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Original poster

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher - Final Update

688 replies

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:08

Well, well, well. I’ve had a very lengthy and interesting phone call from the Headteacher (HT) handling my complaint.

I now consider the matter resolved, I’m sure you are wondering what was said and I’ve done my best to summarise below:

-My initial complaint WAS wrongly dismissed without investigation - as the comments made related to a school interaction.

-The HT has offered me an unreserved apology on behalf of the school for the handling of my initial complaint which I have gratefully accepted, as long as it’s also offered in writing (which I’m assured it will be).

-I’m told the Chair was most unimpressed to learn of my experience when complaining and an urgent review of their complaints procedure has been ordered. The HT tells me that they’ll ensure appropriate oversight is put in place moving forward and was extremely grateful for me bringing this to their attention.

-As previously noted, they cannot share the outcome of the investigation into my concerns about the interaction I had, which is perfectly understandable. Yes, I know he’ll get a slap on the wrist at best and should be suitably embarrassed, but that should be sufficient to prevent someone else going through what I did.

The term ‘tail between legs’ comes to mind for certain posters on here - I await your apologies with bated breath!

Thanks for those who’ve offered constructive suggestions on how to proceed, this outcome is a victory for anyone who has ever had a complaint wrongly dismissed.

I’ve also thanked my DH, whilst initially sceptical his support in emailing the Chair made all the difference. I have the utmost respect for how the Chair and HT handled this so promptly.

I feel as though I can now put the whole sorry saga behind me and move forward (I’ll probably give that bar a miss in the future mind you!)

I’ve told DH to put the champagne on ice!

OP posts:
HRTQueen · 02/05/2025 14:07

glad to hear this op

its now on record if there are other such complaints. Its not just to shut her up 🙄more internalised misogyny

We should not be accepting such misogynistic behaviour from men and laughing it off as silly drunk antics

cardibach · 02/05/2025 14:05

Maray1967 · 02/05/2025 13:49

It’s frankly very concerning that many posters seem to think it’s fine for a teacher to talk to a parent like this about what he was wishing he could do to her at parents’ evening.

In HE we occasionally have to deal with students’ parents. If one of my team started talking about what he wanted to do to one of them the rest of us would be appalled.

Show quote history

Where has anyone, on any of the threads, said that what he said was fine?
He was a dick. The op is still unreasonable.

Ilikeadrink14 · 02/05/2025 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

My thoughts exactly! What an appalling woman! Let’s hope Karma kicks in!

GeneralPeter · 02/05/2025 14:04

Dangermoo · 02/05/2025 13:51

Fire fighters, police officers and paramedics, you can bet your life, have behaved similarly on nights out. Should they all be sacked? Should we lose more public sector workers due to throw away chat up lines?

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Should they be sacked for a first offence? Probably not. But the overwhelming tenor of this thread has been that OP is being ridiculous and vindictive for complaining, and that the behaviour is acceptable (mostly either because it happened off-premises, or because she no longer has a child at the school).

I don't know firefighting, police or paramedic worlds well. If a policeman/ fireman/paramedic spotted a women he knew through work and went up unbidden and said that to her, would that generally be considered acceptable?

I don't understand your economic argument. You aren't surely suggesting that the acceptability depends on how important the man is to his job? (I'm sure that does often happen in practice, but are you saying that it should do?)

SnoozingFox · 02/05/2025 14:03

Jeez Louise. OP you seriously need a hobby.

ForIcyAzureDreamer · 02/05/2025 14:02

FMc208 · 02/05/2025 13:16

This isn’t real 😂 I am cringing so hard at you totally misinterpreting the whole situation and thinking you’ve ‘won’ 😂 you’re an embarrassment OP.

Edited

Yeah, just what I was about to say. OP won't be embarassed though, she has little/no capacity for self reflection. Meanwhile, the whole school will be laughing at how they managed to get rid of another crazy!

FrippEnos · 02/05/2025 14:01

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:16

For anyone unsure on the voting:

YABU - the school should have responded more strongly.

YANBU - it’s a reasonable outcome.

Nope, You are still being unreasonable.

Also, you have over egged this.
3 Days to sort this out fully in a school setting!

