AIBU to think my friend is too comfortable in my home?

Yes, she’s getting too comfy.

You need to be less available. Don’t let her in for a start. Don’t do her washing. Maybe say to her that you appreciate her suggestions but this is your home and you’ll buy what you want.

Sounds like shes saving on housing costs by living at yours. This is cocklodger territory. Get some boundaries!

Surely she has her own washing machine? Is she staying the night?

I mean, why aren’t you saying “no”?

Things like suggesting you need to buy particular items of furniture is cheeky. But friends and I do the other stuff with each other all the time, it’s nice that we feel comfortable around each other that way. It makes no odds to me if a friend uses my shower because they’ve come for dinner via the gym, or wants to run the iron over their shirt if they’ve stayed over.

You say her house isn’t as comfortable as yours; does that mean you don’t go to hers very often and therefore it doesn’t feel very reciprocal? It sounds as though you’re close enough that you could ask to socialise at her place more often, if that’s what you’d like?

The beauty of a friend whose this comfy, is you easily can say "don't take the piss your cheeky cow" 😆 when she asks you to do her laundry, or tell her she needs to take a turn at buying provisions. You can also set them to work "empty the dishwasher for me, while I peg this lot out out".

I'd draw the line at doing her laundry and I'd expect her to contribute and bring drinks etc sometimes, if she's at yours much more than you're at hers, but guests who make themselves at home are the best sort. As PP says, you don't need to fuss after them.

Sounds like you need to make yourself (and your home) less available for your friend.
I cannot imagine any of my friends just whipping out my ironing board when they’ve popped in for a cuppa. Is she bringing her dirty washing to your house?
All very random!

letsnotIRL

I'd much rather friends feel comfortable than awkward or like a "guest". When friends are like this you don't need to host and it takes the stress out of it I think. With not so comfortable friends I always feel the need to ask, are you thirsty, shall I make food, do you want to sit in the sitting, help yourself to biscuits, are you too warm or cold, etc etc. Exhausting.
Me too- sounds lovely to me, but if you don’t like it then find a way not to have her over so much maybe

She's doing what you let her get away with.

You need to speak to her and start limiting the amount of time she is spending in your home.

I'd much rather friends feel comfortable than awkward or like a "guest". When friends are like this you don't need to host and it takes the stress out of it I think. With not so comfortable friends I always feel the need to ask, are you thirsty, shall I make food, do you want to sit in the sitting, help yourself to biscuits, are you too warm or cold, etc etc. Exhausting.

“asking if I am ‘popping a wash on’ and could include their sweaty running gear”

This is where I would have looked at her and said, Pardon? Don’t you have a washing machine?” I have done washing for my friends, when their own washing machine broke down, or when they were waiting for a new washing machine to be delivered, but in each occasion, I offered and they did not ask. It seems that you are allowing your friend to spend FAR too much time at your house - I think I’d be cutting down on how often I ask her round, or ensuring that I was busy/on my way out if she turned up uninvited.

How on earth does it get to this point, unless you have said 'help yoursef' so often that you've ended up giving her free reign. You are going to have to put boundaries in but difficult when you've let it come to this.

I think she's probably being a bit cheeky, but there's nothing there you couldn't say no to.

I have a freidbwho spends a lot more time at mine than we do at theirs, if I think it's all getting a bit much, I'll say "your turn to stock the beer fridge this week, or "no biscuits left of you want some you'd better get some".