Page 5 | School not sending home for period pain

rainbow9713 · 2025-05-02T19:30:09+00:00

Hi I will try to keep this as short as possible but also don't want to drip feed. I have an 11 year old daughter (12 in July) in year 7, she started her periods at 9 so has had 2 full years of periods, primary school were very understanding as she gets extreme pain to the point she passes out and/or physically vomits. Doctors have given mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid, she has also had an ultrasound scan awaiting results. Tuesday she was due on her period and said she didn't want to go to school (is an issue anyway about not wanting to go, but she still does attend) as she could feel it coming and they wouldn't send her home if she felt really bad. Now her period before this, the day she was due I was called and asked to pick her up about an hour before finish, as she looked visibly unwell, went really pale and was feeling really dizzy. I said ah she is due on her period today so that will be it, I was at work but my mom went and collected her early. Back to this period, she is under SEND at school with a pupil passport and extra support in place. Undiagnosed but strongly thought to be autistic (school agree to this) so is already treated as such and on the pathway for assessment. So Tuesday morning i email the SEND to say she is very anxious about coming in as she gets alot of pain, explain she does have prescription medication there, but could they please please (yes I used 2 pleases) call me if she is in pain so I can come and get her. As she isn't going to learn anything sitting in am office in pain, so I would rather make her comfortable at home...... reply was ofcourse, and also to tell her to use her time out pass at any time to go over to the SEND ect ect. She's still anxious so I see the new pastoral care at the gates, again say to her and to please please call me, I did say I can collect her before 2pm, if after 2pm it's a little more tricky but someone would be able to collect her. She was late home (I jave a ring doorbell) so I call her and she is in absolute pieces. She said she was in so much pain and begged and begged them to call me but they wouldn't. She was late home as she stayed in the lessen 20 minutes after it ended as she felt dizzy so was scared to stand up incase she fainted. The teacher did walk her out to the gates but she then walked home alone. I email the SEND as I am to put it bluntly extremely pissed off, as I reassured my daughter they would call me. And IMO they reassured that they would. The following day (my daughter was at home as had severe pain and was still in alot of distress about the day before, as in her words. They know she struggles to go to school but she tries her best to go in, and then they pull a stunt like this), the SEND calls me and says they won't authorise going home for period pain...... I'm like that is not what you or the pastoral told me yesterday. So now I have a meeting next Friday, I plan to tell them I am not letting this go. I have printed information about autism and menstruation, nhs info on endometriosis and adenomyosis which are conditions that take years to diagnose but can really impact womens health and ability to live a normal life. Also news articles about schools who have had to change their period policy. So am I being unreasonable to be so cross and upset my daughter has been treated this way? She dies not misbehave at school, and honestly yes it can be a struggle to get her there but she does go. Her attendance is good other than a day off every period because she physically can't move. I think they need to see these pupils (she can't be the only one) as individuals, they ja e already recognised additional needs, so why can't they see her as an individual in this instance? This now has made her anxiety about school even worse, and to be quite honest the next time she feels her period coming, I don't want to send her in. As it massively affected her mental health, and is a safety risk if she is dizzy and walking home. I'm cross because they have seen her look physically poorly and authorised her leaving early before, the only difference is, is that they disnt have forewarning that it was a period I'm so sorry as this is really long, I am just so so cross. Also of you agree with me...... any help to win this war with them would be greatly greatly appreciated ❤️

BlondiePortz · 03/05/2025 00:37

So will you keep her off every month?

Gobacktosleep · 03/05/2025 00:36

It’s bonkers they wouldn’t call you to take her home! I was exactly the same as a teenager in the early nineties. Used to pass out and collapse in school corridor with the pain and sometimes be sick - obviously my mum was called! Same situation - prescribed mefanimic acid, and I was put on pill at 14/15 which sorted things. By my late teens, perod pains thankfully disappeared (hopefully this will be the case for your daughter!) I can’t imagine how awful I would have felt on those days that I collapsed if the school hadn’t got me picked up. It’s cruel and you should absolutely complain!

AnonMJ · 03/05/2025 00:36

sellotapechicken · 03/05/2025 00:31

Is she going to take a week off every month when she’s in work? As that won’t really fly either .

Really?

sellotapechicken · 03/05/2025 00:31

Is she going to take a week off every month when she’s in work? As that won’t really fly either .

