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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
DisapprovingSpaniel · 02/05/2025 09:48

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

Not hugely succesfully by the sounds of it.

If this is real - which is a big IF - do you WANT a partner that so easily gives up on his prior commitments? That doesn't sound like a great character trait in a partner, tbh.

HappiestSleeping · 02/05/2025 09:48

If you are allergic to cats, that is sufficient to not move in together. No need to worry about anyone being rehomed then.

AnonKat · 02/05/2025 09:47

I wouldn't give up my cats for someone else's dog. I think your lives are incompatible honestly.

Carwashandthemoog · 02/05/2025 09:47

You may be better off continuing to live apart, seems as though your partner is already giving up quite a bit.

It's also really hard to re-home animals, unless it is for extreme reasons no pet should be re-homed because it doesn't suit someone else, that's mean.

HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 09:47

Why is it that dog owners always think dogs come before cats? All three are dearly loved pets - why should he rehome the cats because you want him to? If you wouldn't rehome your dog, you can't expect him to rehome his cats.

Goodadvice1980 · 02/05/2025 09:47

YABU and massively out of order.

Shoppingagain · 02/05/2025 09:47

How does your fiance feel about that?

Also I don’t see how you can live with cats if you are allergic to them not to mention the Rottweiler and small child. The whole thing seems like a bad idea all round.

TennesseeStella · 02/05/2025 09:46

Why should he re-home the cats if you're not willing to re-home your dog? Just because he is the one moving into your house? One dog will be easier to re-home than two cats.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/05/2025 09:43

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

And would you?