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Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

688 replies

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:08

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

OP posts:
ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 10:33

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 10:32

Apologies. I misread.

Please don’t go to the Minster of Education about me…

Too late! I've emailed Bridget Philipson!

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 10:32

ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 10:07

I think you have the wrong poster. I am not supporting the actions of the OP.

Apologies. I misread.

Please don’t go to the Minster of Education about me…

Tiswa · 03/05/2025 10:32

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2025 10:19

Exactly
As a Governor I can pretty much guarantee none of this has happened.
We only deal with actual emergencies this quickly

That said I imagine schools do have a list of parents that need treating with care and handled in a certain way. If true my suspicion is that because she was a past parent the first email didn’t flag up - once the governor sent it on the headteacher recognised the name and handled it from there

Tiswa · 03/05/2025 10:30

SophEll · 03/05/2025 10:10

The morning after the day/night before and I’ve still got that triumphant feeling.

Also feeling a little sore (the champers before any asks, you dirty buggers!)

Not read back - are the usual suspects still whinging?

Triumphant about what though? I still don’t get (and yes I have read all your posts since the beginning) first off what you wanted and second what you actually have achieved.

is it that you spoke to the person in charge (Headteacher) because your real issue was that when you complained you simply got some lower level staff member response when what you wanted was the person at the top?

crimsonlake · 03/05/2025 10:22

OP, this is no victory and you have not come out as a winner. The cost of winning was so high to you that the win itself is hollow.

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2025 10:20

SophEll · 03/05/2025 10:10

The morning after the day/night before and I’ve still got that triumphant feeling.

Also feeling a little sore (the champers before any asks, you dirty buggers!)

Not read back - are the usual suspects still whinging?

Literally nobody asked or cares

Hoppinggreen · 03/05/2025 10:19

CatsMagic · 02/05/2025 19:51

I used to be a school Governor, and spent a while as deputy chair and I think the OP is spinning us all a tall tale with regards to the outcome - there is no way that this would have been handled this swiftly by the Governors , or the unreserved apology given from the head for the situation/circumstances described.

Exactly
As a Governor I can pretty much guarantee none of this has happened.
We only deal with actual emergencies this quickly

Elasticatedtrousers · 03/05/2025 10:15

This is beginning to feel more like a desire to be schmoozed and having a professional ‘squirm’ than the original complaint especially since the misguided jokey comments about her husband and their ‘role play’. Truth is this is exactly the line a HT and Govs would say and then laugh hysterically at her.

This is clearly all about her ego and sense of self importance, this thread is feeding the beast.

Longma · 03/05/2025 10:15

You’re very easily fobbed off aren’t you?!
Are you actually this naive in real life?

HuffleMyPuffle · 03/05/2025 10:13

SophEll · 03/05/2025 10:10

The morning after the day/night before and I’ve still got that triumphant feeling.

Also feeling a little sore (the champers before any asks, you dirty buggers!)

Not read back - are the usual suspects still whinging?

We are all busy just taking the mick out of your ridiculousness

Have you told your friend about your great victory yet?

SophEll · 03/05/2025 10:10

The morning after the day/night before and I’ve still got that triumphant feeling.

Also feeling a little sore (the champers before any asks, you dirty buggers!)

Not read back - are the usual suspects still whinging?

OP posts:
ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 10:07

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 09:41

Who have quite clearly fobbed her off because a drunken comment in a club to another adult outside of working hours is not a matter for the chair of governors!

Do you honestly think the op’s gloating and blatant trolling is sane behaviour? People have had more sympathy and understanding had she been genuine in her concern but her who crusade has been about ‘winning’ and getting recognition from the school which she now wrongly believes she’s got.

The memes, the roleplay, the smugness, the champagne…this isn’t the behaviour of someone who is genuinely distressed.

I think you have the wrong poster. I am not supporting the actions of the OP.

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 09:41

ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 09:10

Meanwhile reporting a teacher to his management team and Chair of Governors.

Who have quite clearly fobbed her off because a drunken comment in a club to another adult outside of working hours is not a matter for the chair of governors!

Do you honestly think the op’s gloating and blatant trolling is sane behaviour? People have had more sympathy and understanding had she been genuine in her concern but her who crusade has been about ‘winning’ and getting recognition from the school which she now wrongly believes she’s got.

The memes, the roleplay, the smugness, the champagne…this isn’t the behaviour of someone who is genuinely distressed.

ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 09:34

Superhansrantowindsor · 03/05/2025 09:33

I’m fairly confident they haven’t even ‘had a word’ with the bloke.

Me too. It's just a classic way to deal with somebody potentially troublesome.

