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Original poster

To want fiance to get rid of his cats

759 replies

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 09:40

Hi all

I have been with my fiance for almost 3 years now and we will be moving in together in the next couple of months into my house, as mine is cheaper and we can save more for the wedding and to buy our own house (I live in a "family" home rent free and fiance currently rents on his own).

About a year into our relationship, he rehomed 2 kittens. They are house cats and very good natured but used to a really quiet environment.

I have a Rottweiler aged 6, who used to live with a cat when she was a puppy (before I rehomed her) but hasn't lived with one since.

Some concerns I have:

  • Shortly after getting his cats, I found out that I am allergic to them. If I go to his house, I need to make sure I take an antihistamine. If I forget to, I will get tight chest, sore eyes, runny nose etc.
  • His cats are house cats and I only live in a 3 bed terrace. I dont think there will be much room and I dont want any of our pets to go upstairs or lie on beds etc (its been a hard rule for my dog, and I would be enforcing it for the cats, especially due to my allergies)
  • I think the cats will struggle moving to a much noisier environment. I have a playful dog, and ASD child in a fairly smallish house. They're used to living in a really quiet environment
  • I have no idea how my much bigger dog will react to sharing a space with two cats

We are planning to "try" to introduce the animals beforehand and try living with them at least for a bit to see how it goes, but honestly, it sounds like a lot of hard work, especially with me and fiance both WFH and needing a quiet space also.

He is also aware that if my dog does not take well to his cats, that they will need to be rehomed.

AIBU to suggest just rehoming them from the get go?

Obviously, I am trying to put myself in his shoes if someone tried to persuade me to rehome my dog.

OP posts:
FloatingSquirrel · 02/05/2025 10:15

HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 09:47

Why is it that dog owners always think dogs come before cats? All three are dearly loved pets - why should he rehome the cats because you want him to? If you wouldn't rehome your dog, you can't expect him to rehome his cats.

Edited

She's allergic to cats, and realistically cats don't care about their owners in the way dogs are attached to them. I prefer cats personally, because they're not as needy. But it would be far easier on a cat being rehomed than a dog.

RedHelenB · 02/05/2025 10:14

Why the rush to move in together?

IttyBittyLittleKitty · 02/05/2025 10:13

Why are you giving up your office to turn it into a gaming room? That makes absolutely no sense at all. Where will you work from?!

Sickofschoolruns · 02/05/2025 10:13

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:02

Yes, he has planned all our wedding, got his venue of choice in his hometown which is quite a bit away from my family (we are splitting cost 50/50)

He has got his choice of providers when he are combining bills in the future (he wanted particular wifi, electric, tv companies for his PC requirements which are a lot pricier than I pay atm) and a room in my 3 bed cleared out and waiting for him for his gaming room (which I had to vacate my office for!)

Show quote history

Could I ask how old you are OP? It doesn't sound like either of you are genuinely ready to build a lift together. You havent been together for long and you have a ND DC. My advice would be to postpone the wedding and focus on your DC for now.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:13

Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:06

Why would you get rid of your office for a gaming room?

Show quote history

Because he has one in his current house - lots of PCs and equipment that he will need room for.
Ive had to set up a smaller desk in my bedroom.

Its not all one sided, I have made some compromises also in this move so that he can still have his hobbies etc when he moves in.

The lifestyle he has given to his cats though - not being outside, allowed to roam the entire house and sleep in his bed etc can't really be enforced in my house.

My house is also loud, with very few places for two cats to go for reprieve if they are feeling overwhelmed. I have an open plan kitchen and living room, so no separate rooms downstairs.

OP posts:
FloatingSquirrel · 02/05/2025 10:11

catsand · 02/05/2025 09:51

I would have rehomed DH before rehoming my cat if he couldn’t adapt to living with her

How do you expect someone to adapt to living with something they're allergic to?

Notthecorner · 02/05/2025 10:11

My DP lives with my cat and is allergic. The cat isn’t allowed in our bedroom for this reason. My cat is elderly and so it won’t be forever but I won’t lie it is stressful but I take full responsibility for all care of the cat and it’s my job to keep her away from areas that DP lies down on and our clothing etc. I don’t ask DP to do a single thing for the cat and unfortunately it does mean I spend less time with the cat but she’s too old to rehome and he has accepted she is an animal and it’s not her fault and we found a way to live with it.

KimberleyClark · 02/05/2025 10:11

HonestAquaMember · 02/05/2025 09:47

Why is it that dog owners always think dogs come before cats? All three are dearly loved pets - why should he rehome the cats because you want him to? If you wouldn't rehome your dog, you can't expect him to rehome his cats.

Edited

What a daft generalisation. I’m a sometime dog owner, though not currently, and I think OP is being massively unreasonable.

CwmYoy · 02/05/2025 10:11

Your allergies are reason enough to rehome.

lazycats · 02/05/2025 10:11

Not the point of the thread I know but kind of odd to get engaged before moving together, no?

ThymeScent · 02/05/2025 10:10

Maybe just live separately till the dog dies since it only has two years left? Maybe agree that you put it down anyway aged 8. In the interim get his cats used to being outdoor cats.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/05/2025 10:10

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:08

Thats the plan. I cant really think of any other solution. If I dont, I will be suffering 24/7.

