School not sending home for period pain

The secondary school transition is such a common time for these sorts of issues to take hold. ND children who have been well supported and understood in primary suffer hugely from the loss of the secure adults in school due to the massive increase in the number of teachers they have to deal with. The environment is much more overstimulating and overwhelming. Add the period issues in and it's a recipe for disaster. Unfortunately schools and the government seem stuck in the feckless parent narrative of school refusal so you end up with a period policy like this which is almost guaranteed to increase the likelihood of attendance issues.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. It is so hard. You aren't alone though, this is affecting more and more children. Your daughter sounds like she is absolutely doing her best. The failure is in the school and the system which encourages schools to deal with children in this way.

It's not period pain. She hasn't got the usual cramping and light discomfort that comes with a healthy cycle.
She has an undiagnosed medical condition that causes her to be in so much pain that she's fainting and vomiting.
The school is not medically trained. They are also not her mum. They failed her and you. They took advantage of the power they hold over children in their care.
Yes I would take it further. Yes I would highlight that with any other pain, it's likely they would have taken her more seriously and could be seen to discriminate.
Anyone who is getting more than light cramping needs to stop saying period pain. It's minimising a serious and debilitating condition. It's a hormonal imbalance, often contributed n by carbotisis and low vitamin d levels and needs treatment and recognition each time.

You have completely done the right things, tracking her periods, contacting school and agreeing a support plan and sending her to school.

School have let you both down and hopefully will recognise that when you get a meeting with them.

I'm on a similar journey with my DD. She started her periods age 10 and by year 9 of high school was struggling. Year 10 absence was high and the test started. We are fortunate to have private healthcare so have seen paediatricians then gastro and now gyaene since a hospital stay Feb 2024.

DD has ovarian cysts and likely Endo with surgery booked for July after her GCSE to confirm.

She started on the combined pill last October, tri-cycling and it's been fantastic. She actually plans her break for the school holidays, so had a period Xmas, Feb, Easter and another planned for end May.

I understand your struggles with medication, DD is 15 so significantly older but some meds are just not licenced for children, despite them being physically the same size and shape as an adult.

We are seeing Dr Gail Busby. She has You Tube videos that talk you through various conditions. These may help your DD to watch and understand.

I've also started listening to a BBC sounds podcast called 28 days-ish later that talks about periods. Only on day 10 but it's fascinating.

Good luck with making school listen. We have great support this year and it really does make a difference. My DD feels cared for in school so will go in even when feeling rubbish as they send her home. Last time was October just before she started the Pill and she again ended up in A&E. The pain is real.

The Pill has been a game changer and as PP she's also got low iron so on regular iron. Ask your GP for the pill and blood tests on Wednesday.

You are doing everything right. Trust your instincts.

Op I'd make sure she is able to contact you during the school day if necessary.
If that means using controls on her phone so everything except your number is blocked or getting a brick phone and payg sim id do it.

At the meeting, explain clearly that this is a medical condition and she needs an individual health care plan to be put in place with an agreed action plan so all staff are aware and follow it as needed. If they need to, they can request support from the local authority school nursing team to write this.

The DfE guidance for further information on how they should be supporting is also useful to quote if needed!

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5ce6a72e40f0b620a103bd53/supporting-pupils-at-school-with-medical-conditions.pdf

I have a daughter who is 12 and autistic and got her period last year and just started high school so plenty to empathise with here. I would be raging. I think people might be forgetting that autistic girls can really struggle to self advocate. If she’s anything like my daughter anyway. The sensory challenges with the clothes (we’d never manage school trousers so are grateful that we are in Scotland at a school with a relaxed uniform policy), the additional sensory issues around period care, the knowledge that she was lied to (my daughter would find this so difficult), plus the fear of being in terrible pain means this child in my opinion would not be able to fight for herself or hide a phone to call her mum or think to phone for a lift home.

