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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
BluesBird19764 · 04/05/2025 19:12

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Get rid of your dog.
easy, right?????

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 18:28

Ronathediva13 · 04/05/2025 16:38

If you think your partner should rehomw his cats you are not fit to have a pet and somebody should take that poor dog away from you.

Give over! How ridiculous

BigButtons · 04/05/2025 17:59

@ellie09 in your opening post YOU asked us whether it would unreasonable for YOU to suggest rehoming. This is driven by YOU .

Unforgettablefire · 04/05/2025 17:57

I wouldn’t want anyone who would get rid of their pets so they can shack up with someone. Nor would I want someone who suggested I get rid of mine.

Out of order OP

DBD1975 · 04/05/2025 17:50

Loutina · 03/05/2025 18:58

Has no one read the thread?? He got the cats when he they'd already been dating for a year and in FULL knowledge that when they moved in together this wouldn't work.

The dog was already owned by OP when they met - he KNEW that.
She is allergic - he KNEW that.
The house doesn't lend itself well to 3 animals - he KNEW that.
They were planning to move in together in a couple of years - he KNEW that.

And yet he got them anyway. And now everyone is having a paddy because all of a sudden everything that was always going to happen has come to pass and now they're shouting that OP should be the one to re-home her dog apparently based on the poor decisions her fiance made.

She isn't petulantly demanding he gets rid of his cats out of the blue. He always knew this was going to be the situation!

And as for 'you should get rid of the dog' - why is it OK to use the dog to score points? If rehoming is so heinous it can't be considered for the cats, surely it's just as awful to do it to the dog. Who is a completely innocent animal, just like the cats are.

Show quote history

I never said re-home the dog, I said re-home the cats. Purely because it would be better for all concerned including the cats.

Ronathediva13 · 04/05/2025 16:38

If you think your partner should rehomw his cats you are not fit to have a pet and somebody should take that poor dog away from you.

Tristan5 · 04/05/2025 16:36

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

I’d re-home you instead quite frankly, I’m with the cats all day long!

ParsnipPuree · 04/05/2025 16:28

PfizerFan · 04/05/2025 13:00

Exactly. OP is repulsive.

Show quote history

Truly repulsive.

XVGN · 04/05/2025 16:09

I guess that my view is that if you can't commit to a living being that you have forcibly brought into your home of your own volition then you may not be a reliable lifelong partner. The "you" here applies to anyone with this dilemma.

Luv2luv9 · 04/05/2025 14:47

I don't think people are not animal lovers if they view a particular situation with them as not a great idea. You did ask for opinions & can't expect them all to be positive. I'm allergic to dogs & I don't like the idea of house cats so wouldn't have either in my home.This doesn't mean I'm not an animal lover. I stayed with a friend who had 2 house cats. We went out for the day and the stench from the litter trays when we returned made me retch. It permeated the whole house. 😩

HappiestSleeping · 04/05/2025 13:30

ellie09 · 04/05/2025 11:44

A lot of so called animal lovers on here saying that the only solution is to make all 3 animals not have a home and to get rehome ALL our pets, including a dog that has already had 2 homes before me, utterly baffle me.

If you suggest this, you are not an animal lover.

Au contraire. My suggestion was not to move in together, and then no animal needs to suffer. Including the human animals.

You can be married and not live in the same house. I know many who have done this, quite successfully.

PfizerFan · 04/05/2025 13:00

Ifeelabitsick · 04/05/2025 12:30

No animal lover uses the phrase "get rid of" when speaking about animals.

@ellie09

Show quote history

Exactly. OP is repulsive.

PfizerFan · 04/05/2025 12:58

Tbh, if her partner agrees to rehome the cats, that's a massive red flag on his part. Who does that?!

Ifeelabitsick · 04/05/2025 12:30

ellie09 · 04/05/2025 11:44

A lot of so called animal lovers on here saying that the only solution is to make all 3 animals not have a home and to get rehome ALL our pets, including a dog that has already had 2 homes before me, utterly baffle me.

If you suggest this, you are not an animal lover.

No animal lover uses the phrase "get rid of" when speaking about animals.

@ellie09

CorbyTrouserPress · 04/05/2025 12:07

ellie09 · 04/05/2025 11:44

A lot of so called animal lovers on here saying that the only solution is to make all 3 animals not have a home and to get rehome ALL our pets, including a dog that has already had 2 homes before me, utterly baffle me.

If you suggest this, you are not an animal lover.

You wouldn’t be rehoming all three, just your dog. His cats you can just get rid of remember.

Pot, Kettle, Black.

