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Original poster

Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

414 replies

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 07:56

DP and I had a few drinks last night. We both had a long week with work and a few other stresses and needed to let our hair down.

We were discussing our sex life, it’s mainly good with a couple of gripes but nothing major.

I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me. I clumsily said that is how I imagine one of his friends being (I said a name) - I didn’t mean anything by it but in hindsight see it was stupid.

He responded by naming my best friend and saying that he wishes I had an arse like her but that he doesn’t complain. He then said in a sarcastic tone to mimic my comment about his friend ‘I imagine that being great in doggy’.

I went up to bed at this point and haven’t spoke to him since, I know I shouldn’t have said what I did and he took this as a put down, but AIBU to suggest what he replied with was worse? And he should apologise when he wakes up. I don’t know how to play it..

OP posts:
TimeForABreak4 · 03/05/2025 08:26

No you were both being completely out of order but you started it. I can't imagine ever making a comment like that to DH. How did you ever think making a comment about something he is lacking in doing in the bedroom, and then commenting you think his friend wouldn't be like that would EVER be a good comment to make to someone.

4forksache · 03/05/2025 08:25

He would never have said what he said, if you hadn’t said what you did. You need to apologise and then hopefully he will too.
You don’t have a leg to stand on though so ignore what he said.

MyOliveHelper · 03/05/2025 08:24

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 08:17

The thing is, I didn’t mean it to sound like that and it’s not a thought I have had at all. I was on about personality in general.

But I can’t ignore all these replies and it must have come across like you’ve said for him to be so vile in his reply

Show quote history

The thing is, you can't take this back now. Have you seen the malteser advert where the woman mistakes someone's suggestion for swapping partners for a board game as an invitation for a swinging swap session? You can't put that back in the bag. He knows you think about his friend basically sexually dominating you, and you know he thinks your friend is attractive.

Even if he said it just to hurt you and doesn't think that, it's going to be a thing any time you see either of these two people. All because you said what you said...

faerietales · 03/05/2025 08:23

You started it. Don’t dish it out if you’re not willing to take it.

Mamabear487 · 03/05/2025 08:22

Just apologise and move on you were in the wrong and he’s obviously retaliated in the same way.

LBFseBrom · 03/05/2025 08:22

StonwEd · 03/05/2025 08:00

I think he retaliated in a similar manner - I don’t want to be unkind but what you said was awful and I’m trying to imagine my husband’s reaction to that. He wouldn’t have said the best friend comment but then I’d never have said this… argh, think you just need to make up and somehow try and forget what you both said, what on earth were you thinking 🫣

I quite agree and you illustrate how stupid people are when they have too much to drink. It really was not necessary, you're grown up people.

DarkForces · 03/05/2025 08:21

He really wasn't as vile as you and didn't start the comparison game. I know blaming him is easier but taking responsibility for your mistakes is the best way to move on from this. You aren't the victim in this situation

alphabetcrayons · 03/05/2025 08:18

Sorry OP but you’ve started this and should be grovelling - imagine if he initially was the one who’d basically said ‘I wish you’d shag me like I imagine your best mate does’ - of course you’d retaliate to such a shocking comment!!

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 08:17

MyOliveHelper · 03/05/2025 08:16

Does he become as nasty as you though? You initiated this exchange and.brought up how you've thought about his friend fucking you.

Show quote history

The thing is, I didn’t mean it to sound like that and it’s not a thought I have had at all. I was on about personality in general.

But I can’t ignore all these replies and it must have come across like you’ve said for him to be so vile in his reply

OP posts:
Trickabrick · 03/05/2025 08:17

FortyElephants · 03/05/2025 08:03

You said something very hurtful and if the situation was reversed I doubt you would feel ok about it very quickly. He retaliated in order to hurt you back, not because he necessarily meant it. You are entirely to blame I'm afraid and need to get off your high horse.

Yep!

