Drunken Friday night argument - who was in the wrong?

It just sounds like you fancy his friend do you ? No wonder he retaliated don't let this fester you need to apologise but he will always be wondering if you want "friend to do stuff to you"

@FoodLover22 I said how I would like him to be a bit more assertive sometimes and just go ahead and do things rather than consult me.

Silly perspective. Consent is important in all relationships.

This sounds like what 2 children would be acting like 'you were worse than me so we are not fiends anymore'

Another childish response - ypu started it

When a man starts on his wife by mentioning her friend and she posts on here, she gets told to leave him.
The drink isn’t helping. Cutting down? I have never seen anyone do it. Other than stopping.
Drinking reduces your inhibitions.
Men are different to us in lots of ways. Mentioning his friend has really struck at the core of who he is.
And while you have asked him to be more assertive I can get why men in 2025 aren’t - the decent ones do, anyway.
You need to apologise. If he doesn’t that’s up to him but I actually wouldn’t want him to. He’s reacted for a good reason.
And I tend to flame men on here.

Sadly this is going to be very difficult to recover from. Yes you definitely need to apologise and take on the chin his comments in response to your bluntness.

But I also think you’re going to have some work to do in putting this all behind you. Not sure that Sunday is a good idea at the moment or is it better to get it over and done with.

You should initiate the apology, you were both in the wrong but your comment was actually something in your head already, his was something he came up with on the spot, with the purpose of making you feel how he was feeling about the comment to him, not necessarily something he has ever even thought about.
Your comment was worse in that sense.

Think if I was him I would have responded “thanks for letting me know where we stand.” Then gone out for a very long walk away from you.

I agree. I think he might have been using it in a mocking way to show how assertive "Alpha" males can speak, think and behave. It's not fair that the good guys get taken by people who don't want them while the rest of us are left with the toxic ones.

Is what i said funny @FrenchandSaunders ?

She's got drunk and she's told her husband she thinks his friend would be better in bed than him.

That's an alcohol problem if she is getting drunk and can't control her mouth.

No, he wasn't any worse. If my DH said what you had I would be very hurt. I actually think what you said was worse, it implies you have fantasised about what his friend would be like in bed and think he would be better than your DP, that's more hurtful than saying someone has a nicer arse than you.

Your post makes me realise how difficult this is going to be for op to navigate. Your example response is great, but it made me think that there is nothing she can say that will make this go away. It wouldn't surprise me if he asserted himself and left.

You basically said he's not alpha enough and his friend is more of a man. Ouch.

You were both petty and spiteful. You both need c to apologise and then have a sober conversation about your sex life.

This! The fact that she said "we both need to reassess our drinking" when confronted by the majority of posts saying it was all on her, proves that she's still finding a way to blame him.

I, too, have been on the DP's side of this argument and it is very damaging. Not just the things said but also having the blame solely shifted into your corner and told you're the villain and shouldn't feel hurt at all when it's not you who needs to apologise 🙄

I actually feel really sorry for the DP and am glad that the PP's saying to brush it under the carpet have never experienced being on the recieving end of this behaviour.

Oof. You essentially said to him that you have fantasised about sex with his friend. Every time you see the friend, your husband now has to live with thinking you are daydreaming about him fucking you. I don't know how you come back from that.

You can apologise all you like, except that genie is not going back in the bottle.

Your comment was stupid and he responded in exactly the same way I would have responded. You both need to apologise to each other and stop drinking so much you act like a pair of idiots.

Wow he now thinks you are imagining being in bed with his more confident friend. That’s why he responded that way I think. Maybe find a different way of letting your hair down.

What you said would make him feel so insecure every time he thinks of it, You need to find a way to make it sound like you didn’t mean it. something like this maybe:

”I’m sorry it was one of those moments that sounded totally different in my head to how it sounded out loud. I was literally just searching in my head for someone who you would think is assertive so I said him as a example but i know it sounded like i had been checking him out which i obviously haven't been. your the only guy i'm ever attracted to it absolutely was a foot in mouth situation!”

If I'd said what you said, I'd expect any self-respecting partner to end the relationship immediately. I think a tit for tat response plus silent treatment is you getting off lightly.

I assume friend has gone ahead and taken the initiative and booked Sunday lunch.

I am double posting but I'm so annoyed about this; it's mainly your immediate strategy to get out of trouble without thinking how you've impacted him.

It's how my DH behaved in our early days and it took LOADS of therapy to bring in change. I can imagine a scenario like this and him getting up in the morning and saying "no I'm not apologising unless you do too. We both said things. Bottom line we need to drink less."

You've been a bitch and you don't even care.

That sounds very tit for tat and to be honest either both of you need to pull this face at each other this morning 😬 and chat it out or just try to forget it even happened as you were both pissed. No good will come from dissecting secret thoughts about friends and associates.

This is not the kind of thing you should even try to brush under the carpet. Things fester and go bad under there.

I think you have a cheek acting like the injured party!

You were so far out of order you need to seriously apologise, I think you have made that friendship really awkward in future, your husband is going to feel insecure thinking about you lusting after his friend who you have imagined is a great exciting lover.

Your husband lashed out because he was hurt, to be honest you deserved that comment, you didn’t like it so don’t dish it out.

I think you should be prepared for the fact that what you said could easily have a long term impact on your relationship.

Many many people would struggle to get by what you said, especially when you regularly socialise with the friend you basically said you imagined would be better in bed than him.