To not want to go to my brothers party?

Even if you leave at 6 or 7pm it will still be light. Leave early next morning to get back. Cats will be fine!

The occasions that seem most daunting for whatever reason often turn out to be the best fun.
How would you feel if your family would’nt drive an hour to see you? Leave a heap of food, a scattering of Dreamies and a litter tray. Your cats won’t miss you one bit! Use it as an opportunity to overcome your driving fears. One day you may have your drive in the dusk/dark in an emergency so get practice while you can. Go and have fun!

Get a cat sitter

You can leave your cats overnight. I'm assuming they have a litter tray?

A “waste of petrol” to drive one hour there and back to celebrate your brother’s milestone birthday? If I were your parents or brother I’d be quite upset that’s your view.

Are you getting any support with your anxiety?

Might be something to look into if it’s preventing you from engaging in life events with family.

I think you need to contact your GP and request a counselling referral and maybe consider medication if you already don’t take anything.

This is your anxiety getting in the way. An hours’ drive is nothing, and in the summer you can easily leave at 830 and be home for 930 (beofr either gets dark) having spent 2-3hours there. The fact that this seems so daunting is what concerns me. I am wondering whether there will be non-family there (brother’s friends and work colleagues) that make this more anxiety inducing? If you have known anxiety, why not speak to your brother/family, explain you are going through a bad spell and maybe suggest coming during the day - you can see him/pass on a gift, help set up, make food etc and then head off as the party starts to warm up?

But I do think you should reach out to get some support via your GP.

Whatever you decide, do not describe it as a 'waste of petrol' to your family. That's a horrible thing to say!

Yes sorry brother you are not worth the petrol 😬

If you really can’t leave the cats overnight (they will be fine, they are cats) then the answer is to go and drive back before it gets dark (which gives you the perfect excuse not to have to stay too long). I agree with others that you should push yourself a bit here.

And maybe don’t use the ‘waste of petrol’ excuse either.

I mean cats isn’t a reason. If you don’t want to go don’t go but don’t use can’t leave my cats overnight as one. Nobody would believe it either.

Your cats can definitely be left alone.
And you’ll really look forward to seeing them when you get back. I

Me: I hate parties. I have severe social anxiety. I am autistic. I don’t like driving. I especially don’t like driving at night. I have cats.

Bonus, I have severe allergies that are often triggered simply by being around other people which makes attending events extra “fun”.

a big 30th birthday party is my idea of hell.

You should go to the party. Even if you just go for an hour.

Your cats can be left alone for a few hours, overnight, for 24 hours, or even at a push for 48 hours. They are cats. Leave them a big bowl of food and at least 2 water dishes in case one spills, plus a fresh litter tray and they will be fine. You can bring them back a treat and a new toy when you come back if you want.

This is a time in your life when you have the freedom to strengthen the bond with your sibling. Take advantage of this time. Life will get more complicated as you get older.

schedule yourself a day off after you return to rest and recover mentally. Since you know the outing is going to cause you stress, build in some time for self care after.

I sort of get what you are saying OP, but using the cats as an excuse isn't really on is it?
I have two indoor guinea pigs and once every three mnoths we travel to the mainland to visit family over night. I get worried about them as there is noone to look after them. We are away about 30 hours.They have an extra full hay rack, an extra water bottle [large], piggie museli and two baked nibble sticks.
When we come back, they are either sleeping or eatting. with the look 'have you been somewhere'? Always excited for a salad treat though.
Social anxiety is crippling but I think you really should try to make the effort though.

A waste of petrol! Thats an awful thing to say.

go celebrate your brothers birthday for a couple of hours for goodness sake.

Do you like your brother?

If you’re socially anxious, could you ask him if you could bring a friend along? Then you’ll have them to talk to, as well as family members who you’re presumably comfortable around. Drive, do a bit of light mingling, return home.

Ultimately this is how many people end up lonely and isolated: if you sack off key events like this, people begin to think that you just can’t be bothered with them or are lazy, and that upsets and offends them. They stop bothering to include you or keep in contact, and you end up with the cold shoulder at every turn. I imagine you’d be hurt if somebody you cared about said you were a waste of petrol?

They’re bloody cats ffs. If you want to stick two fingers up to your family then yeah, go ahead. Alternatively explain to your parents that you’re looking forward to it but a bit nervous about socialising and could they please stay with you at first while you get into the swing of it.

Wouldn’t your cats be sleeping overnight? I often leave mine with food, water and litter and just make sure I’m back in the morning.

Waste of petrol? That's a bit harsh.

Seems the crux is that you don't want to go. Don't blame the cats.

You can leave the cats alone for the night no issue. Food and water and a cat litter tray, they will be none the wiser.

And personally I think occasions like this are ones where you just get on with it. Sometimes I think this kind of focus on ‘self care’ or never doing something you don’t want to means that it’s too easy for people to stop pushing themselves slightly out of their comfort zones and use excuses. Maybe you will be a bit anxious, but it’s a couple of hours. Maybe you’ll have a good time. Maybe your family will be so happy you’ve made the effort that it will make you happy. Maybe you’ll feel proud of yourself after. Sometimes I don’t want to go places or do things but sometimes it’s important to other people that I care about that I do so.

This is your brother. Do you really want to miss this milestone?

I am a bit further on in life and can tell you that these significant family events start to dwindle away before you know it. Or rather, they get replaced by funerals and then people really do start to go their separate ways.

He will probably say it’s fine, but at the end of the day you won’t be there.

You are being so unreasonable I can't quite believe what I am reading!

An hour is absolutely nothing and the whole point of having cats rather than dogs is that you CAN leave them.
If I was your brother and you didn't come to my birthday because of your cats, I'd be so hurt!!!

There are lots of small animal pet sitters round me, you pay a small fee for them to feed your cats in the evening and let them out in the morning. Mine also looks after my house, brings in the post etc while we are on longer trips which gives me peace of mind. You do need to make sure they are legit and also insured.
Is that an option as it would be a lot cheaper and mean you could worry less?