TheGrimSmile · 03/05/2025 00:27

I used to get this when I was younger. Some people - even women - don't get how debilitating periods can be for some women. I bloody hate schools and their obsession with attendance.

JorgyPorgy · 03/05/2025 00:22

Female pain and health being disregarded. If a boy had stomach pain he’d be allowed to go home

LoremIpsumCici · 03/05/2025 00:19

YANBU to be totally hacked off at the school. They did similar with my DD. Promised me they’d call if she felt unwell. Told her when she was unwell that they’d called me (they didn’t).

absolute breakage of all trust in the school staff

I kept her home after that. They are required by law to send home any work she misses and to not penalise her for missed exams or provide make up exams.

My DD’s health was #1 and no school flunky was going to cause her emotional distress on top of the physical pain she was already dealing with.

editing to add my DD didn’t blame me for trusting the school at first, she forgave me and we were a team after that as she knew I had her back.

Shelby2010 · 03/05/2025 00:12

It’s so hard. My DD has heavy periods (which she also started in primary), also short cycles. But I still push her to go to school and then wish I hadn’t, because you don’t know which day will be the worst.

If we want our daughters to have equity with our sons, there should be non/judgemental period passes & help to catch up with missed classes.

And most of all we need the teachers & school nurses to recognise that these girls aren’t just skiving.

Original poster

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:40

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

I can't take emotion out of it though, because yes women .menstruate, but for some it isn't 'just' a period..... sadly my daughter is one of those females where it isn't just a period.

So I'm weighing up her mental health, her physical health. The struggles she has ie neurodiverse. Now I wish I kept her off that day, because yes u want her to do well in gcse, yes I want her to live a good life in adulthood......... but the impact sending her in on Tuesday (yes a couple of you have already told me I shouldn't have sent her in) has massively impacted her mental health
Whereas if the school had done what they promised we wouldn't have this issue now. If I didn't have those promises before she went through those gates, I wouldn't have sent her in. I thought we had a practical plan in place to keep her routine as close to normal as it can be, but also a plan to make sure all will be okay.
I am very aware it would sound daft to call an employer to say I can't come in as I'm due on my period....... I'm also aware that as she gets older hopefully more investigations would have been carried out to hopefully have an answer and treatment which will mean she can live a normal life even when she is on her period

OP posts:

Original poster

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:32

There are so many reasons why I sent her into school that day. So those saying I'm her parent I shouldn't have sent her in. I'm trying to manage issues she has that are not period related. And like I have previously said knowing what I know now, I wish I didn't bloody send her in........ but I actually didn't 'just' send her in.
I emailed before school even started, and got a reply reassuring i would be contacted if needed. I also walked her to school and held a conversation with the staff member who can authorise going home early.
They had saw her previously on her period and called me to pick her up. So I believed with this reassurance, and the fact she has been seen on her period before and recognised she was struggling that it would all be fine.

I was wrong....... we are now on Friday night, this happened Tuesday and I am still majorly pissed off. Going through all email correspondence during and after that day, to see if I missed understood. Asked another child's parent who's chikd was there when I spoke to pastoral if they can remember what I said to her.

So in hindsight I shouldn't have sent her in.......... but I didn't 'just' send her in

OP posts:

Original poster

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:25

Not sending her in before the pain begins

OP posts:

hellywelly3 · 02/05/2025 23:25

I’d be fuming. She was in pain. It doesn’t matter that is was due to her period. I’d be pointing out it’s sex discrimination. They wouldn’t leave a boy sitting there in agony.

sprigatito · 02/05/2025 23:24

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Can you explain why you think the fact that this child is autistic means that it’s ok to dismiss her pain? Do you think autistic people don’t feel pain?