On bad days my daughter uses 90% of her energy just to stay present (she has terrible eczema so not the same thing at all but I know how distracting pain is for her), she has little left for fighting with her teachers. I cannot believe anyone thinks this mother or child could or should do more.

I would absolutely go in with all the information you can get from the GP and put it all in place for next time. Is this the only school that’s an option? Just because they’re showing a troubling lack of care and a huge lack of understanding of autism in girls and you have years of high school left.

There are so many similarities here with what I have been through with my daughter, and the battles I have had with school. The thing that made a difference to the schools response was getting senior leadership involved and talking through all the medical evidence. I think it helps that my daughter is under a paediatrician so they took it more seriously.

As well as dealing with this with my own child I work with children (and their parents) experiencing EBSA (emotionally-based school avoidance), she is hugely at risk and the school needs to be doing everything they can, right now, to prevent this escalating.

Make a complaint and then request a meeting. Get a written plan in place that everyone agrees with. If they don't agree to send her home in these circumstances it is highly likely that her school-based anxiety will increase. If the response from the school isn't good then I would seriously consider moving her because it will only get worse

@1SillySossij but as a duty of care the school should have jnformed mum of the day, being out of lessons etc. Plus daughter is SEND, therefore may not have thought through a new plan and instead gone with her normal- to walk home. She was in pain and probably not thinking straight, she just wanted to get home. She's been told by 'trusted' adults she's fine, so might not have wanted to bother anyone. This is now a learning conversation where OP tells her daughter to call immediately and is part of the learning curve of secondary, but also of having medical issues. But unfortunately the adults in this situation didn't do what was needed with communication.

Re getting home from school. The op says her dd collects her phone at the end of the school day, so she could and should have called her mum to say she was NT fit to walk home

And I am so sorry your daughter had her period so young. It s awful for her to have to deal with them at such young age. My daughters were respectively 13 nearly 14 and 12,5 so more equipped in terms of maturity and all their friends were having them
one by one. 9 is so young

As a thought on potential solutions for future - may be worth raising it as a welfare and safeguarding issue through pastoral, and see if can agree a care plan for it.

That way you, your daughter and the school are all clear on what the expectations and arrangements are. Saves anyone having opinions on the day. Can also select and appropriate title which may not be period pain.

As several of the posters on here have demonstrated, there are a lot of very narrow minded people who assume that they know what someone else is experiencing just because they happen to have the same sex organs as them. It’s thorough unhelpful, and a good example of where sometimes some women are others worst enemy. The comments about ‘can’t do that when she’s working’ are also quite frankly utter bollox. I’ve had time off sick for period pain whilst working in a safety critical role on an oil
platform. Fortunately my colleagues and the medic there had enough sense to recognise that the best answer all round was for me to be in my cabin on the good drugs for those particular 8 hours.
(Also, worked out most effective drug combo - look into buscopan. More commonly used for ibs).

The life skill she needs to learn in navigating the situation, and cutting through the nonsense from other women.

Good luck!

This is shocking and I wouldnt let this go either.
what i dont understand genuinely is why do we need as parents therefore adults, the school permission.

i have made it very clear in the past when my children were in primary school to the principal that i wasnt asking for permission (for a different issue) but was informing her.

i would also ask rhe GP to write a letter and I would be very clear that they have failed in their duty of care. i would also say that if a child is asking to call his / her parents, they do NOT have the power to refuse it. The school can have a conversation with the parents if they want to but we are in the 21st century not in some Dickensian orphenage, the school should absolutely call the parents if the child is sick/in pain/ distressed etc.

duty of care and pastoral care wtc. I would really make a huge deal and make them accountable.

you ve got my 100% support.

I understand how you feel but the school have a duty to educate your child. They cannot keep sending a child home sick on your or her say so without medical evidence or definite visible symptoms. Otherwise half the girls would be jumping on the band wagon to get sent home for a few days each month.
Have you even ssked for a doctor's note, or seen a gynae?

