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Original poster

To not want to go to my brothers party?

163 replies

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:33

My brother is having a 30th birthday party next weekend. I live in greater manchester and the party is an hour away because that’s where he lives. I said at first that I would go even though I felt uneasy about it inside. Now that it’s getting closer to the date I really want to say I can’t make it. I have two cats and I don’t want to leave them alone, I don’t have anyone at all who can look after them and it means I would have to get a taxi there and back, which I can’t afford. Or drive there, stay with my parents or brother, and drive back the day after. But I can’t leave my cats that long, I don’t want to leave them over night. I feel anxious about telling him because it sounds like a pathetic reason but I’m not going to enjoy the evening because I’m going to be worrying all night. Please tell me if it would make me unreasonable to not go?

OP posts:
2chocolateoranges · 03/05/2025 20:31

We bought an automatic cat feeder and have left our cat overnight before, we fed it before we left at 4pm and the feeder fed it at midnight and then again at 7am and we wer home at lunch time. She was perfectly fine and probably didn’t give a shit we weren’t there,

I wouldn’t miss an important family event.

PinkyFlamingo · 03/05/2025 20:22

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

A waste of petrol? To go to your brother's party...nice. 🙄

Newusername3kidss · 03/05/2025 20:17

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

A “waste of petrol” - jeez you don’t like your brother much do you.

It’s a ridiculous excuse - we have cats and when we go away a friend pops into feed them and they are absolutely fine. They can survive for a day / night on their own. You obviously just don’t want to go .

arcticpandas · 03/05/2025 20:12

Your cats will be fine. You are just making up excuses to not attend. Do you like your family? Are you close? Can you tell a family member about your anxiety so that person can support you? I think you should go because it would be a shame if you let your anxiety win.

Communitywebbing · 03/05/2025 19:58

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

If you are too anxious to drive then you can say so, but don’t say it’s not worth driving to your brother’s party!

Jesswebster01 · 03/05/2025 19:09

Just go it's like your making up every excuse not to and they arent good ones either. He's asked you to go and you are thinking of any reason not to just make the effort its a few hours

SuperSange · 02/05/2025 19:04

I’d crack on and do what you like, just don’t expect a relationship with your brother after it. I’d be so hurt if you gave cats and patrol as an excuse.

crazeekat · 02/05/2025 17:58

Sorry but u have an excuse for everything. U don’t want to go. And that’s fine. Just say that and be done.

Lorlorlorikeet · 02/05/2025 17:50

Don’t blame the cats. It’s clearly not about the cats.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 02/05/2025 17:29

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

You don't really want to go, clearly. None of the reasons you're giving are in anyway valid compared to a 30th birthday. Are you close to/do you like your brother?

Viviennemary · 02/05/2025 17:25

You are being ridiculous. Why can't your cats be left. If you don't want to go fair enough but don't use your cats as an excuse.

WayneEyre · 02/05/2025 17:25

You can do this OP. Cats will be fine over night or you can drive an hour each way. That's not a huge distance and you can do most of it while it's light. Mine are fine for the occasional night, I just leave extra food. You can get a cat sitter though. I'm sure you'll be really proud of yourself if if you do make it happen.

Toddlerteaplease · 02/05/2025 17:23

I’d feed my cats before leaving in the late afternoon. They’ll be fine overnight.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 02/05/2025 17:21

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

You do realise this is a normal commute for many people?

You are allowing your anxiety to hugely restrict your life. The cats will be asleep for 90% of the time you are away. If you even stay away.

MimiGC · 02/05/2025 17:12

You can definitely leave cats alone overnight. We do. They have plenty of food and water, but they rarely eat all the food. I think they sleep pretty much most of the time we’re away. They’re perfectly fine.

UnstableCow · 02/05/2025 17:11

If you were my sibling and said you couldn’t come because it would be a waste of petrol or that you couldn’t leave your cats, I would never bother with you again.

Sometimes you just have to push yourself a tiny bit, and this is one of those times.

Arancia · 02/05/2025 17:10

Cheekandtongue · 02/05/2025 15:41

Sorry I have really bad anxiety issues and I don’t like driving alone at night. I suppose if it is still light enough I would be ok but seems like a waste of petrol to just drive an hour away for a couple of hours just to drive another hour home

It's for your BROTHER. It's really not normal to prioritise cats over your actual sibling. You sound like a terrible and self-absorbed sister...you have one lame excuse after another to not attend your brother's 30th birthday.

JLou08 · 02/05/2025 17:01

YABU. A siblings birthday party is a pretty special event. I cam get anxious around socialising and often avoid parties but I would push through for this. It can't really be about the cats, cats will be perfectly fine alone for a night.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 02/05/2025 16:51

It just sounds a bit like you just don't want to go.
cats?
petrol waste?
darkness?
🤔

Teenagerantruns · 02/05/2025 16:51

I always left my cats overnight in this sort of situation, dry food down, cat tray clean, leave afternoon back next morning, they didn't seem to care. Anything up to 24 hours they were fine. They were indoor cats though so no danger of them getting into trouble outside. I would be really pissed off if my sibling didn't come to my party because of cats which basically sleep most of day.

NeedToChangeName · 02/05/2025 16:45

With relationships, you get out what you put in

I'd feel snubbed if a sibling didn't attend my 30th

VictoriaEra2 · 02/05/2025 16:42

doodleschnoodle · 02/05/2025 15:47

And personally I think occasions like this are ones where you just get on with it. Sometimes I think this kind of focus on ‘self care’ or never doing something you don’t want to means that it’s too easy for people to stop pushing themselves slightly out of their comfort zones and use excuses. Maybe you will be a bit anxious, but it’s a couple of hours. Maybe you’ll have a good time. Maybe your family will be so happy you’ve made the effort that it will make you happy. Maybe you’ll feel proud of yourself after. Sometimes I don’t want to go places or do things but sometimes it’s important to other people that I care about that I do so.

This is a really good answer.

SallyWD · 02/05/2025 16:39

I'm obsessed with cats and treat my cat like a king but it's fine to leave them overnight! You have two so they'll keep each other company. Leave lots of food and they'll be fine. You can't never go away because of pets. What a limited life.

TimeForABreak4 · 02/05/2025 16:39

Yabu and using the excuse of your cats not to go. I don't think it would be nice to not go to your siblings 30th when it's only an hour away.

lizzyBennet08 · 02/05/2025 16:35

Honestly I think it sounds like life is going to pass you by if you’re not careful.

you don’t want to leave your cats. Don’t want to drive at night etc.
it’s your brothers significant birthday I think you should
go.