Original poster

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 23:23

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Not going to flame you, you have been ot kinder than a previous poster anyway 🤣.
We do have other struggles and routine is definitely very important and definitely helps her, I do keep her off when she is throwing up from the pain, and when you can actually see she is unwell from the pain.
And the fact she has struggled to transition from primary is one of the nai reasons I send her in when she isn't unwell or in pain (some days it takes alot, and affects my other daughter who is 10 aswell. As I'm having to deal with my 11 year old and also try and give my 10 year old the best of me aswell. I am a single parent).
And if they did as promised on Tuesday I wouldn't even be contemplating sending her in before the pain begins...... but the effect it has had not only on her (which has been huge mentally), it affects the whole house including my youngest daughter. When the oldest is just so so upset, angry and quite honestly can't regulate her emotions at all.
So it's the pain and distress being the main reason for now thinking to keep her off her next period, but also the impact it has on my youngest daughter aswell.
Because she was in such a state Tuesday aswell I had to leave work, so it also limited my ability to work. Amd being the only person providing in a household I really do need to work

OP posts:

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:22

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:21

My periods are perfectly manageable, but I have enough awareness to realise that others experience menstruation differently for valid medical reasons that are massively unappreciated and under studied.

if your periods are really that bad, then you should be asking more from your doctors. But I would never write off someone else’s period pain simply because my own experience is manageable

Show quote history

Meant for @Peasnbeans

lunalovegood25 · 02/05/2025 23:21

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Have you ever had period pain so bad that you were screaming or unable to move, and you wanted to stab your own ovary just so you might get it removed quicker? Or put on IV painkillers as they had maxed out everything else?
guessing not

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:21

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:13

I have similar pain with my periods. The drs fobbed me off with mefanemic acid and painkillers but when you throw up and bring the tablets back up too they aren’t much use. My mum took me to the GP for the umpteenth time and he asked’Well Mrs x what do you want us to do?’ I saw her get really angry and she said sharply ‘your bloody job! She has exams, she’s talked about suicide, don’t sit there and act stupid!’ Got the combined pill that day and i got my life back. I had barely any pain, I could run the packets together and not have a period. Holidays, exams, special days/nights out….all period free and pain free!

My periods are perfectly manageable, but I have enough awareness to realise that others experience menstruation differently for valid medical reasons that are massively unappreciated and under studied.

if your periods are really that bad, then you should be asking more from your doctors. But I would never write off someone else’s period pain simply because my own experience is manageable

Closetangel · 02/05/2025 23:19

She's your child and you sent her in. Take some responsibility. You shouldn't have sent her in

sprigatito · 02/05/2025 23:17

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

51% of the population absolutely does not suffer crippling pain and vomiting every month. There are medical reasons for this level of pain during menstruation, and they take time to investigate.

You’re “expecting to be flamed” because you know you’re wrong.

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:15

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Obviously written by someone with non painful periods.

BashfulClam · 02/05/2025 23:13

I have similar pain with my periods. The drs fobbed me off with mefanemic acid and painkillers but when you throw up and bring the tablets back up too they aren’t much use. My mum took me to the GP for the umpteenth time and he asked’Well Mrs x what do you want us to do?’ I saw her get really angry and she said sharply ‘your bloody job! She has exams, she’s talked about suicide, don’t sit there and act stupid!’ Got the combined pill that day and i got my life back. I had barely any pain, I could run the packets together and not have a period. Holidays, exams, special days/nights out….all period free and pain free!

Peasnbeans · 02/05/2025 23:13

Ok - I'm expecting to be flamed.
If you let her be off school because she is 'waiting to come on' to her period, and she struggles with them, and she is in the AS, it would perhaps be better for her to keep the routine and send her in.
These are routines she'll need in adulthood.
Best of luck - but 51% of the population menstruate each month. Keep a long view, OP. Best wishes. You'd like her to pass her GSCEs and move in in life.
Some parents who hold their DC back now end up writing on here when they're teenagers and refusing all school.
Try to take the emotion out of this and hold the line ❤️

Labraradabrador · 02/05/2025 23:02

No advice, but listened to a really great interview with the author of a podcast called ‘cramped’ that explored severe period pain and how the medical community and community at large overlooks severe period pain / how little is known about it.

Original poster

rainbow9713 · 02/05/2025 22:58

TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 22:57

you can also go to a pharmacy which prescribes the pill on behalf of the nhs - they will give it to her for free after some checks like blood pressure. just don't tell them its for period pain - better to assume for contraception as my 18 year old was refused in one pharmacy when I said it was for heavy periods. my daughter's gyno said she can take it consecutively for years but since she gets break through bleeding every three months she stops for 7 days every three months. but her period is manageable now.

Show quote history

I think the issue I would have with that is she is 11.

OP posts:

TheSilentMajority · 02/05/2025 22:58

sorry also if she has endometriosis taking the pill consecutively will help protect her fertility - no bleeding no scarring.