AIBU to think my friend is too comfortable in my home?

I have a friend I'm very comfortable with. I show this by helping with tidying or food prep. I might get myself a drink from the selection that's usually out already. I might offer to make them a cup of tea.

I wouldn't suggest laundry or eat their biscuits or start getting stuff out of storage!

From the title I was expecting to say YABU because who wouldn't want close friends and family feeling comfy in their home.

But doing their ironing? Adding to your washer? Adding to the shopping list? It all sounds bizarre, why did they even have clothes that needed washing and ironing when they visited? I think its a bit CF but it'll only change if you set boundaries. You have to say no.

Oh and walk the dog yourself/ find someone else

How does he/ she know you're home?
Who lets her/ him in?

Takes two to tango....and so on...

If it bothers you, then yes, it’s too much.

I have only 4 close friends, that I consider like family so this would not bother me with them, one bit. But any other friends on the peripheral I wouldn’t like it.

Way too comfortable, I stopped letting a friend come round to mine too much when she commented that she didn’t buy any lunch items anymore as she knew I would provide….

I don't even behave like that in my parents or any other family member's home, let alone a friend's home!!

I had this happen to me too! But with a family member. They would expect me to pay for the ingredients for dinner (as it's my house), then after 2 months even asked if they could have a copy of the house key.

I once wanted to bring a guy I was seeing and they got really offended, as if to say I prefer him to him, and even said she could stay in a different room.

Beware of her having a housing emergency.

That is how users usually get to move in.
They have a housing emergency and are "desperate for somewhere" and they catch people out.

Don't be caught out.
Be ready with "No that wouldn't work for me".

Move your ironing board so that it’s not available to her. When she asks where it is say it’s broken and you needed your dad/partner to take a look at it.

No I’m not putting a wash on until next week now, you’ll have to do it at home.

Lock the garage door and misplace the key again so she can’t get at your cupboard stores.

Ignore her suggestions for extra garden furniture. Take no interest in her ideas for comfy lounging. Or, say …. Well you buy one for your garden and I’ll come round and test it out to see if I like it.

By the time you have tackled the above, she won’t dare ask where you have hidden the hair straighteners.

OP, there’s no need to fall out with her over this especially if you are a little bit to blame by your over-welcome, help-your-self-to-whatever-you-need hospitality style which she has taken literally.
Try little hints in isolation every now and again, such as above, and see if she gets the message. If you can’t wean her off her bad habit gradually in this way then you will have to get a bit tougher and have a serious chat asking her to help you get your electricity bill down by no longer ironing or using straighteners. And tell her you are no longer keeping extra drink stores in the garage except for the children.

Yikes, do you think she’ll ask to move in?

Do you want her round less often but because of the dog walker, she’s there too much?
or don’t you mind the time she’s there, but want more boundaries?

Op does pay her in cash.

Why do people comment without reading the op’s thread properly?

You can only make kind but frank comment right at the time.
Ideas ..
Is your washing machine broken?
No, please leave the outdoor fridge; that is out of bounds.

She is walking your dog so fair enough that she can get a cup of tea, water, toast and iron a shirt every now and again.

I would be uncomfortable with her using the washing machine and helping herself to food and drinks from your storage pantry and fridge.

Pay her for walking the dog in a more usual manner, like with cash.

It's a difficult one, I looked after a boy once for social services while his mum was in hospital. He became best friends with my ds,both 2. They lived opposite me. She would pop over,let herself in, asked to borrow my phone to ring her ex husband (landline in those days) then she asked if she could borrow my tumble dryer. She got maintenance from her ex H, I didn't, she eventually left herself in, brought black bags full of washing to dry, went to the phone said you don't mind if I use it I wasn't in a good place to challenge her by now,ex H tried to kill me, divorce was traumatic.When I moved, I really didn't want her to have my address, but this was my son's best friend of 10years.we moved again, and thankfully DS had new friends.

Edit - oops wrong OP!

I have a friend like this. I found it very irritating.

Things like helping themselves to garage supplies without asking etc.
She is also very loud, i sometimes tell her i can't take her anywhere. We differ on parenting styles. And while at mine, will jump in to parent my kids her style or give answers to questions they are asking me about their activities, our plans for the week that need decisions. She had no boundaries.

But, she is also the most loyal, supportive, caring friend.

• If she were in costco, she would buy me stuff like toilet roll or something in my garage supply she's noticed is running low. I don't have costco membership.
• She wants/expects me to be free like that at hers too.
• She was a very present and constant rock for me during my hortible separation from abusive husband.
• She is very practical help. Honestly, she will do anything for a friend. Large heart.

I tried telling her that I often felt steamrolled. I could make decisions for my family about my kids needs, rules, boundaries. I could decide what furniture my home needed and when to buy it.
She took it in but still continued. It is just her nature. When she started slagging off ex-h within DC's hearing and just ignored me when i told her the DC are home. That was the last straw.

It was too much for me. I pulled back from the friendship. And now we friendship in small doses.

In her mind, i have been moved from the bosom friend category and it has helped a lot with boundaries.

Having said that, if a good friend like she is with you, helping with dog-sitting, had come to mine and would be at mine for a few hours and their gym clothes were in a bag, if i were putting on a wash, i would offer to get it washed. Save it developing an odour and saving her some work when she got home.

I would suggest pulling back from the friendship.
Meet less often if you can (get another dog-sitter).
When you do meet (not for dog sitting), go to hers more.

I think that is a genius answer that could be used on many threads.

The fact that you pay her makes it worst, as you therefore dun’t ‘owe’ her anything. If it were free, then you could expect more give and take, and her spending time at your house could be in lieu of payment. But that’s not the case.

You need to start saying no, don’t be so available, and don’t feel guilty. You’re not doing anything wrong. If she turns up, just say it’s not convenient tonight. You don’t have to give a reason

I wondered that as well. Don’t let her. She’s already pushing boundaries and she doesn’t live there!

If she’s unhappy in her house share I wonder if she’s building up to asking if she can move in?

Your friend clearly has no boundaries so you need to set those. To do that you need to start the conversation and say there’s no drinks available in the garage, if she wants specific biscuits she must supply them, put your personal effects (hair straighteners etc) away, and perhaps when she irons her shirt you could tell her to do the rest of your ironing whilst she’s at it. Only you can put a stop to this entitlement.
It would seriously piss me off that someone was spending so much time at my home even if they were a good friend, there are limits to what anyone can endure and she is freeloading on your life in general.
Think about how she will be in the years ahead……..if her health declines will she expect you to supported her even more - I know that might be an extreme analogy but this person appears to have no filters in her behaviour.

I wouldn't like it as i like my own space so I would have more of an issue with her being there everyday. But If I was someone who didn't mind someone constantly being around then this stuff wouldn't bother me aslong as she tidied up after herself

Quite cheeky but i’d just tell them to grab the wash basket and get mine done if need to wash their stuff. Decline to buy the garden stuff.