To want fiance to get rid of his cats

This is a slightly more valid reason for rehoming an animal — when they are unhappy. You also took the responsibility to find the cat a loving home within your family. Not the same thing as ‘getting rid’ of an inconvenient pet or two.

Do you have room outside to create a catio, where the cats could spend some time during the day?

These comments… 🙄🤦🏼‍♀️

You asked for advice, so here it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

1. You said your child is ADHD, but I haven’t seen their age posted? Regardless, your child, ADHD or not, can be taught boundaries. Just as you taught your child to respect your dogs space, so too can you teach them to respect the cats.
2. You are allergic. So although you can’t prevent them from going upstairs, you can keep all the bedroom doors closed so they can only chill on the landing.
3. Invest in air purifiers! One for upstairs, and one for downstairs- these will make a huge difference!
4. Take antihistamines every day but with air purifiers, you may not need to.
5. Invest in a CATIO!!! You can have absolutely gorgeous ones built btw, attached to the house that they access through a window or cat flap, so they can have plenty of space that your dog or child can’t intrude upon. They’re custom made with loads of levels for climbing and jumping, cosy beds and waterproof so they’re completely dry and safe. Obviously they can’t live in it full time but the difference a couple of hours a day would make to you would be huge.

Marriage is uniting two families. It’s also about compromise. There are so many things you could do (as listed above) to make it work - it’s just whether or not you really want to x

Why are you even still here quibbling about schematics? You don't want the cats at yours. You've made that very clear. Just get them re-homed together, to someone who actually wants them. It's not worth the cats being miserable because you'll just resent them anyway.

This is why I suspect something else is setting her allergy off…. The cat hair with be on him when he visits hers, so she should be having some sort of reaction now before the cats move…

if it’s worse for her when she is visiting his, it could be something to do with his house keeping (ie not airing the house properly or mould issues or just a combination of cat/mould/dampness/un aired house).

No of course I wouldn’t. Read the OP! He got the cats 2 years ago and prior to her even knowing she was allergic or even if they would move in together to that house. You’re just making stuff up that hasn’t even been said.

No, of course not. Plenty of people get engaged before moving in together. It used to be the norm many years ago.

asking your partner to rehome his Dcats is not on and that would be a no from me and probably the end of the relationship. Also living with someone who has an entire room of his own for gaming would be a no from me too and the end of the relationship. Your life sounds busy and complex enough already with your DC with ASC and a Ddog in, as you describe, a small house.

Hi - one thing pos worth trying is a new cat food from Purina - it's probably expensive but it's designed to neutralise the allergen in pet dander.. if it works you may be able to be around them with no reaction in less than a month. I also wasn't sure from your post whether the cats are used to sleeping with your fiance or they're kept outside of the bedroom anyway? I have cats and the only reason I'd consider rehoming them is if circumstances changed and it would give them a better life. If you two are determined to live together and they're going to be kept inside, not allowed upstairs and potentially scared by a dog/lively child then it might be the better option for them, but it's not really fair.

Would you also deliberately get 2 cats when you knew you were soon to be moving in with your allergic, doberman-owning, unsuitable-house-owning fiancée?? Shame on you if you would, that's so irresponsible, entitled, and totally unable to compromise.

Not unreasonable at all. You’re allergic and having to medicate around cats. It’s not a cat v dog argument. It’s a health issue. Hard situation for you both. Good luck.

I’d dump a partner that wouldn’t accept my cats. Sounds like you are entitled and unable to compromise. BTW, cats are not like dogs and can not be restricted within a house. Just how do you plan to keep them downstairs-😂

Shes not allergic to her dog. Shes allergic to the cats!

@ellie09 I am allergic to cats. We rehoused my BFs cats after 6m. I'm left with asthma. Please do not marginalise your allergies. This type of allergy is a type 1 allergy. Google what that means.

I know our pets are our family. Your blended family (people and pets) is not compatible. Im so sorry but the cats need to be removed. If anything family member could take them at least he will still see them.

Isn’t it rather unfair for the cats, who have already been re-homed once?

I have AirTags/ collar holders for our cats. There is an alternative tag for those without Apple equipment.

I also second building a catio. When the weather is nice they can go outside during the day in the catio (with food and clean litter box) and the house opened up and aired out.

i am surprised you haven’t had a big reaction though to your partner when he visits. My SIL reacts to us despite wearing freshly laundered clothing when visiting her. I presume this would have been an issue from day 1 when the kittens came home to his..

my only other suggestion is you all seem to be making big sacrifices to fit into yours. Would it not be better to find something larger to rent together for 12 months to see how you all fit in together ?

good luck.

I am allergic to cats and have had them for years
Antihistamines and handfasting work for us.
Ditch the partner so he can find someone lovely, I certainly wouldn't want your dog.

But she is allergic to cats

@ellie09 after having a check using ChatGTP there are long term effects of taking antihistamine on a long term basis. You'll need to discuss with both your GP AND a pharmacist, but ultimately you'll be risking long term liver and kidney strain, amongst other things.

This.

Irrelevant. She asked of she should make her fiance 'get rid of' his pets.

That's the issue. Not her 'allergy', if it is an actual allergy.

Are people deliberately not reading the part that she's actually ALLERGIC to the cats?

When I read the title, I was going to put YABU but as soon as I read the whole thread and specifically the allergy part then I voted YANBU.

It's unreasonable for anyone to bring animals that you are allergic to into your home and it is unreasonable for anyone to expect you to permanently dose up on antihistamines. Medication has side effects and she shouldn't have to risk these in her own home.

Personally @ellie09 I think realistically you should reconsider moving in together. It is a big ask to ask him to rehome them and at the same time I don't think you should move the cats into your home. Even if they do come but then get rehomed, their hair etc. will still be there and it could take months to get rid of whatever particles set off your allergies.

You are being impossibly unreasonable imv

"Get rid of" - such an unpleasant way of phrasing it too. As if the cats are rubbish. Why not say "rehome". Really showing your true colours. I'd get rid of you if I was your bf.

I love how some people think rehoming the cats would be an easy option. Shelters are overflowing with unwanted cats.