Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

688 replies

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:08

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

OP posts:
thisisplanetearthapparently · 03/05/2025 06:16

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

Who played the teacher?

BlondiePortz · 03/05/2025 03:29

Tandora · 03/05/2025 02:45

Why can’t people just admit when they are wrong?

Teacher’s behaviour was misogynistic and sexually aggressive

OP had every right to complain

School should not have dismissed the complaint

They have since acknowledged that and apologised

Teacher should not lose his job or career over one (albeit appalling) drunk comment. But he should be spoken to and hopefully that will be a very embarrassing lesson for him and the last time he makes unsolicited comments like that to a school parent (or any woman for that matter).

All these points are common sense.

The reaction to OP’s threads has been mumsnet at its worst.

Edited

And what the op is doing is beneficial to whom exactly?

I would say they are doing it all calmy and rationally but I can't bring myself too

Kalikaa · 03/05/2025 02:57

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:16

For anyone unsure on the voting:

YABU - the school should have responded more strongly.

YANBU - it’s a reasonable outcome.

I went with the classic meaning of the votes - YOU were being unreasonable

Tandora · 03/05/2025 02:45

Why can’t people just admit when they are wrong?

Teacher’s behaviour was misogynistic and sexually aggressive

OP had every right to complain

School should not have dismissed the complaint

They have since acknowledged that and apologised

Teacher should not lose his job or career over one (albeit appalling) drunk comment. But he should be spoken to and hopefully that will be a very embarrassing lesson for him and the last time he makes unsolicited comments like that to a school parent (or any woman for that matter).

All these points are common sense.

The reaction to OP’s threads has been mumsnet at its worst.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 02:30

WigglywagglyWanda · 03/05/2025 01:25

It is

And we had a great laugh today. Which op didn't like. Much more fun for him/her yesterday seeing people tearing themselves apart reliving their experiences while they thought it was real.

I'm glad we turned it around today and took the piss out of Hyacinth, she certainly got us riled up before we caught on to her.....or him....allegedly posting shite

She's lucky she got away with it Mumsnet normally deletes threads like these.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 03/05/2025 02:25

SophEll · 02/05/2025 22:51

I think you need to Google the term ‘unreserved apology’..

.

MrsEverest · 03/05/2025 01:29

😂😂 literally taken from the ‘how to make difficult people go away’ ’ handbook.

Nobody of normal intelligence could see this as anything other than a pat on the head surely?

WigglywagglyWanda · 03/05/2025 01:25

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/05/2025 23:56

28 posts from the Op on what was supposed to be an update to her complaint i.e. a final thread.

Having read them, I am convinced the whole thing is a wind up.

It is

And we had a great laugh today. Which op didn't like. Much more fun for him/her yesterday seeing people tearing themselves apart reliving their experiences while they thought it was real.

I'm glad we turned it around today and took the piss out of Hyacinth, she certainly got us riled up before we caught on to her.....or him....allegedly posting shite

ARealitycheck · 03/05/2025 00:37

GustyBaloo · 02/05/2025 16:23

I have to jump in here.

Arab Strap is a band.

The song is about Belle and Sebastian's singers girlfriend cheating on him.

You were laid on your back with the boy from the Arab Strap.

I love B&S, but Arab Strap were signed to one of my favourite bands - The Delgados label.

I was more torn than wondering desk or face!! 🤣

I'm such a nerd.

I miss Delgados. Baby Rocky is 16 now and it turned out to be a girl 🤣

You crazy Scottish folk, making anthems from shagging and cheating and lying.
You could almost start your own thread!

Thanks for that, I was convinced for years I was mishearing the lyrics thinking it was 'the boy with the arab strap'. Us Scots don't hold a grudge (well unless you are English) we just sing songs exposing your treachery. 😂

randomchap · 03/05/2025 00:15

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

Is this whole thing roleplay?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 02/05/2025 23:56

28 posts from the Op on what was supposed to be an update to her complaint i.e. a final thread.

Having read them, I am convinced the whole thing is a wind up.