The last time I forgot, my throat had started to close over.

Its not fiances fault, as I hadn't been around many cats in the past and had no clue I was allergic prior to him getting them.

Show quote history

Well it will be your fault if you decide to live with them

Yellowpingu · 02/05/2025 10:09

I’m allergic to cats and I have two! It took a few weeks of antihistamines but they don’t really bother me now unless they’re sitting right at my face. I used to look like a mushy, mouldy strawberry, eyes streaming, nose running, sneezing, itchy ears and throat whenever I came into contact with a cat but now the ones I live with I’m fine with. They’re not allowed into my bedroom though. DS is also allergic to cats. He also got used to our old cat who was with us when he lived at home but he had a reaction to the kittens when he was visiting for a few days at Christmas. He also intends to get a cat himself at some point!

BruceAndNosh · 02/05/2025 10:09

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:02

Yes, he has planned all our wedding, got his venue of choice in his hometown which is quite a bit away from my family (we are splitting cost 50/50)

He has got his choice of providers when he are combining bills in the future (he wanted particular wifi, electric, tv companies for his PC requirements which are a lot pricier than I pay atm) and a room in my 3 bed cleared out and waiting for him for his gaming room (which I had to vacate my office for!)

Show quote history

You work from home but plan to turn your office into a gaming room for him??

slashlover · 02/05/2025 10:09

I will try to make it work in my home with his cats

This says everything, calling it YOUR home and HIS cats.

SJM1988 · 02/05/2025 10:08

100% unreasonable. It sounds like you have already made up your mind they have to go so nothing your fiancé is going to do will make a difference.

You admit you wouldn't rehome your dog so I don't think you can expect him to rehome his cats.

Original poster
ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:08

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/05/2025 10:05

Are you planning to take antihistamines constantly? Nothing about this plan sounds sensible

Thats the plan. I cant really think of any other solution. If I dont, I will be suffering 24/7.

The last time I forgot, my throat had started to close over.

Its not fiances fault, as I hadn't been around many cats in the past and had no clue I was allergic prior to him getting them.

OP posts:
Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:07

Muffinmam · 02/05/2025 10:04

I bought a beautiful ragdoll kitten about 10 years ago. I found out I was highly allergic to the point I had tears streaming down my face, my throat was closing up and I had urticaria.

High doses of very strong antihistamines weren’t working so I went to my GP who prescribed stomach medication that has since been recalled and I got over being allergic to my cat.

Anyway, you aren’t ready to be married. I think you should just stay single.

If you were that much of an animal lover you wouldn't have bought a cat.

Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:06

ellie09 · 02/05/2025 10:02

Yes, he has planned all our wedding, got his venue of choice in his hometown which is quite a bit away from my family (we are splitting cost 50/50)

He has got his choice of providers when he are combining bills in the future (he wanted particular wifi, electric, tv companies for his PC requirements which are a lot pricier than I pay atm) and a room in my 3 bed cleared out and waiting for him for his gaming room (which I had to vacate my office for!)

Show quote history

Why would you get rid of your office for a gaming room?

Ddakji · 02/05/2025 10:06

The issue to me is that you are allergic to his cats. And that’s just very unfortunate and bad luck, but you can’t be expected to live with animals you’re allergic too. Obviously your DF needs to decide if he wants to live with you or keep his cats. And that’s hard, but I agree needs to happen - and happen sooner rather than later.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/05/2025 10:05

Are you planning to take antihistamines constantly? Nothing about this plan sounds sensible

Muffinmam · 02/05/2025 10:04

I bought a beautiful ragdoll kitten about 10 years ago. I found out I was highly allergic to the point I had tears streaming down my face, my throat was closing up and I had urticaria.

High doses of very strong antihistamines weren’t working so I went to my GP who prescribed stomach medication that has since been recalled and I got over being allergic to my cat.

Anyway, you aren’t ready to be married. I think you should just stay single.

PashaMinaMio · 02/05/2025 10:04

The domestic pet re-homing services are over flowing post Covid. They are turning animals away.

Give local Cats Protection a ring and likely they’ll confirm.

You might find less allergens in the house if they become outdoor cats & the house is kept immaculate to diminish cat hair and dander.

Do your research early so you know what can be done. Being allergic, in my experience is hellish and exhausting. Cats can live very long lives so brace yourself.

SmoothRoads · 02/05/2025 10:04

Your allergies, having a dog and thinking of moving in together is not the fault of the cats. Like children, they do not choose their owners. Owners, however, do have an obligation to the animals they adopt. Shelters are already full with animals who had feckless owners who dumped them when it became inconvenient.

Potbear · 02/05/2025 10:04

No, I don't think you should ask him to re home the cats. But I do think it says a lot that he got them after you had been together a year. I'd start looking into what medication/injections work for you long term and get that sorted before you even consider it.

In the meantime, wait for your dog to die.
As you said, it's not very long away.

I really wouldn't move a man in with my autistic child after three years. This gives you time to sort the allergy, get DC comfortable with the whole thing and solves the doc/cat issue.

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