Superhansrantowindsor · 03/05/2025 09:33

I’m fairly confident they haven’t even ‘had a word’ with the bloke.

Longma · 03/05/2025 09:31

turningpoints · 02/05/2025 20:39

Also, for all the people weirdly outraged that OP complained ...

If your husband was a teacher, who went out to a bar, approached a woman who he knew full well was a mum of a child he used to teach in a school he still worked at in order to tell her (totally unsolicited) that he used to fantasise about bending her over his desk to fuck her.....

Would you still be laughing?

Well no. Of course I wouldn’t be happy. I would be appalled at my husband and would deal with it at home between us.

But that’s not what we are discussing here. We are talking about when and if it’s appropriate to involve someone’s employer in their disputes.

i asked, as have others, which other employers the OP would complain to but the OP has not responded to these types of questions.

So, if a man you vaguely know (but no longer have contact with in any form of progressional capacity) makes an inappropriate comment to you in a club (outside of their workplace) which employers would you consider making a complaint to?

TaupeMember · 03/05/2025 09:14

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:16

For anyone unsure on the voting:

YABU - the school should have responded more strongly.

YANBU - it’s a reasonable outcome.

This isn't what I voted yabu for!

And you suddenly adding that, so each option is basically agreeing with you is a final piece of evidence (as if needed) that you are obsessed with what you perceive as winning and likely psychopathic.

Disturbing and very very sad!

ScarlettOYara · 03/05/2025 09:10

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 09:09

Ahh the old low standards comment, always rolled out when someone wants to feel superior against those who disagree with them.

Not one person on 3 threads has excused the man’s behaviour. It was inappropriate and wrong. However the ops behaviour is worse. She has shown on this thread in particular how it’s just a big joke to her, complaining one minute, flattered and having roleplay the next.

Meanwhile reporting a teacher to his management team and Chair of Governors.

fattytoadboy · 03/05/2025 09:09

turningpoints · 03/05/2025 07:42

This!

Whether OP is real or a troll, she's certainly showed up the very worst of women on MN and how tragically low their expectations of men are. It's been an eye-opener in that sense.

Ahh the old low standards comment, always rolled out when someone wants to feel superior against those who disagree with them.

Not one person on 3 threads has excused the man’s behaviour. It was inappropriate and wrong. However the ops behaviour is worse. She has shown on this thread in particular how it’s just a big joke to her, complaining one minute, flattered and having roleplay the next.

CellophaneFlower · 03/05/2025 07:59

Tandora · 03/05/2025 02:45

Why can’t people just admit when they are wrong?

Teacher’s behaviour was misogynistic and sexually aggressive

OP had every right to complain

School should not have dismissed the complaint

They have since acknowledged that and apologised

Teacher should not lose his job or career over one (albeit appalling) drunk comment. But he should be spoken to and hopefully that will be a very embarrassing lesson for him and the last time he makes unsolicited comments like that to a school parent (or any woman for that matter).

All these points are common sense.

The reaction to OP’s threads has been mumsnet at its worst.

Edited

What is common sense is that this entire incident was fabricated and the OP is a very bored, sadistic individual.

We've experienced how easy it is for a man to be wrongly labelled a paedophile and rape has been minimalised throughout this thread.

Yes, mumsnet at it's worst for sure, but NOT from the majority of the posters here.

ChristmaslightsuptilJanuary · 03/05/2025 07:50

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

Wonder who was the dom? 😬

ProudSquid · 03/05/2025 07:47

Bunny boiler

Cherrytree86 · 03/05/2025 07:45

SophEll · 02/05/2025 23:11

Right ladies, that’s enough entertainment. You’ve been great fun, but there’s a lent of pent up anger amongst you. Whatever has caused that, I genuinely wish you well.

I’m off to bed via our home office - DH has talked me into that roleplay 😉

Ewwww
@SophEll

turningpoints · 03/05/2025 07:42

Tandora · 03/05/2025 02:45

Why can’t people just admit when they are wrong?

Teacher’s behaviour was misogynistic and sexually aggressive

OP had every right to complain

School should not have dismissed the complaint

They have since acknowledged that and apologised

Teacher should not lose his job or career over one (albeit appalling) drunk comment. But he should be spoken to and hopefully that will be a very embarrassing lesson for him and the last time he makes unsolicited comments like that to a school parent (or any woman for that matter).

All these points are common sense.

The reaction to OP’s threads has been mumsnet at its worst.

Edited

This!

Whether OP is real or a troll, she's certainly showed up the very worst of women on MN and how tragically low their expectations of men are. It's been an eye-opener in that sense.

SkepticalC · 03/05/2025 06:29

Wow this is cringy.