You are on glue.

randomchap · 02/05/2025 14:00

One thing is for certain. Next time he sees you, he'll not be thinking about bending you over a desk. He'll probably probably just laugh at you

GustyBaloo · 02/05/2025 14:00

JamieCannister · 02/05/2025 13:55

This. I am shocked at the MN consensus.

A teacher chatting up a parent - fine.

A teacher chatting up a parent using overtly sexual language regarding what he wants to do, or rather using overtly sexual language before knowing if OP was interested - not fine

Referring back to his previous inappropriate sexual thoughts in his place of work when she was forced to be there in order to be a good parent - really bad

How is this not worse than if a man writes to a TV presenter saying he imagines giving her a good rogering on set every time he watches her. If a man posted on here saying he writes to celebs telling them he thinks about sex with them at their place of work he'd be DESTROYED. Why is a woman at a club (who has shown no interest) not the same?

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2000+ posts and you think women are aren't understanding the issue?

Understanding all too well.

We can spot bullshitters a mile off. Especially when they forget which sexual innuendo was forced upon them. Was is the desk? Was it the face?
Women... When feeling genuinely threatened and have a genuine grievance tend not to forget such details.

LondonNootropics · 02/05/2025 14:00

@SophEll you sound like a right twat.

5128gap · 02/05/2025 13:59

ARealitycheck · 02/05/2025 13:16

Read between the lines. They have told you what you wanted to hear to shut you up.

The teacher isn't embarassed, the entire school staff will be laughing at you behind your back and trying to avoid you as you are clearly incredibly vindictive with far too much time on your hands.

You're an adult, both males and females make stupid, crass and inappropriate remarks while drinking. Especially in nightclubs. Can't handle a one off remark with no follow up, stay at home.

Why would the OP care if a bunch of immature half wits find this funny? Tbh I think you do teachers a disservice tarring them all with the same brush. I know several excellent teachers who wouldn't behave like this man or find the situation funny.

Hoppinggreen · 02/05/2025 13:59

Maray1967 · 02/05/2025 13:49

It’s frankly very concerning that many posters seem to think it’s fine for a teacher to talk to a parent like this about what he was wishing he could do to her at parents’ evening.

In HE we occasionally have to deal with students’ parents. If one of my team started talking about what he wanted to do to one of them the rest of us would be appalled.

Show quote history

She isn't a Parent from the school now

Holdonforsummer · 02/05/2025 13:59

Smuggest post I’ve read on MN for a long time! 😂

Mrsttcno1 · 02/05/2025 13:58

JamieCannister · 02/05/2025 13:55

This. I am shocked at the MN consensus.

A teacher chatting up a parent - fine.

A teacher chatting up a parent using overtly sexual language regarding what he wants to do, or rather using overtly sexual language before knowing if OP was interested - not fine

Referring back to his previous inappropriate sexual thoughts in his place of work when she was forced to be there in order to be a good parent - really bad

How is this not worse than if a man writes to a TV presenter saying he imagines giving her a good rogering on set every time he watches her. If a man posted on here saying he writes to celebs telling them he thinks about sex with them at their place of work he'd be DESTROYED. Why is a woman at a club (who has shown no interest) not the same?

Show quote history

eee get a grip honestly, go for a walk, have a glass of wine babe

MammaTo · 02/05/2025 13:57

What a sad little life Jane.

Mrsttcno1 · 02/05/2025 13:57

GeneralPeter · 02/05/2025 13:48

I'm being entirely genuine. I know three professional worlds well, with many years of experience across them, across many teams. All three are traditionally male-heavy sectors. In not one of them would saying this unbidden to a (current or former) work contact be acceptable, on premises or off, and in none of them would a woman who complained be ridiculed as a delusional timewaster.

Obviously I don't know all professions, and I get standards differ. I just surprised that it's like this in teaching.

What sectors do you know well, and is this sort of thing acceptable there?

Edited
Show quote history

I currently work across most sectors as part of a diverse role, in none of them would management be the slightest bit arsed about this.

A comment made off duty, off site, with someone you currently have no professional relationship with whatsoever, in a bar. Not work related, not their business. Flirting isn’t a crime & although this was a very clumsy attempt as it, that is all it was.

