else, his friend in this case.

Great that it doesn't seem to bother you.

Don't keep apologising, you have twice already. He either accepts it or you are done.

She said she apologised, but I would be interested in what she actually said. Because it's been very clear in her comments since that she doesn't think she's done anything wrong and that he's in the wrong again for not instantly forgiving her.

OP, your opening post has made me laugh out loud. Fxxk.
What were you thinking?
Men have such fragile egos regarding sex and their performance.
His comment back is hilarious, but obviously was lashing out and hitting you with a bit of his own honesty.

Take space, leave him alone to stew and recover from his hangover.

Don't keep apologising, you have twice already.
He either accepts it or you are done.

If you keep apologising you are going to sound guilty, rather than just a bit foot in mouth!

Arrange to meet a friend if you can.
Hope you feel better soon.

Because he was trying to hurt you like you’d hurt him.

edited. Which absolutely isn’t ok. But I bet he wouldn’t have said it to you if you hand mentioned his friend first. I mean like a 4 yr old and it’s not ok what he said. But I don’t think he meant it

neither did you. But it’s a classic case of him wanting you to feel like he did

You did that first though?

It doesn't matter whether she meant it that way. It's extremely annoying when people try to row back things they said by claiming they didn't mean it, as though that absolves them of any consequences. She said it and whatever she meant or didn't mean doesn't matter - she has to own it.

@InALonelyWorld no idea why that came out blurrier then an eye test. Sorry!

Exactly this !!

You are both in the wrong - but arguably, bringing up a friend of his in an example of "what he could do better" is a pretty low blow. If he'd said something like that about a female friend of yours in a similar context, you'd be rightly fuming.
His comment was pure retaliation, but I can absolutely see why.

You started it by bringing his friend into the equation. Whether you meant it in that way or not I see why he is hurt and upset.

Imagine if he had said I wish you would initiate things and be a bit more forceful, I'm sure your friend would do x y z you would be hurt, embarrassed, thinking he had a thing for her probably.

You can't really take offence from what he said as he was saying it to hurt you and see how you liked him talking about your friend in that way - which clearly you didn't

I wouldn't accept your apology either.

But it’s ok to say… ‘I bet Jason could give me a right good seeing to whilst I’m on all fours, not like you ya big drip!’

You’re delusional and minimising what you said.