Tooearlytothink · 02/05/2025 23:48

araiwa · 02/05/2025 13:11

Tldr

"What can we say to get rid of her"

Absolutely this

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 23:15

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

The only one with anger issues is you

You're a very dangerous person - either a clever troll or genuinely an insane crusader

And making those jokes is disgusting after all the trauma you've dredged up for people

Teanbiscuits33 · 02/05/2025 23:13

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

Troll or not, you need your head checked either way 🤣

centralcasting · 02/05/2025 23:12

From outraged to revelling in innuendo, several updates too far

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

OP posts:
HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 23:11

The laugh reacts don't make you look saner

I'm assuming everyone's getting them?

fattytoadboy · 02/05/2025 23:06

What is it that you think you’ve won op? He hasn’t been sacked, nothing will happen. They have told you what you want to hear to make you go away.

The fact that you’ve cracked open a bottle in celebration of this non victory is tragic. Do you really have nothing better to worry about or celebrate in life?

And if by some miracle the powers than be did decide to pursue it all they’d need to do is look at this thread and they’d see how obvious it is that this is just one big game, not a genuine concern. You’re not that bothered about the incident itself, it’s just about feeling important and getting one over on the man.

Teanbiscuits33 · 02/05/2025 23:06

SophEll · 02/05/2025 22:53

It was only ever about justice. Justice for those who have had their complaint wrongly dismissed. And you know what, I won.

Give yourself a pat on the back, OP. I can just imagine you as a small child. I WIIIIIN! NER NER NER NER NER!!! 🤣🤣 absolutely pathetic that you’re so emotionally immature.

You’re giving Donald Trump vibes. Throwing toys out of the pram when you think you’ve been slighted, going on a vendetta for JUSTICE!!, thinking you’ve won when you receive a pacifying email that means precisely zilch, and then declaring you’ve won, no matter how obvious it is that you haven’t, you’re covering your ears. Cringing for you.

And to top it off, you’re now suddenly flattered that some pissed up perv tried chatting you up as if every single breathing woman has never had a similar experience.

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 02/05/2025 23:04

It's not normal to gloat this much about being proved right. Are you feeling okay?

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 23:02

SophEll · 02/05/2025 22:53

It was only ever about justice. Justice for those who have had their complaint wrongly dismissed. And you know what, I won.

You haven't won

You've been fobbed off

You've also decided to conflate this issue with quite a serious one which is appalling

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 23:00

SophEll · 02/05/2025 22:51

I think you need to Google the term ‘unreserved apology’..

I think you need to Google "shit to say to shut customers up who are being pissy"

Moonlightdust · 02/05/2025 22:58

Ok being just and humble can go hand in hand.

HuffleMyPuffle · 02/05/2025 22:55

OakleyAnnie · 02/05/2025 22:42

This is the most astonishing thread. The vitriol and hatred aimed at the OP. She’s wound you all up something rotten. Why? Because you find her annoying? You think she’s a troll? You think she was wrong to make a complaint?
Either the anger-mongers are men’s rights activists or you’re regular Mumsnet who have just allowed yourselves to become incensed to the point of fury. Generally I find mumsnet supportive of women, especially if they’ve been subject to shitty male behaviour. But for some reason loads of pp are calling the OP a lunatic because she’s what? Made a complaint about someone. Some pp have even accused her of making him lose his job. But surely if he does get disciplined in any way that’s, you know, his fault. How can it possibly be her fault for speaking out? Have you all gone barking mad?

And you do realise she’s massively taking the piss of those in a rage.

OP is:

Making a mockery of sexual assault by just wanting an apology for how it was dealt with and not the actual incident

Making offensive and ridiculous jokes about what happened

Exaggerating a pervy comment into a a while sexual assault and incident

Stalking the teacher and the CoG on social media

And BTW calling people who disagree with you MRAs is just insulting

And no one is "incensed to the point of fury"

RampantIvy · 02/05/2025 22:55

But you aren't being very gracious about your "win" are you?