We all go home/leave work and do things that we wouldn’t do in a work environment, have sex, drink alcohol, swear etc, it’s not a work issue.

ItGhoul · 02/05/2025 13:56

SophEll · 02/05/2025 13:16

For anyone unsure on the voting:

YABU - the school should have responded more strongly.

YANBU - it’s a reasonable outcome.

No option for ‘This entire thing is fucking insane and should never have been a complaint in the first place, let alone three threads on Mumsnet’ then

SlagPit · 02/05/2025 13:56

gattocattivo · 02/05/2025 13:27

There wont be a slap on the wrist, they’ll all be laughing their tits off at you while thinking you need to get a hobby, a job or better still, a life

This. Good grief. It smacks of Roxanne Pallett wailing to anyone who'd listen that she'd been beaten up in the Big Brother house.

heroinechic · 02/05/2025 13:56

It sounds like they’ve taken this matter really seriously and given it a whole 24 hours of thought and investigation 😂

Ihopeithinkiknow · 02/05/2025 13:56

Yay well done OP you won in the end didn’t you?

Reminds me of when my son was little and went around telling everyone he had won a kitkat lol bless him it was a vending machine but he was over the moon thinking he had genuinely won it haha

JamieCannister · 02/05/2025 13:55

Maray1967 · 02/05/2025 13:21

I don’t want my DC to be taught by someone who talks about sexual fantasies he had involving seeing mums at parents’ evening.

He needs to realise that teaching involves a level of responsibility outside working hours.

Hopefully he will learn from this. But he might be an arrogant dick who should not be in a classroom at all.

Show quote history

This. I am shocked at the MN consensus.

A teacher chatting up a parent - fine.

A teacher chatting up a parent using overtly sexual language regarding what he wants to do, or rather using overtly sexual language before knowing if OP was interested - not fine

Referring back to his previous inappropriate sexual thoughts in his place of work when she was forced to be there in order to be a good parent - really bad

How is this not worse than if a man writes to a TV presenter saying he imagines giving her a good rogering on set every time he watches her. If a man posted on here saying he writes to celebs telling them he thinks about sex with them at their place of work he'd be DESTROYED. Why is a woman at a club (who has shown no interest) not the same?

DappledThings · 02/05/2025 13:54

Maray1967 · 02/05/2025 13:49

It’s frankly very concerning that many posters seem to think it’s fine for a teacher to talk to a parent like this about what he was wishing he could do to her at parents’ evening.

In HE we occasionally have to deal with students’ parents. If one of my team started talking about what he wanted to do to one of them the rest of us would be appalled.

Show quote history

Well yes, if one of your team started talking like that in your workplace about a current parent that would be appalling and correctly something to be addressed with that individual. But that's not what happened here.

He said something pretty unpleasant and inappropriate to someone now entirely unconnected with his workplace entirely outside his workplace. Very different.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/05/2025 13:54

Head's probably read through MN last night thinking 'fuck's sake, I've got more important things to be doing than pandering to this idiot. Right, what meaningless shit does she want me to say to make her go away? OK, let's get this done first thing' and hasn't/won't even mention it to the teacher that's been accused when it could just as easily be countered with a 'haven't a clue what she's on about/wasn't even out/she was very drunk and propositioned me so I made my excuses and left/I was out with my boyfriend'.

Justonemorecoffeeplease · 02/05/2025 13:53

Maray1967 · 02/05/2025 13:49

It’s frankly very concerning that many posters seem to think it’s fine for a teacher to talk to a parent like this about what he was wishing he could do to her at parents’ evening.

In HE we occasionally have to deal with students’ parents. If one of my team started talking about what he wanted to do to one of them the rest of us would be appalled.

Show quote history

But my understanding is it was in a club years later..
I'm not condoning his pervy statement but really you'd expect someone to be reprimanded professionally years down the line from having any dealings in school with said individual so therefore not really relevant.

Tesco driver called me a ginger curly haired twat once when he got the rage at me. Thought he was a prick but wouldn't then call up a new employer if I saw him again...

Hoppinggreen · 02/05/2025 13:53

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/05/2025 13:34

Sounds nothing has actually happened apart from wasting a few people's time. What a strange obsession.

BUT SHE WON!!!!!!!!!