You sound like a great mum doing amazingly for your daughter in a very tough situation.
Please don’t think you did the wrong thing by sending your DD to school that day. You got the assurances you needed & then she went in. School went back on what they said but you weren’t to know that. You are now following up with school. You are being an excellent advocate for your daughter.
My daughter has said her period pains meant she didn’t feel up to school & I told her to get up take a paracetamol, have breakfast & get to school as she couldn’t have a day off a month for that. She was fine as soon as she got going. Our DD are in very different situations & that should be understood.

Re. The pain itself - GP really needs to try different painkillers and definitely refer to gynaecology.

I have endometriosis. Was given mefanaemic acid which did absolutely nothing, even when I started taking it in advance of my period. (Stupid GP also prescribed tranexamic acid, which I didn't take after reading the warnings that came with it that it shouldn't be taken if you don't have heavy bleeding - just mentioning as a warning for anyone prescribed it who has pain but not heavyness!). Codeine and tramadol also did very little for my pain.

The pill had covered up my endo symptoms for years but after coming off it I realised it had had a horrible effect on my mental health so didn't want to go back to it.

Eventually the gynaecologist prescribed naproxen, which has been an absolute godsend (GP prescribes this now). Went from having white hot pain emanating from my lower back, mentally delirious with pain, throwing up... to actually able to work, just feeling mild cramps. On the worst days I take paracetamol too, inbetween the naproxen. Gynae explained the type of painkiller matters, not just the strength.

As an aside, someone invented a machine that supposedly simulates labour pain. I wish we could have an endometriosis version and everyone who dismisses it as "just" period pain be forced to experience it!

Your poor daughter. I have had similar with school saying I could collect my son (ASD) if needed and then not contacting me when he was ill. Now he doesn’t go to school if he’s feeling under the weather- like you say they shot themself in the foot.

re the periods- I am suffering dreadfully at the moment and my dr advised I start taking the mefenemic acid and tranxemic acid 3 days before I’m due on. Sadly I’m not as regular as I was but on the cycles I get it right, it does make a massive difference to my pain. If you aren’t already doing it it might be worth a try!

From a school point of view I understand they can't send every girl home for period pain.
Have you met with the school specifically about this health issue? Is it on her file?
I would see your GP this week and they should at least write the facts of the current plan in place for your daughter. This should then be submitted to school.
I would be fuming too, you did everything you could on the day to support your daughter getting into school and feeling comfortable to go and that all backfired because school didn't keep their word. However, medical letters help. If you have any other letter, appointment letters, the letter after explaining what the plan is etc, get a copy of all of them for Friday's meeting.
By proving this is a medical issue and not just some almost teenager trying to skip school will help for the future.
Secondly I would raise that you should have been called if daughter was in that much pain. Even just to inform you as she can't have been in lessons, why weren't you told she was out of lessons?
Getting home- if daughter expressed dizziness then again you should have been called. What happens if she had collapsed?
To top it off... having autism makes this so much harder for your daughter to manage. More understanding and more communication with you is vital.
On Friday, you need an SEND, a pastoral and a school nurse (if there is one on site) there really. So communication is clear.
Moving forward email everyone in one email chain with the concerns on the morning. Put it in that you spoke to xyz. This way you have evidence. Otherwise if this happens again I would be making an official complaint.

That’s awful for your daughter. I work in a secondary girls school and we get a lot of students attend medical for period pain but we absolutely recognise the difference between the students who need a rest and a hot water bottle and those who need to go home. If your daughter finds school really difficult and has low attendance they may be trying to encourage her to stay to improve it (we wouldn’t do that).

This makes me so cross. Pain is not less valid because it comes from something that only affects women. You are in an awkward place right now where she is too young to try any hormonal treatment and is just having to put up with it. This school "policy" (I doubt there really is one) is absolutely misogynistic. It is also counterproductive when children are anxious about attending school. Please don't let this one go. I would be escalating this as far as I could until you get some acknowledgement of just how wrong this is.