DarkForces · 03/05/2025 08:16

DP wasn't the one who started it though. You really need to take some responsibility here rather than making it about both your drinking.

MyOliveHelper · 03/05/2025 08:16

FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 08:15

Yea, we got carried away and had too much for sure. It’s rare we do anything like that these days and I will suggest to DP we try and stop it moving forward.

Show quote history

Does he become as nasty as you though? You initiated this exchange and.brought up how you've thought about his friend fucking you.

ReadTheBlurb · 03/05/2025 08:15

You're in the wrong. What he said was hurtful, but I suspect it was intended to make you understand how your comment had made him feel, as opposed to being a genuine thing that he thinks about. Your comment was far worse - you've critiqued his sex skills AND told him you imagine his friend doing it better (and you're not taking ownership of your words by describing it as "clumsy"). If my DH had said something like that to me, I'd be devastated, and probably would have retorted with something similar to your DH as a defence mechanism. It's you who owes the apology here.

Original poster
FoodLover22 · 03/05/2025 08:15

Fairyliz · 03/05/2025 08:03

You need to look at your drinking. It clearly doesn’t make you giggly/sleepy but nasty/aggressive.
Is that who you want to be?

Yea, we got carried away and had too much for sure. It’s rare we do anything like that these days and I will suggest to DP we try and stop it moving forward.

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 03/05/2025 08:15

You’re in the wrong here OP. You can play it down by saying your words were ‘clumsy’, but they were incredibly hurtful. I can’t believe that after he retaliated you went upstairs in a huff and are now expecting an apology! You need to apologise to him.

WhingeInTheWillows · 03/05/2025 08:13

You need to stop drinking if this is the sort of thing you say when you’ve had a few.

isthesolution · 03/05/2025 08:12

You were in the wrong initially. You said something inappropriate and unkind. His retaliation was wrong too but was as a result of your nasty comment. I don’t think he’d ever have said this if you didn’t first.

GaspingGekko · 03/05/2025 08:12

So you suggested to your husband not only that you have thought about having sex with his friend, but also that this friend is the (imagined) standard of sex you would like him to aim for?

Then you are giving him silent treatment because he retaliated by saying something similar about your friends arse?

Do you genuinely believe you are the wronged party in this?

Yes, what he said wasn't kind, but it was clearly done in response to your nasty, disrespectful comment to him.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/05/2025 08:11

You’re in the wrong here OP

WaltzingWaters · 03/05/2025 08:11

Zeitumschaltung · 03/05/2025 08:00

No, yours was worse on two levels (that you brought it up first and that you’ve imagined being in bed with his friend rather than just looking in public). You need to apologise.

This. Apologies needed from you both, but he’s definitely not “more in the wrong”.

MferMonsterSearchingForRedemption · 03/05/2025 08:09

Fuck me, what were you thinking? Well, you clearly weren't as you were pissed.

I can't believe you said that and it sounds like he was trying to make a point to show you how much it hurt. He shouldn't have gone there, but I can see why he did.

You owe him a massive apology and maybe you should stop thinking about what his best mate might be like in bed and comparing him to your husband.

Zanatdy · 03/05/2025 08:09

He only said it because of your comment, which was massively out of order.

Picklechicken · 03/05/2025 08:08

Wow what a shit show! You need to apologise. You started it off with the inappropriate comment and he sounds like he just said what he’s said to get back at you. I’d be really hurt if I was your dh. Not only have you mentioned his mate in a sexual way, showing you’ve thought about him like that, you’ve also said the way he behaves sexually isn’t great!

GenderFluid90 · 03/05/2025 08:08

You were nasty to him and he retaliated.
Lay off the drink, doesn't do anyone any favours.

Nameftgigb · 03/05/2025 08:06

Sorry, but what you said was worse and was completely uncalled for. He obviously retaliated to make you feel just a little bit like you made him feel by that frankly fucking nasty comment