ThinWomansBrain · 04/05/2025 11:52

And your partner is still with you?🤔
or have you not stomped your feet & demonstrated how nasty and controlling you are yet?

Original poster
ellie09 · 04/05/2025 11:44

A lot of so called animal lovers on here saying that the only solution is to make all 3 animals not have a home and to get rehome ALL our pets, including a dog that has already had 2 homes before me, utterly baffle me.

If you suggest this, you are not an animal lover.

OP posts:
Original poster
ellie09 · 04/05/2025 11:39

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 04/05/2025 09:22

I'm shocked (actually I'm not because it's the way people are) at the amount of people who see cats as disposable and get rid of them just like that. People need to think long and hard before getting a cat, they aren't and should never be an easy thing to get rid of.

Rescues are full of cats who people have decided they can't be bothered with, or a new child or girlfriend has come along and now the cat is an unwanted hassle. Rescues do a good job but it is traumatic for the animals. Also many rescues are not taking on pets peope don't want as they don't have the space, a lot of pets got in lockdown have ended up being rehomed.

I say this as the proud slave owner to two rescue cats.

The OP has changed her story continuously over this thread. And when she doesn't get the support she wanted she's now dropped in that he has arranged the wedding, she's giving up her office for his gaming room, and it was his idea to rehome them.

My story hasn't changed.

I provided these details because I was ASKED by others on the thread.

OP posts:
RobinEllacotStrike · 04/05/2025 10:56

HappiestSleeping · 02/05/2025 09:48

If you are allergic to cats, that is sufficient to not move in together. No need to worry about anyone being rehomed then.

This.

you can’t live with cats if you are allergic to them. None of the other arguments are needed. Life will be unbearable living with cats if you are allergic.

what you do with that now is another problem- kind of comes down to “it’s the cats or me” if you want to live together.

or stay living apart.

hobbcat · 04/05/2025 10:13

Slow down / scale back all your wedding plans down and wait a bit. Then you can prioritise buying a larger home to meet everyone’s needs properly. Home offices that can also be gaming spaces, an outdoor run for the cats. Basically a larger home. Less stress for your dog too. I’d sacrifice the scale of my wedding for the firm foundations of my future every time!

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 09:56

FlakyCritic · 04/05/2025 09:53

Don't be silly. No, she'd just be told not not move in with him.

Simple.

Strange how this doesn't even seem to be an option with some of you. It's the simplest and easiest solution.

Show quote history

It was literally my first suggestion when I posted on the thread.
Rehome them or don’t live together

FlakyCritic · 04/05/2025 09:53

WhereIsMyJumper · 04/05/2025 09:46

I reckon if the OP came back to tell everyone it turns out her son is allergic to cats too that she will be told to rehome her son.

Don't be silly. No, she'd just be told not not move in with him.

Simple.

Strange how this doesn't even seem to be an option with some of you. It's the simplest and easiest solution.

FlakyCritic · 04/05/2025 09:51

Magentaflies · 04/05/2025 09:37

You are exactly the sort of person, with exactly the type of mentality that I am strongly advising OP to dump.

Show quote history

A person that takes pet ownership seriously. A person imbued with a sense of responisibility. Shocker. I'm very proud of it! You are exactly the sort of person, with exactly the type of mentality that should never be allowed to own a sentient creature.

Booboobagins · 04/05/2025 09:51

FlakyCritic · 04/05/2025 09:39

No need to take it so personally. I was talking about the OP, not you.

Show quote history

Then why quote? Just reply to the OP!

FlakyCritic · 04/05/2025 09:48

XxSideshowAuntSallyx · 04/05/2025 09:22

I'm shocked (actually I'm not because it's the way people are) at the amount of people who see cats as disposable and get rid of them just like that. People need to think long and hard before getting a cat, they aren't and should never be an easy thing to get rid of.

Rescues are full of cats who people have decided they can't be bothered with, or a new child or girlfriend has come along and now the cat is an unwanted hassle. Rescues do a good job but it is traumatic for the animals. Also many rescues are not taking on pets peope don't want as they don't have the space, a lot of pets got in lockdown have ended up being rehomed.

I say this as the proud slave owner to two rescue cats.

The OP has changed her story continuously over this thread. And when she doesn't get the support she wanted she's now dropped in that he has arranged the wedding, she's giving up her office for his gaming room, and it was his idea to rehome them.

Thank you. There are some really scummy people out there who treat animals as nothing but disposable toys. They are for life!! If you new girlfriend or whatever has an allergy, you just don't move in together. It's really not rocket science. It really, really isn't.