School not sending home for period pain

Your post seems to overlook the fact that the OP is already trying to manage their DD’s resistance to go to school due to possible autism.
Perhaps it is difficult for people not in this situation to understand, or have any empathy for, the daily struggle it can be to navigate this, but I thought the OP articulated this very well and is clearly dealing with a complex set of issues which your judgement on their parenting failed to notice.

I’m a DHT and sent a girl home with period pain yesterday. I suffered terribly as a teenager with vomiting, fainting and excruciating period pain and no one ever took any notice. The SEND team probably weren’t best placed to make the decision. This is a debilitating medical condition that they’ve dismissed. I would write to someone higher up saying their needs policy needs to be reviewed and asking them why she wasn’t sent home when she was so obviously in pain. I know schools have a daily battle with kids making up ailments in order to be sent home but they really need to listen to girls about how debilitating periods can be. Those who haven’t experienced painful periods just don’t get it.

The school have acted abysmally. The misogyny inherent in the dismissal of period pain is endemic in our society, much of the medical profession dismisses it, posters on this thread, and, of course, the teachers at school.

From experience, I do think learning to cope with pain and still getting as much of your “normal” life as possible is a good goal to aim for if there isn’t likely a solution to the pain on the horizon. We only have one life and we don’t get the days back just because they sucked. But if you can’t concentrate on anything there is just no point in being in school and miserable.

The phone situation makes having her go outside the school policy to contact you difficult. But, if you can’t convince the school to not be so downright nasty, could something like this in the bottom of DD’s bag be a good fallback?

I’m angry for you, what part of this did they not understand. She’s your daughter, it’s your child. Not there’s. Get it in righting they refused to contact you, ask for an investigation and explanation. They should keep her away from you or another guardian (think you said your mum) when she’s unwell. It’s absurd. They shouldn’t have this much control over our children

I wouldn’t let my DD take the pill so young because of the breast cancer risk. Pain can be felt so much more acutely by autistic people and there is a link between autism/PMDD. School is discriminating against your DD on the grounds of gender and disability. YANBU.

NRTFT but my 16 yo dd1 was similar. More recently she would vomit on the first day of her period. She started at 13 yo so older than your dd. She was also prescribed tranexamic acid which we sent into school too. Thankfully, we have managed to get the GP to agree to give her the combined pill now, as she was missing a day or two every month and has her GCSEs coming up.

I really hope you get it sorted OP. I too take mefanemic acid and tranexamic acid for heavy and painful periods. You do know your dd can start taking the mefanemic acid as soon as the pain starts and the period is imminent, even if the bleeding hasn't started yet? It sucks being female 😒

To be clear, OP isn't talking about "cramps" that can be managed with simple pain meds. FFS educate yourselves for those of you suggesting OP's dd just suck it up. It is completely outdated thinking to suggest that and expect women and girls to just "get on with it" .
And any GP thinking that is in the dark ages as well.

A simple AI search returned this:

Extreme period cramps, also known as dysmenorrhea, are severe menstrual cramps that can significantly interfere with daily activities. They can be caused by a variety of factors, including high levels of prostaglandins, underlying medical conditions like endometriosis or fibroids, or even a narrowing of the cervix.

Yes because you learn so much when you are vomiting and bent double in pain.

OP I've been where your DD is, the pill was the saving of me.

If the Dr is reluctant to prescribe stronger pain killers it might be worth trying a TENS machine. They don't work for everyone but might be worth a try.

I actually use mine for arthritis not period pain (too old thank F) this is the one I use and have been for 20 + years. If you have tried one and it not worked then sorry for repeating.

www.healthandcare.co.uk/tens-machines-and-nmes-systems/tpn-200-plus-dual-channel-tens-machine.html?gad_source=4&gad_campaignid=20627340127&gbraid=0AAAAAD7hp2rgmsW5jI5uF-_xI04ArpoiV&gclid=Cj0KCQjw2tHABhCiARIsANZzDWr3B7GVKi63ssCXBZ0lGXL-pmHf_uS40bXTZpGUedrmdcB2bVOk4RwaAtPrEALw_wcB

It doesn't resolve the school issue but have you considered starting her on hormonal therapy? My eldest has been on it for years as her periods were so heavy she'd flood. It also made her moods wild. My middle daughter started hers at 10 and didn't even tell me. I found her pants Im the wash. she struggled to engage with it all as she just wasn't emotionally mature enough. I spoke with the GP and she has been on hormonal therapy for 2 years now. She can choose when to have a bleed within a 6 month period and it's given her so much more control

I’m sorry for your DD and you are right to be angry.

its the same at my DD’s school. My DD gets awful sickness of the first day or two if her period, feels faint, sometimes vomits and dizzy. She has a rare disorder that I’ve read can cause this but it’s such a rare disorder school don’t really know much about it beyond what I’ve explained.

One day she text me from the toilet to say she was going to welfare and was really sick due to her period. Sure enough a few minutes later school called me to collect her. I innocently yes it’s her period , she does suffer very badly and the school staff members tone changed. She said ‘oh. DD didn’t tell me that because she knows we don’t let them to go home for period pain’.

I was really surprised. I know kids probably use it as an excuse a lot but any sickness can be used as an excuse so I don’t know why period pain seems to be such a red flag for some schools.

Agreed. OP's dd likely needs a gyno exam for endometriosis etc
It could take years to sort. She doesn't need to suffer at school in the meantime.

I think it is outrageous you daughter is denied bodily autonomy. Can she be given permission by you to call you directly if she needs to leave? ie she calls you and you make arrangements with her and then you call the school to say your daughter is to wait for you in the office until you get there. iyswim?

I remember always being in the sick room at school when I had my period, the pain was unbearable.
I've had painful periods all my life, the only thing that sorted it out was childbirth. I don't get any pain now. So I really feel for your daughter as I know how painful they can be. School should have done something.

Yeah don’t you people get it? It’s just a women’s issue. It doesn’t count.

Oh great, it’s one of these people who complains about school staff not being respected enough, and thinks defending the indefensible will somehow improve the situation.

Also the school nursing service is there to help with medical issues which affect education so that is another avenue you could try.
But at the end of the day, school are not medically trained. If she is going to need regular time off for a health issue, I think you are going to need some evidence of this from a medical professional.

God, this is absolutely infuriating for any woman or girl who has suffered this way. I’ve had two home births which were an absolute breeze compared to the levels of pain I went through as a teenager.

I think you are getting angry at the wrong people! She needs a medical solution to thus or at the very least a doctor's note that says she needs time off, if her pain is unmanageable.
You say she gets sick and faints on her period?Has she ever actually vomited or fainted at school?
Another thing is that she seems to be getting very worked up about this and thus will be making the pain worse than if she can learn how to relax. Is there a safe space she can go to at school where she can walk about or do relaxation techniques.
I had horrendously bad periods when I was at school, so bad I remember sitting there sweating and praying I wasn't going to faint. School never ever sent me home, they just gave me ideas for coping.

I have reasonable adjustments for mine, it’s not a full week or every month that the pain is so bad but yes when it is, I can’t work
its not that it’s a heavy period, it’s the severe pain I’m in

Seriously?? I take it you don’t have endometriosis then? The symptoms OP’s daughter has are clearly not a standard period. Don’t be so smug or judgemental.

Lol you are too funny, my DD had attendance in the 60%s and she aced her GCSEs and actually at A levels had a pre-agreed schedule with the 6th form where she only attended 50% of classes and did them over a 3yr schedule instead of 2 years- which she also aced.

She’s at a top 10 UK Uni, top 30 World Uni now on an honours masters degree course in a highly paid career field that has massive worker shortages.

It is the LAW that any debilitating condition/ disability that prevents attendance n person means they MUST provide work to do at home and arrange access for exams.

She won’t be working a minimum wage job with her degrees when she is all done. In fact ensuring her academic success is her only path to an independent life with her autism and physical health problems, if Stephen Hawking could do it, so can she.

You shouldn't have sent her in and I think you know that now.

A school has possibly up to 2,000 students and 200 members of staff. They are not going to be able to put individual measures in place on a daily basis for different students to remember who has a particular issue on a particular day. This isn't because they don't want to, but because it's not practically possible. The school on that same day will have had numerous pupils claiming to be sick and they don't always know where to draw the line.

If something like this does happen again, email each teacher that your child is going to have that day directly, rather than just a generic email to the school. Make an effort and find our their direct email addresses. Do this as early as you can (before 7.00), so that they have the best possible chance of seeing it before they start teaching at around 8.30. They still may not see it, or they may be constrained by the overall school's policy, but you've a much better chance of them recognising your daughters issues.

This might not solve everything, as a classroom teacher won't have the authority to call parents or send them home, but it will mean the adult who actually sees them during the day will have a direct knowledge of their issue and know that it's genuine. This will make it more likely that they can advocate for them with other school staff, and inform the staff responsible for the decision that the parent has confirmed that it's genuine, which will make it more likely to be taken seriously.

The person who you spoke to in the morning will have more than likely not seen your daughter for the rest of the day. They may have emailed all teachers to let them know of the issue, but teachers then probably won't have seen that email until the afternoon, when it's too late. Also, it did jump out at me that you said the new pastoral care person, which given it's an academy chain, probably means that there's constant turnover, with people who don't know policies and possibly have much experience working with young people (pastoral roles aren't generally qualified teachers and are generally paid slightly above minimum wage, especially in academy chains).

You should be ashamed of yourself.
what sort of example are you setting?

if a woman is in this much pain let’s be more than curious. Not dismissive. Let’s solve the problem. Don’t ignore it.

Yes really! Is op going to keep her kid off school for a week every single month? Because if so she probably won’t pass any exams to get a good job and minimum wage jobs don’t tend to like it if you take 1 week per month off because you have a heavy period

Meh, if it continues into adulthood, it will be covered under the equality act as a disability so yes it will “fly”